DH ate extra lasagne and didn’t tell me

[Lolabear38]

I’m currently at home with 2 poorly DCs. We are all getting cabin fever so I may be over reacting a little here.

Yesterday I made a big lasagne for our tea. We had it with salad, corn on the cob and garlic bread so it was a substantial meal. There was enough leftover for us to have tonight (planned). I said as much to DH and he said ok fine, he said liked it a lot so was happy to have it again tonight.

I went to bed before DH last night and, unbeknown to me, he had another portion of the lasagne and didn’t say anything to me. Normally not an issue but as I said I was planning on us having it tonight too.

Today has been a hard day with the kids but I thought ‘oh at least dinner is sorted’ except when I went to get the lasagne I was bloody annoyed to see we were one portion down! I hadn’t looked at it all day today as when I put it in the fridge last night there was plenty.

DH was working later tonight so DC and I ate before he got home. I considered giving everyone a smaller portion but then I thought, f$&@ it, we’re having a normal portion and DH can have whatever is left, which is a lot less than he usually would have. He’s now home and very annoyed and thinks I’m selfish and somehow food shaming him for eating the extra last night. He said I should have left him enough, but as far as I’m concerned I did last night!

There is plenty of bread/ baked beans etc. for him to make himself something else but AIBU to be annoyed and not to have left him enough tonight?

I absolutely agree with you that women being socialised to be nice while it's still more acceptable for men to behave selfishly is a problem. Keeping score and being 'less nice' to balance this out doesn't sound like a great fix, though. I would never be in a relationship with a selfish, uncaring man and don't understand why so many other women would and are. Having high standards where it actually matters really pays off in the long term because minor transgressions are so much less annoying. Weed out the egoistic piss-takers at the start and it's easy to be generous and give your partner the benefit of the doubt on occasion. I'm far from perfect myself and would probably feel constantly anxious and on edge if any small fuck up on my side caused such annoyance in my DH.

To me it sounds like the OP and her husband don't even particularly like each other. Both petty and childish, although of course his complaint was worse. As a previous poster said, mountain and molehill indeed.

Absolutely, same might have happened to OP, right? Although I don’t see why you think a grown man needs a text to remind him he had already eaten his dinner the night before, but maybe you think men are painfully stupid?

Nope, I don't think men are painfully stupid at all, it just all seems like such an overreaction and weird lack of communication on both sides. Maybe my relationship is strange, but when whoever makes dinner notices that our original dinner plans won't work for some reason, we just text each other and agree on something else. A blame game of who ate a particular ingredient / leftover or forgot to buy something doesn't even come into it. It doesn't matter who's technically in the wrong / should have remembered / should have done something about it, we just want to enjoy our evening with everyone happily fed and watered and if that means sending an extra text to a slightly greedy or forgetful partner, it's really a non-issue.

Seriously you need to get some perspective. It was a bowl of soup!

Seriously you need to raise your bar when it comes to men.

Honestly the responses are absolutely bizarre.

I agree, they're batshit. The DH fucked up and needs to accept the consequences of his greed not make it the OP's fault.

But in this example it isn't just a bowl of soup.

This was comfort, carefully made for an intended purpose.

If someone carefully made a tricky dish to give to someone else, would you think it was just food and eat it anyways?

If it wasn't food we're talking about, lets say it was painkillers that PP had bought to deal with her cold and her DH taken them. Is that fair?

Or what about (back in ye'oldy days) PP recorded a tv show to watch and the DH had taped over it? Is that fair?

It's taking something away from someone without caring how it makes them feel, or really, giving them a second thought...

Well I can see how he overreacted, by having a tantrum that he couldn’t have extra lasagna and calling OP selfish. Can you point out where OP overreacted?

All of that said, I can definitely see DH doing this to us. I can see him eating more than his fair share of something. BUT he wouldn't then make me feel bad for not having a smaller portion. He probably would also have forgotten to tell me he'd eaten more as well, but he would have just sorted himself out when he got home and NOT called me selfish.

I know it was a bowl of soup. But I felt like shite, had been dealing with all four of our kids (my two and his two) on my own whilst he had been on a work trip to a five star hotel with a nice meal. I had made it myself when I didn't really have the energy to do so, as it's the only thing that makes me feel better.
He bounced in, shouted upstairs how 'exhausted' he was, then ate my soup without asking. It's not big in the scheme of things. But it was inconsiderate the both the moment and the context.

