Very rich parents

[jennybrightcandle]

I honestly don’t know if I’m being unreasonable here or not. I may be a terrible person and am willing to be told so if that is the case.

When I was growing up, my parents had a fairly average income. I had a fairly “normal” upbringing: 3 bed semi, camping holidays, state schools etc. However, over time, my parents have become very rich. Partly luck of course, but also a lot of very hard work.

They are now in a position where they can go on multiple holidays a year (they’ve just booked two cruises for this summer, for example). They own two properties outright (one they live in, one they rent out). They are fairly open about their finances and so I know that as well as claiming a final salary pension, my dad is also still bringing in around 100k a year in investments and consultancy work. They have told me that they have full holdings in premium bonds etc etc.

We are fairly typical of our generation in that we both work full time in order to pay our mortgage. Neither of us particularly enjoy our jobs but we can’t career change or reduce hours as we need the money. We haven’t been on holiday overseas since 2015. We are doing fine and not on the breadline, but things are tight. We don’t currently have any savings although hopefully that will change soon as our youngest will be starting school (previously we were paying around 18k a year on childcare!!)

This is where it gets a bit embarrassing but am I being totally unreasonable to think our parents could maybe…help us out a bit?! I mean, I look at some of my peers who have had significant parental help towards buying a house or free childcare etc. And I just find it a bit odd that they haven’t thought to do the same.

I know I shouldn’t expect it and that they have no obligation whatsoever to provide anything now that I’ve left home but I just find it kind of hurtful. They have so much money and we live fairly hand to mouth each month. I honestly can’t imagine being like this with my own children and plan to help them out as much as I can.

So…am I being horribly unreasonable, materialistic and grasping 😬?

Not when we bought the house. To be fair though they did pay for my wedding dress and my bridesmaids dresses.

It’s a tricky one this. I absolutely believe that handouts from wealthy/better off parents do not do anyone any favours…I’ve seen it a lot of times and it usually ends up with the recipient not recognising their privilege. Expectation isn’t attractive.

Making your own way is really important and I know that where you come from can make it harder. My upbringing was loving and supportive but we had very little money when we were kids. I always expected to pay my own way.

However, my parents have since been very generous to us when they became
more comfortable in their older years and I can’t see a time when we wouldn’t be the same with our children however I would expect them to be cautious and considered with the money I’d been careful to save.

For example, when gifted money, we’ve put it towards paying down our mortgage which is what I think they’d hoped we do. It was a no strings gift but I felt it should be spent responsibly.

At the end of the day though, it’s their money and they spend it/share it as they see fit.

YABU how.

It's funny to me how we think it's acceptable for two people to decide to have kids cause they selfishly want to, but then decide to make them pay rent or just not care if they're comfortable as adults?

You've chosen to bring something into the world, surely it's your responsibility? Many people really shouldn't have kids though, especially looking at the mindsets people have in the UK about 18 year olds paying rent

I can’t imagine having that much of an income and not using it to make my child’s life easier. My parents have a lot less and gifted me my house deposit. I think it is selfish and thoughtless of them.

I agree, I doubt they feel ‘very rich’. That’s the issue.

I gave my parents £15k, we can easily afford it, but I must admit I felt a bit weird about parting with money ‘just in case’ something happened. Also, I just felt plain old fashioned tight!

This is so true.

Wealthy people in that generation are so out of touch. Bought a house for close to nothing and lecture young people on how these days young people this or that.

There's literally no incentive to work for most people based on how crap things are, and I think deciding to have kids but then not caring about the quality of life they have in adulthood is selfish and stupid.

Wealthy people in that generation are so out of touch. Bought a house for close to nothing and lecture young people on how these days young people this or that

Who actually does this?

what do you mean by comfortable though? Parenting responsibility should end at giving the tools for a person to make their own way.

I totally agree, My parents would never charge me rent. I have my own fmaily now and live in a different country, but I still consider thier home mine too, have a room their full of my childhood stuff / meory. If everything goes to hell in my life I know I still have a place to go back to.

