If you didn’t go to a private school, what do you think about those who did?

[hanginds]

Do you feel they had an unfair advantage? Do you care? Do you think they don’t know about the real world?

I really struggle to connect with colleagues who were privately educated as they seem almost entitled to the job. They seem fearless about finding alternative work if needs be, yet I just don’t have that confidence. I assume it’s their background as it’s the only difference between us in the academic/work context.

I see this thread is still going and it's vile - people are spouting such utter ignorance and should be embarrassed. Literally no clue about anything.

🤣🤣 sorry you are calling those 4 people judgemental?? Best answer to a post so far 🙄 You are judging a whole population of school children on 4 people 😀

"Either way I'd be paying for better educational opportunities"

I think this sums up the conversation perfectly. Aside from very rich parents, who are in the minority, many parents on Mumsnet are making exactly the same trade offs if they aren't lucky enough to be living near a good school - is it better to move to a good catchment area, or to try and afford independent / private schools?

People asked this same question when I went to Uni in 1997.

It was usually to decide whether it was worthwhile chatting you up or not.

I also notice the ‘bright kids will do well anywhere’ sentiment is usually espoused by parents safe in the knowledge that they/their children have done well, or are confident that they will do. You don’t normally see “my kid had potential but he was weak and got crippled by his environment. He was a total failure when it came survival of the fittest, so we can just write that one off as a bad job”

100% this.

Honestly, in RL, I'd far rather spend time with the kind of people who admit Tilly isn't clever but would at least have half a chance at a good private school than some of the trilling middle class smugsters on this thread with their 9 A stars and top A levels.

Some of the defensive replies remind me of the Steve Pemberton character in Happy Valley and his demand for money due to the necessity for his kids to be privately educated.

It’s not ever going to be possible to justify the argument that this was necessary for your kids but others who didn’t have the means didn’t have that necessity.

Of course you are going to want to do what’s best for your kids. But this ‘I’m alright jack’ mentality is perpetuating inequality and widening the divide.

there’s an entire borough in the north west that has NO sixth forms at all because parents with ambitions for their kids to do a-levels have taken them to (state) schools in neighbouring boroughs thereby reducing what is remaining as a provision for kids / parents leaving school at 15/6.

According to the ONS private school alumni, on average, earn £10,000 more than their state educated counterparts by age 30. I suppose that could be considered ‘worth it’.

A child having a good experience at school can also be considered worth it, as can the attainment of an excellent and varied education in its own right.

BUT what is a school like this?

There are loads of threads on here where posters are talking about moving house purely to get into a good school catchment area. I haven’t yet seen them be told they should stay where they are because otherwise they’re paying for an educational advantage. In fact they’re generally told they should stretch themselves to get into a good catchment area as good schooling is so important.

Parents want to provide the best for their children, and the ones with more means have more options in doing so. It’s ‘I’m alright Jack’, as opposed to making your child the sacrificial lamb in order to make a point.

Why is that the responsibility of private school parents to take on the role of spokespersons for failing schools?

I had already said in my previous replies to this poster. There are multiple videos circulating about my local catchment school presently. Videos of groups of children randomly beating up other kids. Bullying other kids in the school loos whilst onlookers stand there vaping.

It's not a question of would you - my child goes to a school like this because we have no choice. It's the only school available.
I hate that there are kids that act like this but a lot of people have no choice.

Haven't read the full thread. I went to uni with mostly private school students. It really shocked me the difference. The levels of confidence, how sheltered they were, unaware of how most of society live. I think as people get older this changes but some can live in a bubble their whole lives. Lots got jobs just through contacts alone.
I wouldn't choose to privately educate unless the state schools were really bad, I'd want my kids to experience normal life and wouldn't want them to think having that much money was normal, or have high expectations for possessions or holidays.

the sacrificial lamb
Bit over dramatic non? Just your child is a sacrificial lamb? As seen by whom - you and your middle class peers?
if a child is not a sacrificial lamb does that mean they are part of the slaughterhouse? Are there a whole load of kids in between who are not sacrificial lambs but somehow aren’t precious enough to qualify as sacrificial lambs?

So much inverted snobbery on this thread!!!

I was privately educated from 11-18. We weren't rich. I'm still not rich. Nobody I work with treats me any differently to anybody else because I don't act differently.

