If you didn’t go to a private school, what do you think about those who did?

[hanginds]

Do you feel they had an unfair advantage? Do you care? Do you think they don’t know about the real world?

I really struggle to connect with colleagues who were privately educated as they seem almost entitled to the job. They seem fearless about finding alternative work if needs be, yet I just don’t have that confidence. I assume it’s their background as it’s the only difference between us in the academic/work context.

I don’t live in London. I live in the midlands, in a village, with one secondary within a 10 mile radius. Our catchment school is truly awful, with very little chance of getting in to other surrounding schools as they’re all over subscribed.
I’ve done some research and to move into the catchment of our nearest ‘excellent’ state secondary would cost around an extra £250k for a similar house to the one we live in now.

Are you against private medical care too in terms of some people getting better medical treatment than others?

How about private tutoring?

Business class on planes?

VIP section of clubs?

Where does it end?

@Peppadog I understand that point of view completely. I'm from very left wing parents who sent me to grammar school abd I definitely benefited from that. I moved out of a grammar school area after Uni and am now in a non-grammar area with some very poor secondary schools. So we have made the decision to go private for secondary after state until Yr6. Funnily enough my socialist parents who have always kicked off about the private education sector have moved up to this area and are now offering to help with school fees as they have seen what the state offer in.
In a perfect world there would be no need for private but that world doesn't exist and I am extremely grateful that we can afford an alternative. I don't take this for granted and I won't let DD either buy neither do I apologise for it or the amazing experiences she has that she would never get at state schools.
I have to wonder at how many people who are so set against private education have no qualms about sending their DC to grammar schools? Or use financial privilege to move house to the catchment of the best state school in their area.

Yep!

So my hypocrisy and inconsistency on this thread...

‘haven’t yet seen them be told they should stay where they are because otherwise they’re paying for an educational advantage.’

thenOP asked what people thought of those privately educated. These are the answers.
You don't like them then you don’t.

I was telling my sister about my new boss, who seems to have walked into the job despite having little experience and few of the qualifications they were looking for. Her first question was “what school did he go to?”. True enough: he went to Winchester, which was also one of the first things he told me when we were introduced.

He’s nice enough, talks the talk and his face fits (international school, aspirational parents) but can’t really walk the walk.

personally I dislike private education and all forms of elitism, but it seems to be how the world - and people - work.

I wouldn’t mind a good old fashioned ‘I’ve got the money and, well, the proletariat can get fucked’ attitude. It’s those that kid themselves that that’s not actually what’s going on for them (ie ignore the divide that they are perpetuating).

I work with a lot of privately educated folks. I’d say they are not particularly bright but they are very confident. I’m state educated and I had one posh guy tell me the difference is if you’ve boarded you’re able to work alongside people you hate. Where as state educated people would just walk away. Maybe there is something in that. They seem to be very resilient and impervious to criticism.

The big advantage of buying into a good state school catchment area is that you have a house to sell at the end.

@twistyizzy I have just moved into an area where there are good state schools but it is done by lottery, so you can't guarantee a school. That way everyone gets a fair shout at the 'best' school but actually all of them are fine. I moved away from an area that had an outstanding comp, where people were paying 100s of thousands to live near it. I hated that, it felt so wrong, the school was only amazing because it had zero deprived kids which pushed the grades up and it was a very Tory area which doesn't suit us, I much prefer this area.
I'm not saying lotteries don't have their issues, but on the whole it is a fairer system.

I went to a fairly deprived comp, more deprived than the comps round here and I did well at uni, my DH went to a state school and did well at uni.
There are huge areas, especially in London from my experience, where one of the reasons the state schools are so bad is because so many people are going to independents in the area. I just don't agree with it in principle. Education is too important, it should be universal and fair.
If I was in your shoes, I would definitely consider private, so no judgement here, it's such a tough decision, but for most people it just isn't an option. I actually don't think we could afford it now anyway as we have 3 kids.

*Are you against private medical care too in terms of some people getting better medical treatment than others?

