If you didn’t go to a private school, what do you think about those who did?

[hanginds]

Do you feel they had an unfair advantage? Do you care? Do you think they don’t know about the real world?

I really struggle to connect with colleagues who were privately educated as they seem almost entitled to the job. They seem fearless about finding alternative work if needs be, yet I just don’t have that confidence. I assume it’s their background as it’s the only difference between us in the academic/work context.

Genuinely? I think most are a bit dim, not really academic - but Daddy had money and paid for a private education.

Well, that’s clearly not true - same mix as elsewhere, except that the dimmest usually don’t get in, so the average IQ is actually higher in private schools…

None of the people I know from a private school background are particularly wealthy. Comfortable yes, but not wealthy.
In fact one of them lived in a 3 bed ex council house.

Absolutely, same here! Much better at critical thinking, much better at knowing when to shut up and listen. Grateful.

I think that's a valid point. But private school has become much more accessible to the middle class.

But like you say, some parents are choosing between buying a child a house or education, whereas for others it really is like spare change.

In either circumstance though I think most people who send their kid private own their own home so...theres usually inheritance :)

Grateful! 🤮

Wow there's a lot of hate for private school here! I went to a private school on a 40% scholarship with a bursary. My Dad was a teacher and my Mum a nurse and we weren't 'rich' or 'posh' in any way. There were people at my school who were very wealthy, over confident and entitled. But there were also lots of very normal people like myself whose parents just valued a good education. I remember when I started Uni playing down the fact that I'd been to a private school as so many people seem to have such an issue with it. For some reason it's OK for people who didn't go to a private school to cast aspersions on us and assume we don't know what the real world is like and live in some kind of bubble. From personal experience I lived through addiction problems in my family and witnessed a lot of my peers going through the same struggles as our state school counterparts with parents divorcing, drug and alcohol abuse, depression, self-harm, eating disorders etc so private school doesn't protect you from all of that. While it's accepted that people from state school can make negative comments about private schools or people who have been to them, if we do the same we're branded 'snobs' or as thinking we're better than you. All in all I loved my school experience and felt very lucky and privileged to have had the opportunity to go there. My eldest daughter starts school next year and my husband (also privately educated for what it's worth) have decided that we'd like to send her to a private school for all of the opportunities it will offer her. But I don't look down on the state system at all. Different horses for different courses and all that.

My BIL says he prefers private school graduates as they stick at things and don't mind hard work. He says a lot of the state school candidates lack resilience and are unreliable.

I'm friends with someone who went to private school and then on to oxbridge...however surprisingly she hasn't really gone on to have a brilliant career despite being very bright. I went to a state school and then local ordinary uni and massively out earn her and enjoy great work/life balance etc and I do think that it grates on her little bit. We have discussed it and she now doesn't think much of her school education strangely. I think she suffers from a lot of pressure from her parents and they are quite critical of the fact that she hasn't done as well as she'd like.

My dds would also play down their education to someone who went to state school, particularly if they realised that person was judgemental about it.

The inverse snobbery (and misinformation) on this thread is quite something to behold.

Because their parents made an immoral choice you'd avoid being friends with the 'victim' of that choice?

Nice.

Isn't it?

The private school vs state school debate is going to rage on for all time and it comes down to the fact that everyone's experience is different. If you went to private school you don't know what it was like to go to a state school and vice versa so the debate is littered with assumptions. My husband actually went to a private prep school and then onto a state secondary and he said the difference was like night and day and a huge adjustment for him but if you've only known one or the other you can't actually know how the 'other half live' so to speak.

I went to a shitty comp but to a uni and into a career that is mainly privately educated kids.

Clearly, we’ve all got to the same place but my impression is that the private school kids don’t suffer with the massive sense of imposter syndrome that I do. They seem more confident in their choices/decisions, more entitled to be where they are, much much more likely to wing it, and significantly more likely to talk themselves up (I don’t mean any of this negatively).

I and many of my state school peers seem to suffer a bit more with self doubt. Are often prone to perfectionism, over cautious and won’t go for things unless we’re 100% comfortable that we can do it.

All anecdotal!

