If you didn’t go to a private school, what do you think about those who did?

[hanginds]

Do you feel they had an unfair advantage? Do you care? Do you think they don’t know about the real world?

I really struggle to connect with colleagues who were privately educated as they seem almost entitled to the job. They seem fearless about finding alternative work if needs be, yet I just don’t have that confidence. I assume it’s their background as it’s the only difference between us in the academic/work context.

Nowt wrong with confident young women. Although probably one of the least liked sectors of society!

I know a few people at work quite disadvantaged by private school, and I feel for them.
One is dyslexic and just never had their needs met, left with lower qualifications and a real hang up about writing. They had years of chalk and talk and no adequate support. They see themselves as a failure. They are normally intelligent and can read/ write but are so blocked because they perceive themselves as stupid.
Another went to boarding school from 7 and has big big anxiety needs. Has been inpatient with MH and a lot seems rooted in school experiences from what they say.
Another struggled a bit with learning in general, and again seems to think they are stupid- is held back by a big chip. They aren’t stupid and would be fine in an average school.

Obviously I know some very confident high achievers too. But just as many house wives with no careers after school, just networks.

It’d personally say it’s a very mixed bag. It can be a huge advantage, but it does damage others certainly too. I’m quite open therefore when someone mentions private education, it seems to be a world of extremes

Comparing my education to those near me who had private education, I just think they were bloody lucky and I wish I'd had the opportunity - my life would have certainly been very different! But if my life were different, I wouldn't have the life and children I have now.

One of the reasons I want my daughters to go to independent secondary school is because at their state primary confidence in their abilities seems to be seen as a negative trait. They’re both quiet and academic and are often mocked for their academic ability (called geeks, swots etc). I want them to be confident young women.

I think you are another one getting boarding school and private school mixed up.

And let's not pretend that state schools were brilliant with dyslexic pupils! Probably better nowadays.

The self confidence and complete absence of imposter syndrome is what stands out for me. Plus the helping hand of family money.

I had friends at college who went to private school. They were all a bit too keen for misbehaving, drinking and drugs. I think they saw state school kids as much cooler.
Also they all attended schools miles from their homes, so didn't have mates to knock about with near home.
I don't think private school is worth the money!

Two of my friends went to private school, neither are particularly academically clever, indeed one didn’t pass any exams but they are both so lovely. Their manners are perfect and they are genuinely warm people. I don’t know how much is their family upbringing or their education. They don’t know each other but they are very similar. Neither of them earn a great deal but they are rich in other ways and speak beautifully.

This happened to me at state school and I hated it. Also an expectation that the boys would be loud and dominant and the girls would be calming influences on them. I'd rather my dd be appreciated for her confidence and it was seen as a positive thing.

I think they saw state school kids as much cooler

Um.

My school used to share a bus stop with the state school at the top of the hill and while we were waiting to get a bus down into town or whatever the state school kids used to shout abuse at us, swear, drop litter everywhere, smoke cigarettes, play fight and generally behave terribly but yes we were all definitely thinking "man they look so cool" 🙄

Can you imagine this thread in reverse? People making negative sweeping statements about all state educated children? Comments like ‘I think they were jealous of us privately educated children as we had more money than them?’ Saying that they wouldn’t want to hang out with them because they’re all thugs? Im not sure why reverse snobbery is tolerated on here.

Imagine if you’d asked what privately-educated people thought of people who went to state school…and the answers were that they were all tick as mince, benefit-scrounging ne’er-do-wells…

This thread is disgusting, if you have a choice you send your child to the best school for them whether that’s state or private. If you don’t have a choice you make the best of what you have.

No more to it than that.

Agree

This thread is utterly laughable 🙄

This thread is bizarre, so many adults with either massive chips on their shoulders or a weird way of projecting their own insecurities onto others. I don't give a second thought to where my friends went to school.

A lot of inferiority complexes dressed up as superiority complexes, draped in righteousness.

it’s hilarious tbh, according to this thread private school kids are simultaneously privileged and disadvantaged, the latter especially when compared to their cool state school counterparts who work much harder whilst being smarter and do just as well, if not better. If that’s the case then you wonder why the disdain.

oh, and the distinction between confidence and arrogance is in the eye, and biases, of the beholder.

My ds was at a state school.got into russell group uni .had friends there from both sides.never had any feelings either way tbh .take people as you find them dm used to say

'My BIL says he prefers private school graduates as they stick at things and don't mind hard work. He says a lot of the state school candidates lack resilience and are unreliable.'

My experience over the last 25 years is the absolute opposite. The private educated ones, who often got into top unis with mediocre school results, have lacked resilience and are unreliable. Which is often what you get, particularly in newly graduate candidates,who've been hand held through exams, given tutors, have mum and dad bulldozing every obstacle out of their way with their money and influence.
And don't get me started on the one's who don't want to start in entry level jobs because the money's it's not 'worth it' to them - they have a mum and dad paying their rent, helping the, financially, paying for stuff.
Or the ones who decided to drop out and go into more study - funded again by parents or grandparents, or into their parents businesses or into intern positions at the businesses of contacts.
Recently had a new graduate start, lasted 6 months because she decided to go and be a 'runner' intern at a friend of a friends TV production company ( I didn't hire her, her work 'experience' of interning on a big record company would have been a huge red flag to me) and she can afford to walk out of a proper job because someone else will be paying the bills.

I would never send my kids to a state school having read all the horror stories online.

I think one of the issues is that for the vast majority it does tip over into the arrogance category.

I know many people who are a product of private schooling, from at least 4 different schools and from different friendship groups.

When in conversation with them they will offer their view as the only view, if you try to give your opinion they will either ignore it, talk over you, shake their head in a PA manner or tell you that you're just plain wrong. I'm not talking about facts, but about opinions.

Of course there will be people out there who are not like this but from what I have seen (and I know at least 25 people from PS background) it seems it's true for the majority.

Good for er - she might end up in TV if she sticks with it. But I need real people who want to and need to have an actual career, have ad actual work experience in the real world - give me someone who worked in a pub or at McD's as a student any day of the week - and can relate to most people.

'I remember always feeling invested in by the teaching and pastoral staff and like your opinion was valued and mattered.'

Private schools are businesses and the pupils and their parents are the paying customers - so up to a point they have to pretend that, even if it's not true.

I think many state schools are now getting much better at doing many of the things that nurture self-confidence in children.

@CheersForThatEh "I think that's a valid point. But private school has become much more accessible to the middle class."

This is known to be completely untrue,

Schools that cost £10k 15 years are up 50%. Average london private day school now £20k+ and boarding schools £40k+

Very few middle class people can afford this unless they are in specific sectors that pay huge bonuses etc. or unless they have one child.

This thread is the biggest load of rubbish I had read. Someone should start a thread "what do you think of state school students" for those who went to private school to write absolute drivel.

What a stupid thread. Talk about an invitation for the usual, predictable small-minded, bigoted anecdotes - "I know four people who went to private school and... and..." Ffs.