Very rich parents

[jennybrightcandle]

I honestly don’t know if I’m being unreasonable here or not. I may be a terrible person and am willing to be told so if that is the case.

When I was growing up, my parents had a fairly average income. I had a fairly “normal” upbringing: 3 bed semi, camping holidays, state schools etc. However, over time, my parents have become very rich. Partly luck of course, but also a lot of very hard work.

They are now in a position where they can go on multiple holidays a year (they’ve just booked two cruises for this summer, for example). They own two properties outright (one they live in, one they rent out). They are fairly open about their finances and so I know that as well as claiming a final salary pension, my dad is also still bringing in around 100k a year in investments and consultancy work. They have told me that they have full holdings in premium bonds etc etc.

We are fairly typical of our generation in that we both work full time in order to pay our mortgage. Neither of us particularly enjoy our jobs but we can’t career change or reduce hours as we need the money. We haven’t been on holiday overseas since 2015. We are doing fine and not on the breadline, but things are tight. We don’t currently have any savings although hopefully that will change soon as our youngest will be starting school (previously we were paying around 18k a year on childcare!!)

This is where it gets a bit embarrassing but am I being totally unreasonable to think our parents could maybe…help us out a bit?! I mean, I look at some of my peers who have had significant parental help towards buying a house or free childcare etc. And I just find it a bit odd that they haven’t thought to do the same.

I know I shouldn’t expect it and that they have no obligation whatsoever to provide anything now that I’ve left home but I just find it kind of hurtful. They have so much money and we live fairly hand to mouth each month. I honestly can’t imagine being like this with my own children and plan to help them out as much as I can.

So…am I being horribly unreasonable, materialistic and grasping 😬?

Indeed. As the old saying goes, inheritance tax is only paid by people who distrust their children more than they hate the taxman.

One wonders how many of these people have actually seen a financial planner, despite having such significant levels of assets? Because any financial adviser would tell them hoarding money into old age is an extremely bad plan and better to start passing it down asap. Of course then their children would be able to pay on their behalf if more did end up being needed for care homes etc. So per the saying above, maybe it is about people mot trusting their children that if they pass money on at the lifestage where it will be needed, that the children will also look after them, too, if they need it later on. Although in many of the cases described there'd be plenty for care costs, private healthcare, multiple holidays per year AND still giving significant amounts to DCs.

It is perhaps a control issue. Mad though to ignore financial advice stating the obvious: that taking this approach will inevitably mean impoverishing future generations of your family when you could have made them much better off, and giving away 5 or 6 figures sums to HMRC instead. I think you'd have to care about your family very little to choose that path when it's completely avoidable.

Exactly!
Op will shortly have an extra 18K per year to fund her own holidays and savings.

'It is the resentment towards the older generation without consideration that many of that generation found things difficult or would have had periods of sacrifice.'

But that's the issue. My parents generation sacrificed and that lead to savings to buy something. The sheer cost of living is a sacrifice now with no gain at the end of it.

So why should your parents pay twice.

Cost of living rises impact on everyone. Them too.

But my parents didn’t give me a house deposit or set up trust funds for me? They didn’t (and don’t) “happily support me” in the way you claim to support your own DC?

I don’t know if it’s the idea of holidays specifically you take issue with. But if it helps then FWIW, the biggest impact for us would be if one of us could go part time (like my mum did, alongside not working at all for about ten years) rather than working long hours in stressful jobs in order to pay the mortgage and keep on top of the energy bills.

Because cost of living impacts people with big mortgages working long hours in stressful jobs with fairly average incomes and no pay rises, a lot more than it impacts people who own property outright, have index linked pensions and bring home at least 4 x as much income every year?

I don’t know if it’s the idea of holidays specifically you take issue with. But if it helps then FWIW, the biggest impact for us would be if one of us could go part time (like my mum did, alongside not working at all for about ten years) rather than working long hours in stressful jobs in order to pay the mortgage and keep on top of the energy bills.

But why should your parent be responsible to fund you so you can work part time?

