If you didn’t go to a private school, what do you think about those who did?

[hanginds]

Do you feel they had an unfair advantage? Do you care? Do you think they don’t know about the real world?

I really struggle to connect with colleagues who were privately educated as they seem almost entitled to the job. They seem fearless about finding alternative work if needs be, yet I just don’t have that confidence. I assume it’s their background as it’s the only difference between us in the academic/work context.

I stopped putting my GCSEs on my CV, and don't have A levels. You can probably tell I'm state educated then?

I think this is one of the funniest and most deluded things I have ever read on here. You are describing a teeny tiny group of people and assuming all people who went to private school fall within that group. You must have an exceptionally narrow view of the world. You sound like the sort of person who thinks all progress care school pupils are called Tarquin and Jemima. You are making yourself look very foolish.

Or maybe the big firms are just hiring people who understand basic grammar, regardless of where they were educated?

My privately educated dd worked in Costa during her gap year and has transferred to the one in her uni town. She also plays football.

Fooled you 😁

This. Education isn’t just about getting a good job at the end of it. It’s an experience in itself, and has value in its own right.

I’m not sure why it’s considered surprising that not every private school kid goes onto to a high powered career. Many don’t want to, and many don’t need to. There’s a lot to be said about being confident and comfortable in your own skin, not having anything to prove, and being on the position to choose to do what makes you happy.

I do agree to an extent, but I think most parents DO send their children to private school for good results and a bit of social selection. There are outliers - people with kids who they don’t think will cope with a big class size etc - but the majority I would guess want their children to mix with other aspirational and/or wealthy children and succeed academically and l, in future, be well off.

Based on that, I do privately sometimes wonder if they feel like they got their money’s worth if their kids don’t succeed in a high flying career or marry into wealth.

I have a friend who sends her DD to a school with extortionate fees, and it seems her DD is getting above average but not amazing results, the pastoral care isn’t great, all the teen issues are still there at the school (self harm, MH, drugs, social media nonsense etc) and I can’t help but wonder what the benefit is. Is it a parental sense of safety, that your child isn’t mixing with the hoi poloi and is somehow safer?

WC graduates tend to have a lot less extra curriculars - or at least more usual ones like football team, they've travelled less, or less exotically. They don't have grade 7 piano or at least not alongside a DOE award, and Namibian volunteering

And this made me smile. Dds friend from primary went to state school and has done all these things - as well as grade 8 violin and she also did the Ten Tors challenge. She's literally just returned from Kenya volunteering.

My privately educated dd has done none of them!

You can guess someone's background by their name and accent? What utter rubbish

I have very working class friends with "posh" accents because that's the accent of where they grew up.
My accent isn't posh, and my surname is foreign so I can't see how you'd know.
Also, where I am from, the local leisure group offers sailing lessons every school holiday for absolute peanuts. Plenty of state-educated kids attend.

You are so, so patronising to people you'd consider worthy of a job at your company. Is it outwith the bounds of possibility that someone from a poor background could obtain great work experience - especially if they live in a city?

I wouldn't want my children working for you, privately educated or not.

I went to a state grammar 11-16, and then got a government assisted place (full fee) to an independent sixth form (not a big famous one).

I was in the top band of kids there for A level results, and in terms of the university I went to. Quite a number went to post 92 universities, whereas the kids from the state grammar were more likely to have gone to a traditional university. However the private school kids appear to have done better in their careers.

IMO this is not actually about the respective educations provided, whether results achieved or work ethic. The private school kids came almost exclusively from well-off families. Their families were able to support them through their early careers - subsidising them to get a foot in the door in low paid industries like publishing, doing unpaid work experience for political parties, paying the fees for LPC/BVC, letting them live rent-free and using family property to set up businesses etc. Lots of kids from the grammar school had to get earning PDQ, and those jobs that are easy to get aren't always those with the best career trajectory.

I still have lovely friends I see from both, and each had its share of knobheads as well

'Politcally opposed' - calm down, it's not invading Iraq FFS. Private schools exist, you can use them or not but politically opposed seems a bit extreme. Would you refuse to use private healthcare if the NHS waiting list was too long?

If I’d had a daughter I’d be a bit disappointed if she had no more aspiration than to be a SAHM, whether I’d paid for her education or not. That is not to say I’d be disappointed if she wasn’t a doctor or lawyer or something. I’d just want her to have the satisfaction of earning her own money and not being dependent on someone else.

@Kefir well said! That poster has such a low opinion of what state-educated or "poorer" children can achieve.

Ahh well, I may not be a high earner myself but I did marry one so therefore my parents must secretly be pleased with their return on investment. Because apparently it's also now the 1950s. Jesus wept.

Of course there will still be issues, private school is an advantage not a magic wand. Even if it makes your children even 5% more likely to be happy/fulfil their dreams/earn lots of money/whatever you expect from them after having shelled out for those fees, isn't it worth it?!?