I dont agree with this once over 18 not my responsibility thinking, to me once they are born, I will always care for them no matter how old and how far they are, just like my parents have done for me.

My relatives, it works me up as you can probably tell haha

I see. Generalisations of that kind work me up too.

But the tools required in the present world are much more than most people are given.

Considering obscene house prices but no wage growth, a house deposit should be a tool.

You've decided to bring people into the world, if the world becomes much harder to navigate than it was for you, you need to step up and take responsibility.

I mean it's true.

Look at many news articles written by wealthy boomers, things they say in interviews, they're voting history (as a demographic).

You'd have to be ignoring the truth on purpose to not be able to see it.

But this means you think your parents should pass down privilege. Not everyone is born to parents who could do this? Why do you think that your parents hard work should give you an easy pass?

Hard work doesn't equal financial stability or wealth, if it did nurses would be rolling in money and clowns like Elon Musk would be in a very different position.

A 30 year old now can work as hard as their parent, but will face a proportionally much higher cost of living and worse odds of getting on the property ladder, since wages have been mostly stagnant. These are facts, not really sure why some people go out of their way to ignore them.

Why do you think that your selfish want to have kids and a family should result in someone having to live the rest of their life in a financially difficult position, since the world you've brought them into is much harsher for them economically than it was for you?

I think yabu. You had a good childhood and they brought you up, gave you an education that allowed you to support yourself and your family as an adult... I think it's abit much to now expect money from them to make your life easier.

I would absolutely love to be able to help my children out in future, but it's the expectation on their end that's really unattractive.

So you post making a general point, then say it's your family then say it's rue generally. Make your mind up.

Where's your evidence for this truth?

Purely anecdotal, but all the people of that particular demographic that I know, bar one, all vote Labour, all Remainers and all help their children.

By giving me an education, do you mean they sent me to school? Because I’m pretty sure that’s something they had to do by law, rather than a choice they made.

Not saying I didn’t have a good childhood though because it was happy!

I'm really sorry but you are getting this wrong.

Your parents bring you on this earth and give you the tools to make your own way.

Handing out cash to ungrateful offspring encourages idleness. You have the same abilities in life to succeed as everyone else of your own generation who shares the same issues with mortgage costs and costs of living.

Make your own way. Stop blaming your parents. Let them enjoy the fruit of their labour. You never know when you are a bit less entitled they may even give you something.

Why do you think that your selfish want to have kids and a family should result in someone having to live the rest of their life in a financially difficult position, since the world you've brought them into is much harsher for them economically than it was for you?

Are you saying you wish you weren't born?

I find the entitlement in this really shocking. You have responsibility for your own life. Leave your parents alone.

Well it's both? You asked who, I thought you meant who specifically and that was an immediate example. You then said it's a generalisation so I clarified that it tends to ring pretty true.

Gov data is accessible and available, about the demographics making up specific votes.

Maybe my news feed algorithm knows how to wind me up but I don't go a month without seeing yet another wealthy boomer talking about things they have zero clue about and acting like financial experts when really they were given the easies path to financial stability possible

I actually support my parents financially.

And guess what, that's fine, because I understand that that's life, it's my family, and it is what it is.

So maybe I just can't imagine being such a selfish twat since I've been supporting my parents financially since turning 18 and didn't go to uni so that I could work and help out.

So like I said, the fact that some parents are so entitled and selfish just makes me wonder

They have earned their money.

Earn your own damned money!

They can spend theirs however they like and it has nothing to do with you. Entitled brat.

As said to another PP I support my parents financially.

"You have the same abilities to succeed" - that's just about the dumbest thing I've heard lately. No, in the real world not everyone has the same chances. Your gender, race, nationality, all impact your ability to succeed.

I never once thought twice about supporting my parents financially. And that's a situation I couldn't have changed.

If I actively chose to have kids, and then decided my wealth is just for me, I'd.feel like an awful person. If you're having kids with such a selfish attitude, just don't, everyone will be better off