If you didn’t go to a private school, what do you think about those who did?

[hanginds]

Do you feel they had an unfair advantage? Do you care? Do you think they don’t know about the real world?

I really struggle to connect with colleagues who were privately educated as they seem almost entitled to the job. They seem fearless about finding alternative work if needs be, yet I just don’t have that confidence. I assume it’s their background as it’s the only difference between us in the academic/work context.

But maybe that kid wouldn't have got anywhere near that by not going to private school. Maybe their parents are just happy they're in a job at all. The point is you have no idea. You are making sweeping generalisations and judgements.

Oh I didn’t waste it - I got the grades I needed to do the job I wanted. I went to uni. I earn a “good” wage. Most importantly, I do a job that I love. Could I have worked harder at school and got a “better” job? Probably. Would I be happier? Probably not. Was my education wasted? No.

School is about way, way more than grades, and I do think I had a more well rounded education in my “bad” school than I would have in a private school. And I took confidence from that.

I don’t need “family money” to fall back on - nor do my colleagues. I’m financially comfortable - I could send my own children to private school, but I absolutely do not want to put them in that kind of environment. The fact that you are bringing up “family money” for private school colleagues is quite sad - you think it’s okay that they - as professional adults - need their families to bankroll them to keep them “neck and neck” with me further perpetuates the fact that they are there due to privilege.

So it’s okay that they are there purely because their parents are wealthy? You don’t see that as unfair on poorer students?

I disagree with private schools as a whole. I dont dislike people who went to private schools - some of my close friends did.

I take confidence in the fact that I got to where I did without relying on private schools, or tutors, or family money. And no matter what jobs my kids end up with; they will have done it on their own merit; without step-ups from us.

This is the same dilemma we have. I hadn't given private school a second thought until I found myself living in an area with two failing schools. I came from such a school (not as bad though). I don't want that for my children and I don't really care what others may think unless they have the same choice of schools.

So I have a choice, move to access better comprehensives or stay and go private.

That's interesting.

I was at Cambridge in the early 90s, so only a few years earlier than you. My college was roughly 50/50 state/private but there were some colleges at that time with much higher proportions of privately educated students and others with higher proportions of state. Around 80% of the students at my college on my particular course were privately educated, so I did feel rather outnumbered!

I always knew exactly which of my peers were privately educated and which were not, and I definitely felt that there were real differences - mostly in terms of attitudes and mannerisms rather than anything substantial, but it was very evident. There was definitely a sense of solidarity amongst the state educated students, as I think many of us found the public school vibe pretty off-putting at first. We learned to look past it as we got to know people better, of course.

I don't think it was a frequent topic of conversation after the first term or so, but the schools people went to came up a lot in freshers' week - tons of people asking each other which school they went to etc. I found it utterly bizarre because obviously, nobody would have heard of my state comp and I didn't really care which school anyone else had been to! But it clearly mattered quite a lot to those who had been to the "big name" public schools. Probably not so much to the kids who went to the small local indies, but they were a bit invisible at the time!

I had gone to an excellent comprehensive school, and had been far more successful academically than the girl I l had lived with during my gap year, despite her having gone to a "big name" school, so it didn't ever occur to me to feel hard done by. However, socially, it was certainly a factor. In that first year in particular, a lot of the privately educated students seemed very alien and different to me. The way they presented themselves was not in line with what I was used to, and I interpreted it at first as them being rather full of themselves. I subsequently realised that that wasn't actually the case, it was just their normal way of talking, and they had no intention of coming across that way. Once I had learnt to look beyond the veneer, some of those privately educated students actually became very good friends, but I wouldn't have imagined that possible at first!!

I don't think anything other than people are entitled to do what they can and want for their children

It's important to remember, when saying that Oxbridge has 50:50 state and private (not sure if that's right, but I've seen that figure on this thread) that only 7% of kids go to private school. So 50% from 7% of the cohort. 50% from the other 93%.

Genuinely? I think most are a bit dim, not really academic - but Daddy had money and paid for a private education.

I came from an area of working class, grammar school kids and they were the genuinely smart ones. Private school seems to confer an overwhelming confidence in themselves and their worth with absolutely nothing of substance or strength underneath it.

I could list a whole group of famous, private school educated people in the public eye who are just thick as two short planks, and you have to wonder whether their parents received value for money.

Op, what about people whose parents moved to be in catchment for outstanding State schools? Do you feel the same about them?

I've been puzzled by this even if all schools were one type, same courses ect, it would never be truly equal as some students would still be better at certain subjects do to the human mind, so once school begins equal, after that it's never equal

I have quite a few friends who went to private school. They're all different. Most are less advantaged by their school as such and more by connections and a financial safety net that means they can take risks and have the space to make them succeed when people who went to the state school I went to would not be able to. But they generally had access to significantly better facilities than I did and a lot more help getting into uni and then into a job.