With massive help from my DF, I have privately educated my children. One from 11-18 and one from 11-16. They are both happy, well balanced, well mannered kids. DC1 is working now (19) and DC2 is in sixth from at local comp. Neither have experienced any of the discrimination being talked about on here.

Both DC had a lovely education in a well equipped school. They have both made some great friends. They quickly learnt they wouldn't always be able to afford what others hadp. They also learnt to hold their own in a conversation with people from all walks of life. I'm incredibly glad they've had the opportunities they've had and frankly, can't understand why anyone would treat them negatively as a result of something that I chose to do?

I know and it is awful that there are schools like this and that people have no choice but to send their children to them. What we need to do is start addressing these problems from the bottom so that all schools are safe spaces for children. That would be the best way to eradicate private schools and have equality.

My question was directed at a poster who does have the means to send her child to a better school but would apparently choose not to.

any more dramatic than ‘I’m alright Jack?’ to characterize parents daring to want the best they can give their children?

it’s up to each individual parent to decide what they want for their children, dependent on what they are able to offer. Their children being, after all, the ones they are responsible for.

Our DD is in private. We saved for 5 years to afford the fees, we live in a very modest 3 bed semi and don't have luxury holidays etc. This is the situation most parents who chose to send their kids to private school are in. Yes there are a few seriously rich parents but 95% are the same as us. Don't tar us all as being very well off, materialistic people. We do without luxuries such as new cars/big house etc and are happy to do so but it is so frustrating when people tar all children in the private sector as out of touch and entitled etc. This is just not our experience at all.

I give it almost no thought tbh. Of those I know may who went, probably half of those were because their parents taught there. None have used the ‘advantage’ to their benefit from what I can see.A fee became teachers themselves (at private schools only though, so their kids can go) but other than that none made it into high flying careers, all were pretty average with exams. None of them married into wealth or move in wealthy circles.

I went to quite a deprived comp and I'm quite envious of those who have had the advantage of a private school education - and even those who went to more sought-after state schools, in desirable catchments or grammar areas. Many of them have not just done well academically and professionally, but have interesting hobbies, are creative, sociable, healthy, fit, have happy home lives and are confident and kind.

I managed to perform well academically but always lacked enough confidence and social skills to have a decent career, so I've sent all my dc to private school because I want better opportunities for them. Even at prep school I can see how the additional curriculum and small classes have helped my dcs gain confidence and a happier, more rounded experience at school.

Honestly don't understand why parents who decide to buy the privilege of private school are so upset that other people don't agree with their choices or have a perception about the kind of people who come from private schools.

You made a choice you're happy with, so that's that. The rest of the world has a long way to go for any kind of equity when it comes to the kind of privilege your kids will experience in school and in the work world. Shouldn't that be enough?

How do you feel about people buying the privilege of an excellent state school by deliberately moving house into the catchment area, just out of interest?

'How do you feel about people buying the privilege of an excellent state school by deliberately moving house into the catchment area, just out of interest?'

Some people ave a very London centric view of how school works. There are lots of regions and areas of the UK where the schools are all good, not amazing, not outstanding, not selective, just good.
But if you want to, need to, can afford to move to get into one of these 'mythical' MC excellent schools then go for it I suppose. Or go private. Same same.

My local private school is mid ranking, nothing particularly special. The local state schools are all at best mediocre with some which bounce regularly into 'requires improvement'.

Fees for the private school would be £210,000 per child to go from reception to the end of 6th form. Minimal bursaries/scholarships/multi child discounts. For context, in my area, £210,000 will buy a decent 3 bed terraced house.

If I was spending the price of a house on education for my child I would want there to be a real benefit/advantage to come from it.

@twistyizzy I don't mean to offend, I take people as they come and wouldn't judge an individual, it's just what I tend to notice. I do have friends who went to private school and don't even give a second thought.

Where I live the comps are good, and I find people who send their kids to private school either have buckets of cash (some of these schools are 30k a year per child) or desperately want their kids to only mix with a certain demographic.

I don't really agree with private schools, I don't think it's fair that some children get access to a better education than others purely due to money. However I do understand that when all the comps are bad, the country leaves people with little choice but to go private. I just feel sorry for those left flailing in the awful comps who can't afford to go private as usually the standard of them drops even further as a result.