If you didn’t go to a private school, what do you think about those who did?

[hanginds]

Do you feel they had an unfair advantage? Do you care? Do you think they don’t know about the real world?

I really struggle to connect with colleagues who were privately educated as they seem almost entitled to the job. They seem fearless about finding alternative work if needs be, yet I just don’t have that confidence. I assume it’s their background as it’s the only difference between us in the academic/work context.

You fully anticipate they wouldn’t have cared, but you clearly cared enough to have thought that plan up in the first place, and to have been willing to put the effort in to do that. You would have found it funny, but why exactly? You would have wasted more of your own time than theirs, and wouldn’t have proved anything beyond your own glaring issues.

lol, private schools types are defensive it seems. That’s not a view I had before reading this thread…

Seriously though, why the fear in discussing the pro and cons. Upthread I’ve been told I’ve confused boarding/ private to dismiss me out of hand. I may have a state education, but I’m away of the difference (and also they aren’t mutually exclusive).

I personally have no chip. I’m confident, have excellent grades and went to good universities. I can hold my own at work with anyone, the state system did well for me. Gave me excellent social mobility actually. Why would I care how others did?people on here need to accept that BOTH the state and private systems fail some people- for different reasons. Private education is a magical door to a perfect life. It doesn’t make you a Pratt either. It’s just education. Other factors play into the types that are borish idiots

The fact that you still regret not doing it 30 years later is a bit sad really. Makes me think that maybe you are a bit bitter you didn't go to private school? But then you wouldn't get to make nasty comments about them on a Mumsnet thread so I guess you'd miss out there.

I was 15. Plenty of time to waste. And it certainly wouldn't have cost me anything, but it would cost them a bit in terms of the time their staff spent interviewing and considering two girls who had no intention of going. We had a thoughtfully crafted letter planed for our declining their offer. Might have given someone 2 seconds of thought, you never know.

It was a caper. Thought up by two politically motivated 15 year olds who found the idea hilarious.

I think you are overthinking what 15 year old find amusing to consider it glaring issues.

Nope, delighted with my education. Set me on a path to a gap year and choice of university I never would have done via the independent.

It's not something I think about regularly in the last 30 years. It just comes to mind when choices about schools are discussed. I suspect it may be a good few years since I last thought about that plan. But I'm laughing about it again now.

*My child is at private school. I took her out of state school because she was miserable and bullied there for being quiet, clever and well behaved. At private school those things are admired and she is thriving. The class size is small enough that she is actually learning. The money I’m paying is to buy her increased happiness during her childhood, plain and simple. It isn’t for academic results or contacts. It’s for happiness now.

Most of the parents in our class are there for similar reasons, with about a third of the class having left state school for similar reasons, especially anxiety.

Obviously not all children struggle at state schools, if you are near a wonderful state school or have a child who can cope with the large classes, sarcastic teachers and rough and tumble etc then that’s great, you’ve saved a fortune and I’m very jealous! But I am SO bored of people who don’t use private schools making sweeping statements about the reasons of those who do.*

This totally resonates with me ^

I have a child with a lifelong health condition which a state school struggled to accomodate, and having gone through a very rough comprehensive myself which made me dread school, and made me unhappy my whole childhood, l wanted a nicer environment for my fragile child.

It's worked far better than l could have imagined, she has robust self confidence and self esteem, has come out of her shy shell and has been very effectively supported when she has missed school due to illness. She achieved a solid set of GCSEs and is now at a high achieving but nurturing 6th form and excelling. Her classmates are the nicest, easygoing bunch of teens.

I too am so fed up with the Private school bashing, and feel it is often from those who have no experience of them, but determinedly perpetuate, a non existent them and us rhetoric.

I feel a bit hurt that some people would think I was a snob for going to boarding school! It was to keep me from harm.

The local grammar school got better results though 😆

Plenty of people from state schools achieve a lot.

I mean, I was a 15 year old girl. I can’t say I was plotting detailed one-upmanship on any entity that I had no interest in being involved with anyway, and nor do I think that doing so was particularly common. Thankfully I never felt I had something to prove in that way.

I don't think 'private school types' as you refer to us are overly defensive. There are a good 10 pages here slating us and our educations and many of the critiques being levelled at us are simply untrue. Personally I'm trying to explain why I, from my own experience only, believe that the sacrifices my parents made to send me to private school were worth it and why I'm doing the same for my children. Everyone's experiences and opinions are their own but it's the incorrect assumptions that I'm challenging.

We were slightly unusual 15 year olds in that regard. I don't doubt that. Probably why we are still so close now! And still find each other funny.

'on what are you basing your assertion that privately educated kids don't work in "normal" jobs?'

Experience, because they often don't. Which is fair enough, If I was sending my kid to a £20k, 30k a year school, I probably wouldn't expect them to work in a McJob for peanuts.
I've yet to meet a privately educated candidate like our most recent hire, who worked in a hotel in their home town for 5 years through high school and uni working shifts in the bar, as a cleaner, serving early morning breakfasts, doing night reception sometimes.
When asked if he had thought of hospitality as a career path - it was a resounding no, he'd worked those hours - sometimes 30 hours a week to support himself through education cos he had to - means to and ends. When he did shifts at the hotel he also got 'perks' like snacks and staff meals.

