I made my kids pay for the food they took

[piqueen]

Did I go too far?
I took their Christmas money to replace the sweets and treats they took. We do a big shop once a month and I buy all the chocolates/ crisps and other cupboard bits for the month. These are for lunchboxes for the kids, dh and for picnics on the weekend (or pack lunches for days out) , also biscuits and breakfast bars. You know, the good stuff?
I did the shop on the 1st and by the 3rd I thought, the cupboard looked a bit empty on the 3rd (so 2 days) and by the 6th I definitely knew something was up.
The boxes of cereal bars were empty (but still stacked so first glance there is non missing), all the chocolate had gone, the biscuits had been opened and eaten.

me and dh did a big clear out of their room and moved the furniture around. We found all the evidence, evidence which included loads of fridge snacks too. Frubes, cheesestring, baby bell which the wax has got stuck in the carpet.
I was so pissed off i took the kids Xmas money and have been using it to replace the items for DHs lunch only. The kids are having no treats in their lunch and I'm only buying fruit.

The reason we do a big shop is because I don't drive so I get a taxi once a month to keep costs down. (it's cheaper to shop at aldi and pay £10 once a month than shop in sainsburies every week, so I bulk buy aldi and top up at the more expensive shop) The kids have obviously been doing this for some time as there was so much rubbish behind and under the wardrobe.

It's been 2 weeks since I took their money but I feel so guilty. They only get a little bit (it was £40 between them) and they are only 9 and 10 but, also they stole a month's worth of treats for everyone (dh works in a physical job so he gets easy bars he can stick I his pocket, sometimes he is doing a 12 hour shift, very labour intensive and no chance to nip to mcdonalds)

I'm going back and forth between
'actions have consequences' and
'kids will be kids'

I don't even know if the lesson has sunk in because they have been eating loads of fruit instead now which is better but obviously costs more than chocolate bars and the price if everything is going up I'm wondering if I'm being too harsh

Yabu - give the money back
Yanbu - they should pay for the food they took

My kids always asked if they wanted biscuits or crisps, they would never have helped themselves…maybe you need to do this ?

Children are not greedy or selfish. They fulfill their own needs if you don't do it for them.

I’m on the fence. Depends why they took the food to their rooms. One of my DDs is an emotional eater, same as me. When I found food under her pillow it was because she was too stressed to eat meals - and of course with eating because of stress vegetable’s don’t work.

So, is it simple greed, stress, too strict restrictions for the food?

As pp said, stop buying the snacks and give them simple lunches/meals. Also talk to them about it.

There are always different ways at looking at things. Extremes don't help. Personally I'd just get rid of the junk for more healthy filling treats.

My child stole treats a few times. Not food, sweets and chocolate. Treats. Not hungry, just naughty. I put them on a treat ban for a month.

seems more appropriate to just only give them fruit rather than take their money.

I think YANBU OP. Your kids have acted selfishly and taken food that wasn't theirs.

I'm not going to nitpick about the amount of money, only you know what it cost and what it didn't, I think in principle they get punished for taking food without asking, and have to pay for the food that wasn't intended for them that they ate.

Going forwards I'd agree with other posters. Separate out what is yours and your husbands and what is intended for them. give them access to theirs whenever they want, but when its gone, its gone. they will soon learn to at least try and make it last.

If you catch them taking yours or your husbands share in future i'd treat it extremely seriously as it demonstrates complete and utter selfishness.

How's a babybel a treat? Not exactly a chocolate eclair!

Even if there isn't a bigger issue at play, it is unusual to take so much food and hide the fact that you have had certain food from your parents at 9 and 10.

I don't think children do have an automatic right to food. They should be given the opportunity to access sufficient nutritious food but not a free for all. I agree a bowl of Cheerios isn't a treat for me, or a Babybel...its a lazy (and expensive) convenience food. I don't think a parent should need to change their shopping habits to accommodate untrustworthy children. The reason they didn't ask is because they knew they wouldn't get 5 packs of crisps. They'd have been offered maybe 1 and a sandwich.

Erm, actually they can be both of those things, just like adults can be. They don't need sweets / chocolate/ sweet stuff. It's not a life necessity. It's literally a treat. It's our job as adults to teach them not to steal, to eat moderately and healthily, and not to lie.

YANBU to punish them but YABVU to do it by taking their Christmas money. That belongs to them and taking it is theft.

Wanna punish them? Give them chores, ban screens, put them on a sugar free diet for 3 months, even stop paying for a hobby they like. But don’t steal their money - that is a very bad example to set.

(And yabu to have a lot of junk food in the house in an accessible place and expect the kids to never take any. They’re kids, they’re still learning self-control.)

@piqueen for me YANBU at all. I would've done the same.

In my house DC have to ask before taking a treat and a treat is just that, a treat. I'd be irritated at them taking it, selfishly, and that they'd eaten so much crap.

I agree with the poster who said they're being punished twice (not having the snacks they like + paying to replace the ones they are). You do have my sympathy though. I've been responsible for lunch boxes in our house and it was very annoying when lunch box food was taken. Finding out at 7am that they've not got enough stuff in their lunch boxes is not fun. There was always other food they could help themselves to at all times.

