If you didn’t go to a private school, what do you think about those who did?

[hanginds]

Do you feel they had an unfair advantage? Do you care? Do you think they don’t know about the real world?

I really struggle to connect with colleagues who were privately educated as they seem almost entitled to the job. They seem fearless about finding alternative work if needs be, yet I just don’t have that confidence. I assume it’s their background as it’s the only difference between us in the academic/work context.

I’m a lawyer and when I applied for my training contract, the reason the managing partner took me on over hundreds of others was my private school education (he admitted that to me years later). So yes, it can give you a significant advantage in some areas of life.

However, I come from a poor as arse background and went to school on a bursary, so I don’t have a lot of the “silver spoon in mouth” traits I see on this thread. Some of my rich friends, however, are an utter mess even in their late 30s and still relying on their parents for handouts.

If someone is only able to get a job by buying confidence then I’d argue that it isn’t the job for them.

I have confidence BECAUSE I went to a bad school. I can hold my head up high and say that I got there because of my OWN merit. Not because my parents paid a lot of money to get me there.

(grammar schools in the form you are referring to don’t exist where I am - you go to your nearest state school or you go to a private school)

I'm shocked. Can you imagine the uproar if those from private education stereotyped those from state in a similar way? There are a lot of ignorant assertions and assumptions on this thread. And a lot of shoulder chips. And I didn't go to private school.

I dont think about it.

I know 7 people who have been/currently go and all are very normal and average and have average jobs.

One had a military parent, one was in with a bad crowd and was moved to private school to be moved away from it (apparently they just had better drugs), the rest are very nice and normal people (apart from some of them having friends with obscenely posh names)

I've seen more people who dont go to private school talking about private school than people who went or send their kids there. I think people who do that link it to status and power and see it as aspirational.

How do you know some parents aren't paying for property for their children as well as paying school fees? You don't know.

It's not an open secret that some parents pay for tutors. It's not a secret at all.

I know lots of privately educated people. I went to uni with lots of them and worked with lots of them. I take each person as I find them. Some are great, some are not so great.

As a group, I don't think they have had a genuine advantage over me and my state educated peers tbh - I actually think their parents wasted their money. They are not generally better educated or more successful; they are not happier or more mentally healthy; and I don't actually agree with the idea that they are more confident either - not in terms of real, inner confidence in any case.

I do think that most privately educated people - not all - have a kind of veneer of confidence, but you only have to dig a little bit below the surface to find that it doesn't go very deep at all. It's just packaging. As someone else said, they're often good at talking the talk but that doesn't always mean that there is substance behind it, and in my experience, that can actually make people feel quite insecure.

I do think some privately educated people can be a bit oblivious about how they come across to others, but of course, that applies to some state educated people too, just in a slightly different way.

I don't think you can generalise, really. People are just people. Some are lovely, and some are not.

I mean I do know my friends reasons for sending them and it's to give them a 'better education'. They do socialise but it's all through school clubs etc - they are very full on with sports etc.

My kids do guides and dance etc, football. When they were younger they maybe had a more varied friendship group but now they're teens pretty much all their friends are from school.

Giving someone the opportunity to thrive so they have the confidence to reach their potential is not the same as buying it.

Good for you. Not everyone would respond in the same way as you. If only everyone worked as hard as you and went to the same BAD school I'm sure they'd be just as successful.....

Grammar schools may not exist but there will still be educational inequality.

I went to a private school on a full scholarship. I met lovely poor and rich people at that school, I also met horrible poor and rich people. Money didnt make them better or worse.

However I also dont judge anyone on their education or their career. One of my best friends was a bloke who barely scraped a single GCSE but could have hugely intelligent conversations with me.

As a pp said, its inverse snobbery to judge someone on a decision their parents made. Why would any decent person judge others on their past education and not on who they are now? I dont have a clue whether most of the people I work with are private or state educated, and frankly am not interested in finding out.

One of the nastiest people I worked with was European, but I dont assume other Europeans are similar. Whats the difference in assuming someone is the sole product of their education?

I didn’t work hard - that’s my point 😂 bad school, not academically gifted, naturally lazy, the whole lot. I did the bare minimum to get to where I am now. Didn’t spend a penny either. So yeah, I’d say it was a waste of money for those who got to where I am by going to private school. As a parent, I’d be gutted I wasted my money 😂

99% of the ones I meet you can't tell they are just normal like everyone else

There are some who have a superiority complex from their parents BUT even then I don't judge people just because of what school they go to

That would make me just as bad as people who think they are better for any other reason (if people think that) and I also don't have achip on my shoulder and need to do this weird jealous/judgemental thing to make myself feel better

People are people, good and bad in all walks of life

I did both. Massive differences in sense of entitlement. Went to a uni dominated by private school kids. Again massive differences as lifestyle & wealth were poles apart.

I didn’t, but my son has gone to a private school. It does not make anyone better or worse a person. We sent our son to private school because the school near us was categorized as a ‘failing’ school, friends of mine who were teachers advised us to find another school. It also had problems with a drug culture. A white demographic. Another main reason is we wanted him to have a Catholic education. The students were diverse, at the same time they had Catholicism in common, he made lifelong friends there.

