If you didn’t go to a private school, what do you think about those who did?

[hanginds]

Do you feel they had an unfair advantage? Do you care? Do you think they don’t know about the real world?

I really struggle to connect with colleagues who were privately educated as they seem almost entitled to the job. They seem fearless about finding alternative work if needs be, yet I just don’t have that confidence. I assume it’s their background as it’s the only difference between us in the academic/work context.

I'm just playing along here. I wasn't really interested, I'm just saying as far as signing a form goes who's to say that it is 100% disingenuous to do so when there's an outside chance I might have changed my mind.

I had been inside it, our next door neighbour taught there and we occasionally got taken to their pool in the holidays with him.

My dad went to Cheltenham and his dad to Marlborough. It's not that it was a world unfamiliar to us by any means.

Or maybe you don’t know you have met them. Of course if you start every interaction with ‘did you go to private school?’ You would be a very strange individual!

By the same logic, if someone hasn’t met a state school alumnus that isn’t a chav then that must mean they all are.

I attended my local state school and to be honest when thinking about others who attended private schools I really couldn't care either way

This is how I feel now and when I was a teenager at secondary school

To me, it was more a case of that their parents had chosen to send them to private school and obviously have the financial means

I never felt massively inferior to them (apart from at sporting events when all the private school pupils had their matching branded tracksuits...but we still beat them!)

Yes there were those private school kids who thought they were above all the rest but they weren't worth the bother of dealing with/being friends with

Perhaps partly to explain the chilled attitude, this is because I knew I was just as good as them (on an academic & sporting level) or even better

My GCSE & A level results were just as good or better than friends or acquaintances at the local private or 'super selective schools

At university (a top 10 red brick one) we all mostly worked hard but it's noticeable the ones who struggled or dropped out were private school kids, those who seemed unable to cope when they were 'on their own' in terms of self motivation and self directed learning

Going to state school has made me what I am today, 4 A-levels and 2 degrees, in one of the professions earning a good salary

I'm still a bit meh about private schools, needless to say my children are at state school and will continue to do so!

Starman - you are making absurd, unsubstantiated generalisations (“Who often got into top unis with mediocre results”). You sound massively chippy and downright nasty. You’d hate me: DS1 went to a fancy prep school and then we had him tutored so he got into a grammar (9th best A level results in the country). Saves my husband (a hedge fund manager) and I a fortune. We both went to very prestigious schools. Now at least we can save up for a house deposit for him and he has a better shot at Oxbridge. People will always do the best for themselves and their children.

Or maybe you don’t know you have met them. Of course if you start every interaction with ‘did you go to private school?’ You would be a very strange individual!

Mind you when I went to university in 1984 this was literally the first question those who did go to private school asked in the bar at freshers. "What school did you go to?". And believe me, if you mentioned xxx Comprehensive in Xton they weren't interested.
Fast forward to 2016 and DD reports she was asked the same question (this time at Durham). Many privately educated individuals still seem to want to seek out their tribe.
We both made friends with students from both 'tribes', but both noted this wasnt a question asked by the state educated

Thanks it has made such a difference to her quality of life. Class sizes and the pastoral care are the differences plus add on activities.

I understand some people's ethical feelings about private schools. The education system isn't working for everyone especially the ND/SEN successive governments have tried to fix it but the reality is that it needs more money just like any other public service and no party will win an election by saying we all need to pay more taxes.

Whilst it is wrong that other children don't get the same chances my DD has there's no way I'm going to sacrifice her wellbeing as some kind of political statement.

I’m state educated, went to a Russell Group uni and can count on one hand the number of people who asked me what school I went to with fingers to spare, and I have plenty of privately educated friends (and a privately educated husband).

Substitute some alternative sectors of society based on let's say religion, sex, sexual orientation, ethnicity, health etc. Use the language in this post eg -- people are dim witted, - people's views are immoral, we are weeding out - people, I wouldn't be friends with -- people, - people aren't nice, -- people shouldn't get the job , -children are arrogant and ungrateful etc ad nauseam

Yep would sound like a lot like all the isms, phobics & other hateful judgement based on hackneyed stereotypical bias that still exist.

FWIW point of reference, ex failing comp, shut down due to stabbing.

Like all systems people will learn how to play it eventually. If the thing that gets you hired is showing your menial experience then that's what people will do. However, in most places it isn't. When I was a young person I was told to leave off any kind of menial work from my CV. I don't list loads of work that I've done because it's not relevant, and I think that for most jobs once you get past the initial first years in your early 20s, that listing any school results/jobs purely for money isn't going to help with a targeted specific application. Like if you're applying to be a professor in a university, you're not going to tell people in your application about your dish washing in a hotel when you were 20. Or that you still sometimes do casual work to make ends meet. You'd probably start with your degree, then further academic qualifications, publications, only relevant jobs, e.g. lecturing/research fellowships.