My main feeling about them though is that they really have no clue how most people live. Their ideas about life in the UK and what people have to do to get by are hugely skewed by their narrow experience. They have no idea the hurdles most people would have to overcome to get into a position that they just take for granted. It really worries me when I see how many of our politicians went to private or highly selective state schools.

quite a snobby attitude to have. Maybe if you got to know some you would find most have regular boring lives like everyone else.

@OoooohMatron to answer your question...we can comfortably afford the 25-30k per annum it costs, so I guess that means we aren't doing too badly. I was just pointing out that we aren't super-rich, just like a lot of people who send their kids private.

I suppose it's down to priorities. Friends have chosen to spend loads more than us on a house, yet they are sending their DC to a local primary which has been given a very poor Ofsted report.

Why do I choose to send mine? I want them to have the happiest experience possible at school and this is the place I think will provide that, for various reasons.
I want them to be able to learn without being exposed to extreme behaviour issues and have access to specialist teaching in science, languages etc. It's not necessarily about them going on to make lots of money, but rather develop a love for learning. It's about giving them choices.
The school we've chosen also aligns with our values and the local state schools just don't.

Hope that goes some way to answering your questions.

I like working wit

I like working with graduates who went to private school more than those who went to state schools. They have a bit of private school polish that makes them better to interact with.

Tall poppy syndrome. Sometimes it’s best to let people sulk on their own.

I find some of these comments quite upsetting to read. I know lots of lovely privately educated people, many of whom had no say over how they were educated. I can't believe that anyone would really refuse to speak to them on the basis of their educational background alone?! Is someone who went to a state school but ends up sending their kids to a private school better? What about the non-religious parents who show up to church just to get a place at a top faith school, or those who rent a place in the right catchment area before moving (or returning) to a house further away?

Anyway, you guessed it, DP went to a private school and he and his school friends are some of the nicest people I know. Most of them are very down to earth and really would get on with anyone. I'm not from that background by any stretch and I've always felt like and been treated as an equal.

Yes, there are absolutely a bunch of idiots from private schools, as there are from any school or walk of life.

I went to a university with a high proportion of privately educated students. I could usually guess whether someone had been to state or private. There's definitely something in the confidence and also in the manners. I found they were more likely to have tried their hand at a broad range of extracurricular activities, had a deeper or more equal relationship with their sixth-form teachers (the teachers seemed to be more approachable than ours generally were), had had the benefit of much better resources (proper school libraries!) and had been taught how to be self starters. Personally, I felt that my highly rated comprehensive was very geared to ticking boxes rather than a holistic education. There was a big gap between our experiences and I felt it keenly. Never really got over the imposter syndrome.

I'm not at all opposed to viewing applicants in the context of their school, but some of the comments here are incredibly extreme.

Unfair advantage not sure how.....4 siblings and myself all did well normal school, then colleges then uni's and now out of 5 of us 4 own our own businesses and all doing well and hope to pass on the same work ethics to our kids now

StarmanBobby · Yesterday 21:13
At our work we’re now weeding out a lot of the private/Oxbridge types as part of DE&I.
thankfully. Our industry is full of half witted posh boys, and girls, who talk the talk in an interview but lack any real substance.
positive discrimination ( obvs we don’t call it that) is the only way to get anywhere near evening it out.

That must be a relief for any of the unfortunate ‘posh’ boys and girls who have to work with you as no doubt you go out of your way to be as unpleasant as you can to them.
I guess you enjoyed making life hard for them so at least you got pleasure out of it.
What industry do you work in?

Really well put. So many bitter people on here, it's embarrassing

@Sickoffamilydrama

I'm so happy your DD is doing well.
I think it's the small class sizes and just the 1-1 focus and different experiences.

I am a lone parent so the private school fees are hard but it's worth every penny to see my ND daughter thriving.

State school provision is bloody shocking.

On a different note the statistics of mixed sex secondary school sexual assaults against girls is a disgrace. The system lets girls down.

Thank you. I'm in a position where we could just about manage to send DC private but it would be a struggle and we would have to without other things like holidays etc. I don't judge those who send DC private at all and I'd likely do the same if we could do it comfortably.

School is about way, way more than grades, and I do think I had a more well rounded education in my “bad” school than I would have in a private school. And I took confidence from that.

Great for you. Many wouldn't and don't. You seem to think that everyone has the same opportunities as you despite the school they went to. That's just not true.

There's such a wide range of private schools, and indeed personalities it can be hard to put something down to method of education as opposed to life experiences and personality. One thing I do find a bit odd about lots of private school pupils is the inability to let go of the school and move forward in life. School is a stepping stone to the next thing, not something that remains permanently at your side. I know a bloke professionally who is nearly 60 and went to a well known private school. He still has on his LinkedIn profile the fact that he went there, was a prefect and played on their squash team!

True and if money was no issue I'd probably send mine. I'm not judging and I certainly don't agree with some posters on here. We live in an affluent area where quite a few of DCs friends from state primary went onto private for secondary and they still see them outside school. They are certainly not snobby or posh, nor are their parents. I was just interested in the PPs motivation and she has kindly now answered my question.