Tbh, I wouldn’t mind a bit of the confidence myself!

I went to a comprehensive in a deprived area. I made it to university and then I joined a graduate trainee accountant scheme and I would say that more than half of my intake were from private schools. I think yes it gave them an advantage at that time, both in terms of confidence and also better academic record.

Thirty years later and due to my profession I would say I have worked with a very high number of people that were privately educated. I don’t have any trouble relating to somebody because they went to a better school than I did, I don’t really understand why it would make a difference. I also don’t think that if provided anybody with an advantage in the workplace, beyond those early years.

This is interesting to me. I think one of the many assumptions about private school is that it is an easy life and you're spoon fed everything but it's actually bloody hard work! Our days ended at 5.45 from age 11 including an hour of prep at the end of the day. We also had Saturday morning lessons and if you were sporty, matches on a Saturday afternoon. There was also choir on a Sunday morning so some kids were at school 7 days a week. Free periods you were expected to be in school and work and weren't allowed to leave the school grounds. It's a rigorous lifestyle which doesn't suit everyone but I think excellently prepares you for the world of work which is part of the reason why private school alumni are often (not always) high achievers.

Yes they have a massive advantage and are in general hugely entitled / over confident.

My friend went to private school and said there was always a nit pandemic. She claims benefits now and doesn't work. I have secretly thought I bet her parents are fuming about all the wasted money.

Hi Op
I was looking at mini libarey books selection at a very well known charity centre,

When I came across a book about a boys experience in 70s and 80s era of growing up and attending private school,

I suddenly had a epiphany,
On why some or a lot of men who attend private schooling ,
Often have issues with relationships, to be more specifically,
relating communicating effectively interpersonal skills,with their partners/children,

It dawned on me, growing up in private schools is akin or very similar to growing up "in a care " such as children's homes/Foster care for children,

I think day boarding is better for this reason,
As I wonder if a child particularly a sensitive child would feel emotionally abandoned in some way,
It's like their parents only want the fun bits of parenting,

This book answered this question for me,

I think private school especially at exceptionally young age,
Is the wealthy posh parents equilvant of neglecting a childs emotional needs and abdication their parenting responsibility,

You’re talking about boarding school, not private school. Not all private schools are boarding schools, and not all boarding schools are private schools. Very few boarding schools take boarders at an ‘exceptionally young age’.

Yes. Dd has long holidays but is at school from 8.30 to 6 and has lessons on Sat morning and matches Sat afternoon. It is exceptionally rigorous, and her peers all work very hard and are kept fit and healthy. They are happy and confident to take on new challenges as this is something the school promotes as a positive. All the girls do this, not just the chosen few.

Yes. I went to state school, DH to private. He has a fabulous work ethic, instilled in him from his schooling. He did long hours at school, stayed on for ‘prep’ and was at school on a Saturday morning. Sports fixtures in the afternoon. Chapel (at school) on a Sunday.

This is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read on Mumsnet and that is a pretty high bar! You're confusing private school with boarding school - not the same thing. As a PP has said, prep schools don't usually take boarders for the first few years and even then it would be on a flexi or weekly rather than a permanent basis. And how is investing in your child's education 'abdicating parental responsibility' - just deranged.

@ExasperatedbyJanuary

I 🤔 think you having been watching far too many TV episodes of Chelsea,
The way wealthy young vibrant folk life's/love lives squabbles
It's fictional not real ,L.o.l 😄

Saying that the way they edit tv show Style, and have some or most young people who are fron obviously wealthier upper class backgrounds in it too.

I can see why you might think it's real life based 🤔

One thing I would say, as the topic of confidence seems to come up a lot as a trait in people who went to private school, is that there is a general sense of 'nurturing' at private school. I remember always feeling invested in by the teaching and pastoral staff and like your opinion was valued and mattered. I think this probably does instil a natural sense of confidence as so often children and particularly teenagers can feel overlooked and undervalued by the adults around them. But I do think this confidence is often viewed negatively as over confidence or even arrogance when actually I think it just teaches young people to know their own mind and be able to speak on behalf of themselves which serves them well in an interview context in later life.