I'm sure I overreacted a I was probs a bit unconsciously jealous of his trip and a bit frazzled from stuff at home, but equally it wouldn't have killed him to ask first (and if he had I probably would have said yes anyway)

But this thread isn't about my soup anyway-I was just using it to empathise with the op.

No I really am incredulous that somebody has such a huge argument over a bowl of soup. If DH ate a bowl of soup I had earmarked for my lunch I would …. eat something else!

Why would anyone give up a nice portion of lasagne to eat a crisp sandwich? Such a weird response 😂

I have got a low bar with men because I don’t argue with my husband over lasagne or soup?! 😂 I have heard it all. There are some truly bathshit people on this thread.

as said above he ate his yesterday! I'll admit I was all ready to tell you you were being unreasonable if you'd been giving out that he'd had an extra portion and you were saying he should have left it for tonight but he wanted more?!?! cf!!! hope you all feel better soon op

If DH ate a bowl of soup I had earmarked for my lunch I would …. eat something else!
This is lasagne though, which has at least an hour's work of cooking and prep and tastes so much better!

Meh, I think it was petty. If my husband made something I really liked so I ate a portion that night when hungry and so to punish me he refused me an equal portion at dinner, told me to get my own food, and I could eat leftovers they didn't eat - I would think he was petty too.

He's being completely unreasonable to be annoyed at you. Fine if he wanted to eat his portion last and have something different tonight (that he made himself) but absolutely ridiculous to expect you to save him some after he ate his and then kick off.

Surely if you'd had a conversation that that would be tomorrow nights dinner too, you wouldn't have the extra portion though? I don't have these problems, as we eat what's cooked without leftovers for another whole meal, but on the rare occasion that there is, if I ate another portion, I'd know what was left was for DP and DD and would expect to make myself something else. No one would have to "punish" me, because I wouldn't expect them to have small potions to accommodate me having another serving.

It was home made soup which actually does take about an hour to make. I obviously wouldn't care if I'd just opened s tin of Heinz tomato.

I would never be in a relationship with a selfish, uncaring man and don't understand why so many other women would and are.

And here we have it. A complete inability to understand how these relationships don't go downhill overnight. A failure to see how many women are socialised to put up with a huge amount while expecting very little. You say you get it but then go on to say you wouldn't be affected like this.

Think yourself lucky that you can assert yourself and you have found a guy who's not selfish and uncaring, rather than telling someone who is trying to set boundaries that they should be kind. At what point does it become an issue. When is someone allowed to start to stand up for themselves. Maybe this is the last straw for the OP? You don't know, and you don't seem to care because you would never have got in this situation. Well done!

OP didn’t argue. Her DH did. Yet she is being chastised on this post. That’s why there’s a low bar - OP got insulted by her tantrumming husband and she is being told how she should have behaved better.

So you'd get very annoyed and tell your partner they're selfish? You'd make sure everyone else had to have less? You sound as bad as the OP's husband then.

Punish you? How dramatic! So you eat extra and then expect your kids and wife to have less so that you can have an additional, full third portion? And if you don’t get that special treatment, it’s a punishment?! Wow. You’re very entitled.

He’s a greedy pig

Not unreasonable for him to eat it / and not unreasonable not to tell you.

But given you said it was for dinner tonight also, seems unreasonable to be annoyed that there wasn’t a full portion left.

However, I don’t know the context; do you always cook him dinner? If so I can see why he was annoyed.

If there actually was enough for him to have it again, yes. But there wasn't, so it wasn't petty, was it? There just wasn't enough, and he chose to eat his the night before knowing that.

He was expecting OP to give up hers. Would you think your DH was petty for not giving up his for you?

Well apparently women should have a crystal ball and know that the kind person they went out with would end up as a selfish git. And if they didn't spot it, then it's their fault.

Meanwhile to preserve the peace and not be petty, they should never berate their husbands because it's their job to be nice. And if they complain or ask for advice or support, they're being hysterical. Because the man who's having the tantrum is of course never accused of hysteria. His sulking is righteous indignation 🙄

This. Youre dealing with poorly kids AND youd still managed to create food yesterday for tonights meal. Which he knew about. Id be more forgiving if he hadnt realised, but he did know. So hes not entitled to eat yours too.
Ps hope kids are getting better. Xx