DH ate extra lasagne and didn’t tell me

[Lolabear38]

I’m currently at home with 2 poorly DCs. We are all getting cabin fever so I may be over reacting a little here.

Yesterday I made a big lasagne for our tea. We had it with salad, corn on the cob and garlic bread so it was a substantial meal. There was enough leftover for us to have tonight (planned). I said as much to DH and he said ok fine, he said liked it a lot so was happy to have it again tonight.

I went to bed before DH last night and, unbeknown to me, he had another portion of the lasagne and didn’t say anything to me. Normally not an issue but as I said I was planning on us having it tonight too.

Today has been a hard day with the kids but I thought ‘oh at least dinner is sorted’ except when I went to get the lasagne I was bloody annoyed to see we were one portion down! I hadn’t looked at it all day today as when I put it in the fridge last night there was plenty.

DH was working later tonight so DC and I ate before he got home. I considered giving everyone a smaller portion but then I thought, f$&@ it, we’re having a normal portion and DH can have whatever is left, which is a lot less than he usually would have. He’s now home and very annoyed and thinks I’m selfish and somehow food shaming him for eating the extra last night. He said I should have left him enough, but as far as I’m concerned I did last night!

There is plenty of bread/ baked beans etc. for him to make himself something else but AIBU to be annoyed and not to have left him enough tonight?

He can cook something else for himself... no biggie.

@WendyCraig

yeah some people have to or it means not everyone will get their share - not everyone has the budget to buy more food in order to let some members of the family overeat

It's all the chicken and the egg though. In those circumstances I would have texted my dh to say don't forget you ate your dinner last night so have a huge lunch or pick something up on route because kitchen is closed etc. But in 5 million years it would never occur to him that we should do without to facilitate him. Chances are he'd have said to me the night before I'm after having more of that lasagne so can I get chips and coleslaw on the way home for everyone and bulk it out or will you go ahead without me and I'll sort myself out. He wouldn't leave it up to me to sort it out having shoved a spanner in the works. And for this reason alone I'd give him the heads up text- but it's hardly comparable because my dh is not yours. So I don't think your unreasonable - you reap what you sow and if you're a bit of an arsehole you don't get the kind messages.

Conversely I no longer remind him about suits/dry cleaning/shirts unless it's for an event that I want him looking well at. I leave him to solve those messes himself. He has burnt through the goodwill on that one.

So why couldn’t he text and say I ate extra lasagne last night so do I need to get anything on my way home, he knew he had eaten it, he didn’t say so op didn’t know until she opened the fridge at dinner time, so was then busy with dinner/.kids and probably didn’t get the chance to text him. I wouldn’t have done either.

Its all very well people saying don’t be petty but don’t moan if you eat your dinner the night before and expect something else cooked for you, he didn’t say he’d done it, I’ve got better things to do in an evening that cater for males who can’t communicate if you don’t tell me you’re going to be home or out then no I won’t cook for you or save you food I’m also not chasing you to ask, dinner is made every evening it’s not a new thing. It’s manners to actually say you’ll not be in or you’ve eaten etc

In those circumstances I would have texted my dh to say don't forget you ate your dinner last night so have a huge lunch or pick something up on route because kitchen is closed etc.

Why does she have to text him to remind him to be a decent, non-greedy individual?

That isn’t how it happened, but do you honestly think everyone eating what they want whenever they want, including alone late at night when the rest of the household are asleep is a recipe for joy?

^ to @Lovingitallnow

YANBU. He had already eaten his portion, so why would he expect more? Why should everyone else get less? Why can't he make himself something else if he is still hungry.

Lasagne is always 2 meals for us. He knew your plan so serves him right.

You are quoting me incorrectly.

I am embarrassed for her DH to have shown himself to be so greedy he thinks his family should have less and his response to being called out is to call her selfish.

If you can’t understand posts suggest you don’t passive aggressively reply to them.

EXACTLY. How has the OP ended up carrying the mental load to the extent that her husband doesn't even have to give any thought whatsoever to what he's having for dinner?? Imagine living that life?!

@Ktime I didn't say she should. I said I would have. I also said my DH is not her DH and as such what anyone else would do is irrelevant.

Seems a lot of people are missing the point here. OP didn't get "worked up" about him eating his dinner early and expecting her and the kids to reduce their own dinners to accommodate him because she simply gave him what he left for himself. HE is the one getting worked up and calling her names for either not going hungry to facilitate his greed, or her not remaking a meal she had already made in advance just so she didn't have to cook that day!

And for those saying she should have texted him to tell him he ate his portion already?

He already knew. He was there when he ate it. Why does she need to take on the extra task of telling him something he is well aware of? To stop him from being surprised and finding out he needs to get something else?

My pleasure.

🤣 omg this thread is priceless.

I live alone, so unless I round up a stranger, I'm always "lone eating" and yes sometimes late at night. Not weird or unhealthy

@Radyward

haha !

good one!

I think you're both unreasonable for eating the same dinner two days running. Apart from that, you all had salad, corn cobs and garlic bread (!) with the first lot, so the lasagne isn't exactly a major component in the meal. It's not clear whether you all had the same size portions of lasagne, but if the children had the same size it's not surprising your DH needed a top up afterwards. The obvious solution would have been to have had slightly smaller portions for the second meal, leaving DH a modest portion (a half portion, say) so he had something and then had larger sides to make up for that.

Seems that the same standards apply for everyone. You made a meal and served it to the whole family. There were leftovers. Your husband was hungry soon afterwards, so he ate some of the leftovers. The next day, you and the two children were ready for dinner, so the three of you ate the rest of the leftovers. Your husband wasn't there so didn't get any.

On what basis is your husband claiming that this was inappropriate or unfair?

@Definitelyrandom

why unreasonable to eat same meal two nights?

lots of people will eat same meal I.e leftovers two nights running if they’ve took the time to cook a lasagne from scratch

not everyone wants to spend all their time cooking

maybe op wanted to go to the gym or for her nails doing or whatever rather than making another meal from scratch

He is a dick.

Fair enough, but it’s weird and unhealthy if you’ve already had a substantial evening meal.

Totally agree

It's him that is being petty though, not the OP by calling her selfish because she ate her dinner.

it still would have been nice to send him a quick text telling him to pick something up on the way home

Oh god! Telling women they have to be nice. And you really think he would have said, okay dear of course I will, thanks for reminding me? Someone who got very annoyed and called his wife selfish because she ate her own dinner? I think the OP knows her DH better than you do. Your relationship is not theirs.