You can be politically opposed to anything. I'm same as the PP, my parents could have afforded it but we're politically opposed. As was I. Nearly 30 years ago my best friend and I had the opportunity to apply to the local independent for 6th form as our comp didn't have one at the time. Out plan was to apply, be interviewed, get an offer (which we probably would have done) then decline the place gleefully pointing how pleased we were to have wasted their time, and a little bit of their money. We couldn't be bothered in the end. Still regret not doing that. My dad was in total support!

My child is at private school. I took her out of state school because she was miserable and bullied there for being quiet, clever and well behaved. At private school those things are admired and she is thriving. The class size is small enough that she is actually learning. The money I’m paying is to buy her increased happiness during her childhood, plain and simple. It isn’t for academic results or contacts. It’s for happiness now.

Most of the parents in our class are there for similar reasons, with about a third of the class having left state school for similar reasons, especially anxiety.

Obviously not all children struggle at state schools, if you are near a wonderful state school or have a child who can cope with the large classes, sarcastic teachers and rough and tumble etc then that’s great, you’ve saved a fortune and I’m very jealous! But I am SO bored of people who don’t use private schools making sweeping statements about the reasons of those who do.

I think I wish I’d had their opportunities and that I missed out

Hi there, thanks for the reply, really interesting approach. Where I work, we have EDI stuff going on, it's all about helping people from disadvantaged backgrounds to get qualifications. However, it's a global approach, so when it's all finished the likelihood is that people from European/Western countries won't qualify for support, and it is very difficult to background check people for class when people will lie to get free qualifications. So this creative approach to class sifting is something I've not heard of but I might mention it in our next EDI meeting as an example of what people do in other places. Part of me wonders about the ethics of it, and whether it disadvantages people who are outliers.

This is such a British obsession. I have never, ever asked my friends which school they went to. Sure, it might have come up in conversation at times, but it isn’t something I ever thought to ask. Nor my colleagues.

There are some truly horrible judgements and generalisations on here.

I'm state-comp educated, as are my kids. I don't approve of public schools in principle and would like to see, for example, their tax breaks reduced. But the suggestions that everyone who goes to private school is posh, lazy, entitled, unemployable etc etc are just ridiculous.

I have friends who went to state schools and private schools, and there's no immediately obvious difference between them. DH was privately educated; he works in the public sector and has a strong sense of civic duty. He's not the only person like that I know. I do know people with that air of 'public school confidence' and most, but not all of them, went to private schools. Actually, I think my 16-year-old might be one of them (and her school is crap!).

@StarmanBobby on what are you basing your assertion that privately educated kids don't work in "normal" jobs?
I worked in a cinema, at the County Council, as a silver service waitress, as a barmaid and as a cleaner. This was by no means unusual amongst my peers. Our parents wanted us to know the value of money and not think we were better than anyone else.
I really can't believe that you actually believe all the nonsense you've spouted.

Absolutely this. My eldest daughter starts school next year. She's a sweet and timid little thing but fascinated by the word around her and loves books and learning already. Our local state primary has large class sizes of 30+ and isn't highly rated. She'd be lost in a class that size and would be overwhelmed by the noisier, more boisterous kids and as she gets older probably mocked for wanting to learn. I'm lucky enough to be able to afford to send her to a nearby prep school with class sizes of 16 where I know she'll flourish. If the state primary were my only option I'd suck it up and do all I could to encourage her outside of school but if I can afford the latter I'll do it without a second's hesitation and I don't understand why people would want to make me feel guilty for it. It says more about them than me.

*world around her!

Whether or not I “like” someone, or what I think of them, has absolutely nothing to do with which school they went to. I take people as I find them. I’ve come across lovely state and privately educated people, as well as some truly awful state and privately educated people.

This thread shows that there are some very unpleasant state educated people (those who say they wouldn’t be friends with and wouldn’t recruit privately educated people). Interestingly, I’ve come across far more people from state school who look down their noses at privately educated people than I have the other way round. Of course some privately educated people are arrogant but, as a generalisation, I don’t tend to find that privately educated people are quite as nasty about state educated people.

With colleagues, schooling doesn’t tend to come up in conversation so I would have no idea where they went to school.

I don’t understand the obsession with where people are educated - surely everyone should be treated on their own merits? Privately educated people shouldn’t be given priority for jobs etc, no more than state educated people should.

I speak as a state educated person who has decided to send my children through the independent sector. I’ve seen both sides and have decided that my children will get the best opportunities by doing so (they are exposed to far more opportunities and encouraged to explore much more than my state school did). Do I judge people who send their children to state school and spend their money on other things? Absolutely not. Most parents do what they think is best for their child. It’s a shame when people judge others for their decisions.

For those who claim that they wouldn’t send their children to private school because it gives them an unfair advantage, but then say they’ll give their children house deposits, how is that not giving them an advantage over others? If you truly believe that everyone should be equal, send them to state school and give them no financial help as young adults. That would make them equal with those who have been born to families who don’t have the means to help them financially.

I'm sure the school would have been gutted at your declining of their offers with that kind of attitude. What a sad and bitter outlook.

Oh I'm sure they won't have cared a jot. But it would have given us a laugh. Quite the opposite of bitter.