How about private tutoring?

Business class on planes?

VIP section of clubs?

Where does it end?*

No-one has to go into a VIP section of a club - all children need to be educated.
And it should be good quality and free at the point of use.

Indeed. But that’s an aside to the issue that you’re still buying an education.

I asked another, follow on question, because sometimes threads move away from the sole question posed in the OP. If you don’t have an answer to it then that’s fine.

That says a lot more about you than them.

I went to Durham university from a local comp and hated a lot of my time there due to the Private School cliques. In my college you had to be a rugby playing posh boy or a female clinger on. Not everyone was like this, but a lot of them were.
If you weren't spending Easter in Val d'Isere you didn't fit in.

I think the issue is that there are some naturally bright people who went to private school but probably still would have excelled had they gone to a run of the mill state school. However, they are far outnumbered by people with mediocre ability who were privately educated. For this type, the spoonfeeding and extra support massively inflated their grades.

In my anecdotal experience the latter type have an unwavering self-belief and gift of the gab which often gets them to positions that far exceed their competence.

Lots of chips and insecurities here. And people using anecdotes as evidence and spouting inaccuracies.

One thing is being mentioned: private school kids turn out more confident. Confidence is good, arrogance not so much. My question is, why are state schools not churning out confident kids and what can we do about it?

We have all had kids in my group of university friends. Most are aged 15-22 now. It’s probably 50/50 in terms of state and privately educated kids. They have grown up knowing each other and all get on. Some are becoming friends themselves now which is just lovely.

None of them judge each other on their schooling, private or state. Because it doesn’t matter. Sounds like they could teach some adults here a thing or two.

If I had money and school-age kids now, and read MN, I would definitely consider private schooling. The tales from teachers here about the troubles in state education are terrifying.

I would want to pay to get my kids an education with some consistency of teachers and enough glue sticks. Not for an elite education, but for a basic education. Which great teachers here say the state is struggling to provide currently. It’s so scary and depressing.

Would that be unfair? Yes. But I would want my kids to have subject teachers at A Level. And if that meant taking them away from the ‘real’ world (an odd phrase I always think, as everyone’s world is real
to them), then I would do it. Roll on a new government and decent funding for our state schools..?

Out local private school are "always" advertising for more staff!!! I think in some areas they struggle to recruit just like the state sector and my friend is a supply teacher and does nearly all her shifts at this school but likes it because class sizes are smaller.

@YearsOfStagnation about the confidence issue my best guess having been to both types of schools is that to be confident it usually comes from being good at something be it sports or academics. Unfortunately in a state school amongst students especially if you are academically inclined it can be a cause for being bullied. I am not saying all kids in state schools are like that but all it takes is the negative attention of 10% of the peers to make a bright kid less confident. I could be completely wrong though

Ah ok. Friends who have got kids at private schools where we are, don’t seem to have the issues with stuff like having five supply teachers in one year, losing the foreign language options for GCSE etc I have seen mentioned here. Maybe they are just lucky then.

I don't think you can massively inflate grades at A level tbh. As and A stars are hard to get and show academic skill whichever school you went to.

If by spoonfeeding you mean finishing the syllabus in time so there was plenty of time for revision, then yes. I know dds state school educated friend didn't finish either her A level psychology or rs syllabus last year and had to do it herself in her spare time. That's just a bit crap, not an amazing way to grow resilience.

It’s a shame that stuff still happens. I was teased and called a swot a lot growing up. I was an unhappy and unattractive child and bullied but I worked hard and did well. Being called a swot was horrid.

I have three dds 7 years apart and all had the same teachers for some subjects. One of the extra curriculum heads taught my SIL! Certainly no teacher churn here.

Dd3 went to our local state for 18 months. She had 5 different maths teachers.

I think the pandemic highlighted the difference between some private and state schools. The private sector was better able to catch up the exam classes; that’s what my niece told me anyway. She works as a science teacher in an inner city state secondary in Birmingham.