I wouldn't want my kids to have to work close to full-time hours on min wage while trying to study, most people wouldn't. But he had to and therefore as far as I'm concerned a brilliant candidate for our fast-track grad programme. We can teach the technical skills, we can't teach that kind of work ethic, resilience and people experience in a year.
He beat out 3 other candidates with the kind of 'rounded out' experience that only money can buy. But those other 3 will be fine. They'll have plenty of other options.

That’s one experience, and many are similar. However it depends on so many factors.

I years ago sat in an SEN panel. Many many cases on there were parents who were struggled to get needs met after a private school had asked the child to leave in yr 2/5/8. Others were trying to use the process to get support for needs in private schools (never worked, but we’d have to hear it).

If your child is academic with a health condition then they can be great.

If your childs needs are related to a learning difficulty or behaviour then they can be the worst choice.

Its not as clear cut that private=better for children with needs. It depends on the child, the money the parents have if there are further support needs and the culture of the private school. Some of ours locally just don’t allow any needs, even diets like vegan diets! I’m saying this as someone with experience of working with many. I’ve heard your story, I’ve heard the other side too.

Absolutely this re the 'them and us rhetoric' - I don't understand why it has to be like this. It has never been a factor to me whatsoever where my friends went to school. It's just a non issue. Whereas so many people on this thread seem determined to drag down those who went to private school as it it was a personal slight on them.

At least you find each other funny I suppose.

I was that boy. I worked throughout uni, in fact since I was 16. It was absolutely horrible. I actually find it a bit repulsive that you romanticised it. I would never want that for ny kids - virtually no socialising, no clubs or societies, the constant struggle to keep essays up to date. No thanks, it's shit. And it didn't make me somehow magically better at my career than others who didn't have to do it either. It doesn't make you more rounded either.

Think alot of opinions on here are rather unfair and short sighted. It isn't the private education that leads to alot of the issues people are listing, it is home life just as much. My DH and I are not rich but plan to send out DD to private school if we can, she has parents who both attended state school, grandparents who live in social housing, cousins that will be at the local state school, and will very much have our values and manners instilled into her.
I don't think it's unethical, but we do see it as a possible advantage that we would like to give our DD if we can. I don't understand why that bother anyone, if we can afford to do it when the time comes then why would we not do our best for her? For us it is mainly the smaller class sizes we are interested in, our school class sizes were pretty large and I personally know I would have done better at school had I not blended into the walls.

My brother went to private school, I didn't. He was deemed as being brighter than me, and they could only afford to send one so they sent my brother.

He changed, became very stuck up and has never really understood the real world. Even now, aged 40 doesn't get it. I work in the charity sector with lovely families who are vulnerable for various reasons and he can't get his head around why I'd want to do that

I was state educated and went to a uni with a lot of private educated students.

I would say :

i) Yes they definitely have an air about them and are more confident. Also they talk proper.

ii) The private eds IME tended to have something other than academic that they were very good at. Either played sport to a very high level, played a musical instrument to a high degree, some other skill. I think these activities are more encouraged in private school and obviously parents have the ability to fund it.

iii) Don't see any evidence at all that they were able to buy their degrees or were able to perform significantly worse/better than state educated from an academic perspective.

The amount of cheese paring to cover school fees some families resort to does concern me. Potentially 13 years per child of living on a financial knife edge seems horribly stressful.

People who have been to private school that I have worked with seem to have an air of confidence about them. Comes with being raised with money I guess.

How absolutely pathetic. You do realise they would have spoken to your parents before making you an offer? If your dad had lied too, then as a child that wouldn't have been a parent I could have looked up to.

I always just found it really odd. Where I'm from, if you're smart, you go to grammar school, and that's how you end up at a good university.

Never quite understood what the parents of private school kids thought they were paying for, beyond encouraging wealthier social circles for their kids/selves.

Absolutely. That's the main thing!

You do realise that not everyone has the grammar system?

Some of these posts are just horrible to read.

I went to a state comp. Academically I did very well. Lots of extra-curricular activities. I got into the uni of my choice and am now very successful in a career traditionally filled with privately educated people. My background did not hold me back and does not differentiate me from the people I work with. Most are lovely. Some are dicks.

But my experience at school was miserable. I received verbal abuse most days simply for being bright and wanting to work. By the time I left my self-esteem was shot to pieces. I mask it now, but I still find social situations incredibly difficult.

We sent my daughter to the local comp in yr 7 because I strongly believe in the principle of state education - my dad was a teacher at a secondary school. but nothing seems to have changed. Week after week she would come home in tears. She was becoming more withdrawn. She stopped putting herself forward for anything within the school because each time she did she would face a torrent of bullying. She stopped putting her hand up in class. We decided to move her to a local private school. She is thriving, confident, respected, happy.

Academically, she would do well wherever she went to school. But emotionally she was really suffering in her previous school. She was made to feel ashamed of her intelligence and her desire to learn.

I struggle with the concept of private education. I wish the acceptance my daughter now has is available to all children. It really should be. But to suggest that I’m somehow paying for her to get good grades or a better job is laughable. This was purely about the best place for her to thrive.