Saying that, I think it's good that some positive discrimination is being thought of about class, and acted upon in a recruitment context.

I went to state school as did my husband. I had socialist parents and we were always pretty sneery about private school.

Our children go to private school. They all started off at state school. It was a good school with great teachers. But they had zero outdoor space and did barely any physical activity. They were relatively happy there. We don’t pay for private for academics. None of our children are particularly academic and I don’t expect them to attain any better for going to private school. They are however extraordinarily happy and have really busy and fulfilling days at school.

I don’t agree that there should be this disparity and I know that we are fuelling it to a certain degree but my children’s happiness takes priority over my morals.

I went to private school my whole life (my single mum worked 3 jobs to make it possible as it was really important to her). I would hope that people don't see me as an entitled twat. Amongst my colleagues, I could not tell you who went where.

That said, amongst my private school classmates, very few of them have 'big careers'. They are just normal people. There are a few teachers, a couple doctors and nurses, but lots of them work in retail, one is a baggage handler at the airport, a few in admin/office roles, a few SAHP. Same as everyone else. I wouldn't exactly consider most of them overly confident, quite a few married young or got pregnant right out of school, have ended up in abusive relationships, now divorced and single parents who are struggling with all the same stuff that everyone else is struggling with. They certainly aren't Peers sending their kids off to Eton.

Because not all areas have grammar schools, there are none in the county we live in or the counties bordering ours. I find it odd that you don't know that.

Yes I was also asked this at fresher's week BUT despite having gone to a private school I still wouldn't have been considered part of that crowd. I did find that the Eton, Harrow, Winchester, Cheltenham Ladies, Roedean etc lot stuck together - massively so. And yes some of them were horrendous snobs. Others weren't, and were lovely.

My group of friends at my RG Uni was probably 90% state, 10% 'normal' private day school that nobody who didn't live in the neighbourhood had ever heard of.

Birds of a feather flock together.

Ha ha yes this was my experience at university in the late 90s

Literally the first question from some students would be "what school did you go to?"

I remember one braying Sloane in particular, she totally glazed over when I said the name of my random state school in a London borough

From then on I'd just laugh and say oh you wouldn't have heard of it

Again there is a difference between the average private school and the elite independents like Eton etc. One of my friends from school's cousin went to Cheltenham Ladies College and I remember going to a party at her house and all the boys were from Eton/Harrow/Radley (Prince Harry was actually meant to be there but didn't come in the end) and there was a lot of "what school do you go to / where do you Summer?" and my friends and I were all kind of looking at each other like "err..." but that's not all private school children by any stretch.

FFS of course that is a question people ask in Freshers week, most students have only been to school at that point so it’s a perfectly reasonable opener! To still be using it in conversation as an adult is downright odd.

That's exactly what I used to say!

It was most definitely one of the very first questions asked.

She would equally have glazed over when I said the name of my small private school in Somerset. Unless it's another independent school in your direct locale or one of the big schools why would somebody know it. That's not a state vs private thing. It's just making conversation.

I don't really think it is a reasonable opener for uni students who are gathered together from all over the country.

It was pretty obvious to me even at that age that someone from another part of the country wouldn't have heard of my school. Why on earth would they?

It was a question asked primarily
by those who went to elite private schools who perhaps didn't know or didn't care that it was of little interest to anyone else.

We deliberately only had one child so we could afford ( after remortgaging the house), private school. It was money very well spent. We have a confident, articulate, popular son with his own successful business.

Years later another child came into our lives. She was determined not to go to private school. She is confident, articulate, popular and due to get good passes at GCSE. It has been money well saved.

A lot of it comes down to the parents. We value education, we hold teachers in high esteem, we support the school, we read as a family, we talk to each other, we visit places of interest and culture and that is sadly what a lot of children are missing which hampers their success.

My dad went to Cheltenham and his dad to Marlborough. It's not that it was a world unfamiliar to us by any means

Ah. So the buck stopped with you. I can understand you being a bit chippy in that case.

Yeah, that's definitely what it is! You are determined to believe I secretly resent not being sent to private. I don't in the least.

I mean I did want to go to the fictional Chalet School but in the absence of that being a possibility there's no other resentment I have.

Like I say, I'm not the bitter one on here.

LOL!