I went to public school as a child and it was excellent and in one of those gorgeous old buildings with tons of character and importantly great teachers and supportive atmosphere. I have very good memories of that school. Unfortunately we didn’t have such a school later on when I had my son living in a different city.

My son doesn’t consider himself above anyone else, people who think they’re superior or inferior based on that have insecurities and false ideas they need to deal with.

The main difference I’ve noticed is that the private school kids have such confidence in their own opinions. They have authority when they speak because they really believe they deserve to be listened.

By contrast, it is usually the state educated people who say thinks like “sorry, this is probably a stupid idea but…” I’ve had to train myself to stop saying this!

I don’t have a clue who of my colleagues went to a private school and who didn’t.

But then again, I’m not in the UK, where as soon as you speak, your class is pretty much given away.

Yep DD autistic and was really struggling with local large comp but wasn't "bad enough" to get any extra support. They'd also already written her off and said she'd probably not get a GCSE in Maths or English.

She'd practically stopped speaking, was pulling her hair out and had other tics.

She now goes to a small private school.

She talks lots, she smiles she's like a different a child. She's doing well in some subjects which has never happened before.

She went on a trip the first term she was there and in one of the photos she is laughing a huge wide opened laugh, I realised I hadn't seen her do that for years. If all we've paid for is her happiness and her not to be a shell of herself then it is worth every penny.

It's like the weight of the world has been lifted off her and our shoulders. If people want to judge her and us for sending her there then quite frankly I'd rather not know them myself and I'd tell them to Fuck Off.

My DP is private educated, so are many of my friends. I'm not (fairly dodgy state). But I present to society at large as solidly middle class and so not as the kind of person that insecure idiots tend to try and patronise.

I'm really not a huge fan of private schools in general: "Engines of Privilege: Britain's Private School Problem" by David Kynaston sums it up well - if one analyses in terms of general outcomes, they function as a highly economically inefficient way of passing privilege along from one generation to the next. I would rather stick needles in my eyes than send my DC to one. But there are good reasons for some people to pick them, particularly if catering for non-neurotypical requirements - in such cases if I were in their shoes, I'd do the same thing.

None of that is a reason to take any individual differently depending on what school they went to - it's not their fault after all! If someone is sneery because of their school, what they are actually conveying is a mixture of insecurity and daftness.

Any other random sectors of society you feel like drumming up unwarranted, largely unsubstantiated, stereotypical, outdated, ignorant & biased judgemental criticism of? Why stick to just these particular children, young adults & parents? Sure your views are just as enlightened about people who make different choices to yours in other areas of their life or differ in other ways but viewpoints like that often end in an 'ism'. Fill in the blank with another sector of society eg I.wouldn't be friends with - people. Check out the language in this thread , ' halfwitted' 'immoral', 'identikit'
Not your finest hour.

You come across awfully here. Do you know what a privilege it is to access a free education? And you boast that you wasted that opportunity. We all do silly things as kids, I dont judge you for being too young to appreciate your opportunities but I judge you for boasting about that as an adult like it is some kind of badge if honour.

You might well be in the same job as your private school peers but they may have family money to rely on, which doesnt really put you on am even keel in the long run. You might be neck and neck, or even ahead right now, but dont rest on your laurels, the race isnt over.

DCs friend works in psychology for the education authority. She visits state and private schools as a counsellor. Unhappy children equally in both she said.

I went to the local comprehensive and until I went to University (1980) had met hardly anybody who was privately educated. My room mate in 1st year had been to boarding school and was undoubtedly more confident and socially at ease than I was. Nevertheless we became good friends and I enjoyed her company.

During my time at Uni I met and also shared accommodation with other people who were privately educated. The confidence thing was definitely always there. However I honestly think I ended up doing as well in my career as any of them. My state education definitely didn't hold me back.

I think they’re lucky and I’m a little jealous, but I’m not bitter or negative towards them. Why would I be?

Just as I feel about people with more money than me, or people with bigger houses than me, or better bodies than me. I admire and envy their good fortune but that isn’t a reason to say that no one should have better stuff than I do.

What uni was this, and when? Even Oxbridge was only about 50-50 private/state in the late 90s, when I went.

I think the topic of whether we went to private or state schools came up like once. It was not in any way obvious from our hobbies, accents or personal characteristics. We had almost all been to schools with middle class intakes and had educated parents. Someone with a very obviously working class accent and background might possibly have had feelings of being out of place (which sucks, but that is a different story). But those of us who had been to state schools in the leafy suburbs didn’t feel any different to those who went to fee paying schools.

By the way, the great majority of “ people who went to private schools” did not go to famous public schools like Eton. Most private schools are non-famous local private schools - Saint Custard’s School for Girls, Cheshire or whatever.

Probably less family money once the schools fees have been paid for, though? ;)
Unless you have money to burn, paying for schooling tends to mean less in the way of a housing deposit etc. later on…..

Nottingham. In 90s. Loved it but my mates were 75% the state educated ones. I don't have much in common with the wealthy / horsey / boarding school set.