Could you perhaps have taken on a smaller mortgage to fund a part time working arrangement or cut your costs in other ways rather than expect your parents to bail you out?

When your children end childcare you will have an extra £18k in your pocket. That should fund your holidays and make things less tight for you.

Quite honestly I think you're being very entitled and very resentful of your parents. It is not their fault that the COL has increased.

You have said yourself you had camping holidays when you grew up. Why do you think they should fund holidays abroad for you and your kids rather than enjoy the fact that they now have a bit more money?

My parents didn't give me a foot in the door, we've had to work for everything we have, I would never dream of resenting my mother now (as my father is dead) for enjoying her retirement. It's so grabby.

I think not going on foreign holidays when you have toddlers is pretty normal. I know when my DC were young most families either did nothing or had a week in cottage, camping or caravan in the Uk

, I would never dream of resenting my mother now (as my father is dead) for enjoying her retirement. It's so grabby.

Really? Is that what OP is saying? Really?

Resents them for enjoying their retirement?

No. Don't think she is.

'I think not going on foreign holidays when you have toddlers is pretty normal. I know when my DC were young most families either did nothing or had a week in cottage, camping or caravan in the Uk.'

Even UK holidays especially in a cottage are very expensive and unaffordable to alot of people. It was easier to save back then.

Even UK holidays especially in a cottage are very expensive and unaffordable to alot of people. It was easier to save back then

Thats why I said some families did nothing, it really wasn’t easy to save when interest rates were 15% and a family were in 30% negative equity.

She resents them for the fact they don't give her the money to work part time and have foreign holidays.

She's mentioned the fact that they sometimes have 3 cruises a year as justification for the fact that they are being unreasonable.

It's hardly as if they are not helping her when she's struggling to feed herself or her children. I would call that entitlement. They don't have to give her anything.

@LooksLikeASugarInAPlum my parents lived a better lifestyle than my family can with both parents working. It is tougher now.

Not sure why earning six figures is mythical? Not exactly unusual is it?

I’m so confused. Why are you helping your children with house deposits? Can’t they just buy something smaller?

I’m genuinely not following why you think it’s something your children need but I don’t?

Surely it depends on your definition of “rich”. I would describe these people as financially comfortable, but by no means rich. Rich to me would be so much money that you would never realistically run out. We all view things differently according to our parameters.

I’m so confused. Why are you helping your children with house deposits? Can’t they just buy something smaller?

It is my choice. My children are CHILDREN they are not 35 year olds demanding money and moaning about their parents enjoying retirement. You are closer to my age than you are to the age of my children. I didn't get support.

You are 35 years old and expect your parents to fund foreign holidays.

Fucking ridiculous.

Subbing you so you can work part time is quite a shocking thing to expect imo, much more than a one off holiday each year.
How much would that cost and for how long?
What about your sibling, how much would it be to give you both the amount you would be happy with?

Not sure why earning six figures is mythical? Not exactly unusual is it?

Ah you again . The 'hate to break it to you but they're not rich' investor or in this thread.

Do bore off. You're sort of missing the point.

I don't think it's that usual is it? I think only 2% of the population earns over 200K a year.

Argh. I’m not expecting them to sub us so we can work part time. I didn’t say that. It is not what I mean at all.

I feel hurt that they don’t share any of their wealth with us in any way. Especially as I know I would like to help my children out if I can when I’m older. And because I know that lots of parents do help their children out if they can. That’s all it really comes down to.

Your children won’t be children when you fund their house deposits 😂

We all view things differently according to our parameters.

Like Duh.

So why chime in with " they're not rich"?
Unless to show your superiority. ( ie Much higher parameters than most people )

You're coming across really badly.

Your children won’t be children when you fund their house deposits 😂

I was thinking that. 😁

So what are you doing for your children OP?

When you have that extra £18k on child care cost in your pocket will you continue with uk holidays to put money aside for their futures or will you chose to go on those foreign holidays you think you are entitled to?

We all make choices.

Your parents made theirs.

You are a grown adult who needs to stop sulking and get on with it. It's pathetic to be moaning that your parents don't pay for expensive holidays for you. Truly it is.