If you didn’t go to a private school, what do you think about those who did?

[hanginds]

Do you feel they had an unfair advantage? Do you care? Do you think they don’t know about the real world?

I really struggle to connect with colleagues who were privately educated as they seem almost entitled to the job. They seem fearless about finding alternative work if needs be, yet I just don’t have that confidence. I assume it’s their background as it’s the only difference between us in the academic/work context.

This thread is so vile, some of the replies are so ignorant. I went to private school because I had dyslexia and in the 80’s private schools were the better option for a decent education of you have learning difficulties.

I am very hardworking, I’m absolutely not entitled or spoilt. Yes my family are wealthy but at the end of the day my mum wasn’t getting the supper with my education at state school so she went out private.

and I’m so grateful for the opportunities I’ve been given and I absolutely do not take it for granted not do I look down on people who went to state school. Some of the most intelligent and smart people I know went to state schools. And for those saying they wouldn’t be friends with someone who went private well I don’t really hand out with bigots so that’s fair enough.

I spent 2 years working with my daughter’s state comp to try and support things to turn around. I joined the PTA, I had meetings with the head of curriculum, the head of safeguarding, her head of year, head of house and form tutor. I flagged concerns about disruptive behaviour, bullying, issues around arriving and leaving school, issues at lunchtimes. I raised the lack of homework and the inconsistency of the standard of homework set. Absolutely nothing made a difference and in the meantime our daughter was becoming more and more withdrawn and unhappy. I wanted and still want our local secondary school to be the best school it can be. But my daughter could not wait any longer. I endured a miserable time at state school 30 years ago because my parents had no choice but to send me. Why on earth would I force my daughter to put up with daily bullying and abuse when I can afford to put her somewhere where she will be accepted and respected?

Luckily the schools around me are not like that, however my husband attended a truly awful school, bottom of the league tables in the 90s when he attended, he has 2 degrees, a very successful career, a 6 figure salary and never struggled socially etc.

Parenting cannot be overestimated in its importance. We decided before kids that our kids would attend our local schools and any work needing done within the school we'd be proactive towards.

Because it was your voice alone, if there were more parents not accessing private school but attending state more change could be exacted.

Honestly? I find most of them completely out of touch and often fake. And often not deserving of them of their careers/earnings.

I only know 4, and they're all super confident and successful. They give a lot of high pitched greetings and kisses. But they're also judgemental and really don't get real life.

Even if I could afford it (which I can't), the only time I'd send my children to private school is if the local state schools were shockingly bad. I'd hate my children to be around that culture of wealth, I personally find it quite repulsive 🤭

I went to a private day school and when I went to a Russell Group uni back in the mid nineties I was surrounded by public school (boarding) kids. They were very intimidating. So grown up, confident and self sufficient. I think boarding school does that to you. Obviously my little local private school didn't register with them when asked "what school did you go to?" Not part of the tribe! My friends at uni were all state or grammar school kids.

Maybe I am not allowed to comment here because I went to both state and private schools. I won an academic scholarship with 80% fee remission. Socially it was quite tricky, but I made a few good friends, mostly from less well-off backgrounds.

People always say Oxbridge is stuffed full of private school kids, but if it is, they must hide elsewhere. My social circle was predominate state-school educated. One friend went to a Girls Day School Trust school. Other than her (and me) they all went to comprehensives.

I know that I can, by virtue of my parenting, give my children all the opportunities they need to thrive. What I can’t do is change the environment inside their classroom/school. Our local state school has a reputation for disruptive classrooms, violence, sexual abuse, and there are reports of younger children not being allowed to access the toilets all day as older ones block them, amongst other things. I can’t do anything about that. So I can either spend money on moving closer to a better state school or I can stay in our lovely house near to our support network (vital as we have a disabled child) and send them to a private school. Either way I’d be paying for better educational opportunities.

With respect, that’s naive.
If you removed private schools, there would still be an elite system. Affluent parents would move to areas with top rated grammar schools. When they filled up they would move to the catchment areas for top rated comps. Ordinary state schools would not improve.

Pot. Kettle. Black. You sound quite judgemental yourself. And based on a total of 4 people.

You're like a bloody politician avoiding the question! Would you send your child to a school like this if it was your local school?

I went to a rough comp just like you husband. Would never inflict it on my own children. I saw a friend get her head smashed into a window for looking at a girl the wrong way. Was groped countless times in the corridor. Having seen the videos circling of my catchment school it doesn't look any better.

'I went to private school because I had dyslexia'

completely different. As is any situation where a child genuinely needs specialist care.

Isn't this the truth. Parents who have the means will just move into better catchments, thus pushing up the house prices in those catchments and further excluding those who are less wealthy.

One of the positive things about DE&I policy is people often feel they can be more open about conditions - we have a few people working in our team who are dyspraxic and/or dyslexic. And at least one who's childhood stutter ( gained at boarding school apparently) can come back so badly under stress that we excuse them most public speaking.

Yes, I've specifically said, we would send our kids to our local state school and work with the school system. I thought that was clear from my answer.

Yep, the real solution there is that state schooling needs to improved the provision provided.

Government policy would change if government officials could only send their kids to state schools.

I honestly have no idea who is privately educated and who isn’t it seems to have zero bearings on what people are like or how successful they are in their 40s - hence why we have not bothered with our own children! It would be doable for us but a massive outlay. We live in a nice place though so the state schools are decent.

Did it ever cross your mind, that as the OP asked people to describe their own experiences, I might have been talking about the specific town I was born in, and therefore questioning why parents would send their children to private schools given the availability of grammar schools? And that I wasn't, in fact, talking about my thoughts on the entire country?

I don’t think anybody is being vile, nobody resents people who attended private school. They can be lovely, smart, successful and hardworking. It’s just that a lot of us think it’s a massive waste of money often with not much to show for.

Unsurprisingly a significant proportion of parents with means will prioritize the best interests of their own children, the ones they’re actually responsible for, rather than send them to lesser school in order to prove a point. This also applies to parents with means who choose to state educate, because they’re not usually sending their kids to failing schools when they have the option to pay a premium to live within the catchment area of an excellent school.

Some kids will do well anywhere, others however will sink regardless of their potential. School experience matters, and it shouldn’t be a trial by fire by which children should prove themselves worthy by defying the odds. It’s an education, the odds should be in their favor.

I also notice the ‘bright kids will do well anywhere’ sentiment is usually espoused by parents safe in the knowledge that they/their children have done well, or are confident that they will do. You don’t normally see “my kid had potential but he was weak and got crippled by his environment. He was a total failure when it came survival of the fittest, so we can just write that one off as a bad job”.

Well that’s not quite true. Some people on this thread have called those who went to private school arrogant, entitled, rude, up themselves… all sorts. So your last sentence may represent your opinion, but there are definitely some on this thread who have been vile.

and any work needing done within the school we'd be proactive towards

What does that even mean?

I think that's really sad that you would send your child to a school where you knew that bullying was rife. Where if they were lucky enough to escape violence against themselves they would still have to witness it happening around them and to others.
I doubt you would be so keen to work in an environment if you thought your colleagues might punch you for looking at them the wrong way.

What would ‘working with the school system’ look like? What would you do exactly?