Adult to child: “You must not steal!”
Same adult: <steals children’s Christmas money>

😐

It’s like those parents you see in the street smacking their children around while shouting “You must not hit.”

I’ve Got a bottomless pit of a 12 year old lad. If left to his own devices he would demolish a family pack of crisps, or a full pack of biscuits, etc.
he’s never “starving”, but given the choice he will always opt for empty calorie shite snacks instead of a sandwich, toastie, cereal etc. because junk food is tasty and a treat.
should I just let him have free reign on the cupboards? The treats would be gone within 24 hours meaning me and his dad, his brother and sister would never eat any treats. Of course not, because knowingly letting your kids plough through 10000 calories of fat and sugar is SHITTY PARENTING.
op people have been horrible to you in this thread. Honestly one of the most bonkers batshit insane threads I’ve read on MN in a while and that’s saying something.
Ignore everyone suggesting you’re cruel and/or starving your kids-they’re fucking insane. And probably crap parents themselves.

Actually this thread has just reminded me that following Christmas we still had a bowl of sweets that were randomly dipped into by family dropping in and topped up from a dwindling store. One of my grandsons aged five ate half a bowl full by himself - he wasn't counting and was just unwrapping and shovelling in!! He was bouncing off the walls by the time Dad came to collect him!! They don't associate a pile of wrappers with pile of sweets as the rubbish pile is obviously a lot smaller - definitely hollow leg syndrome!!

I think people are being harsh to say that kids are not getting fed enough / are going hungry and that's why they are raising the cupboard for snacks.

It's not like they are sneaking pasta and veg.

Kids have very poor control and love snacks, then often don't eat their meals. Surely every parent knows this.

Clear rules around what is fair game and what is off limits is better.

Also agree that taking their money and then having no snacks might be harsh but I get where you're coming from OP. They will remember this and think twice before gorging in future.

And yabu to have a lot of junk food in the house in an accessible place and expect the kids to never take any. They’re kids, they’re still learning self-control

the complete and utter inability of some posters to understand how other people organise their lives, or to accept that we all do things in different ways, never ceases to amaze me.

I used to live 20 miles from the nearest shop, and 25 miles from the nearest supermarket. As a consequence we also did bulk shopping of everything. Once a month without fail. There was a market in a village 10 miles away and we'd go there on the middle weekend to stock up on the fresh stuff. And that was it. If you fancied a Mars bar for your lunchbox but someone had scarfed them all - then you went without.

That is how some people organise their shopping. Most of us give our kids a little treat in their lunchbox. If you want to do that, and you only shop once a month - OF COURSE THERE WILL BE A TIME THAT THERE IS A LOT OF IT AROUND.

I would have no problem in there being zero treats for the DCs for the next two months, just to drive the point home.

But the DH also misses out. If I'd done something like that I'd be getting the "well that's disappointing, i didn't realise I'd raised selfish children" speech and a reminder that we all have to share. And I'd have been devastated.

It's a bit useless for them to sneak food they'd have to cook ffs

No right to food? Wow.

We don't know that they'd been offered a sandwich as far as I can see, how do you conclude that? I can't see that they necesarily have "oportunity to access" sufficient nutritious food. They aren't taking only sweets and treats, they are taking things that they are manageable for kids their age, cheese, yogurts, cereal. unless there is a weight or appetite concern they to me would signal hunger. This is also what my kids would take if no parent around to help them. I bet if OP had found they had been "stealing" ham or bread she would have been cross too.

My kids do this too - it's very annoying.

OP, I just think that taking money away from them isn't going to work! It's a crap punishment really.

For myself, I just limit the amount of snacks we have in the house, because they can't be trusted, and for the snacks we have, I take the "once it's gone, its gone approach" . I also buy some snacks for some children that no one else can touch - so my dd has a breakfast bar each day (she's 18 before anyone starts on at me) and they all know not to touch her breakfast bars. They all know not to eat my other dd's lunch stuff. But biscuits, nutella, crunchy nut cornflakes - they're fair game! (the weetabix does not get stolen and they have unlimited access to that, bread and fruit if they need a snack).

Kids are greedy and they will take chocolate, crisps, biscuits etc.
You don't see them stealing carrots and celery.

Christ some of these responses. Keeping food in a locked box away from a growing adolescent child. Smh.

I think you know full well the poster didn't mean 'no right to food', they meant 'no automatic right to choose any food they want based on whim'. 🙄

Jesus have you been to Iceland recently?
So expensive and much more than Aldi .
I wouldn't have punished them but made future changes but im also a believer of never going back on the punishment either. So let it lie and maybes change the rules of snacking. I don't buy chocolate or biscuits in a big shop because mine will eat them in a few days too. I buy them sporadically.

I wouldn't take their money. You're also punishing them twice if you've taken their money and you're not replacing the food.

I would rethink the food they're allowed freely at home. Have a range of foods that they can eat (unless it's right before dinner, say) such as fruits, veg, brown bread, cheese (the normal stuff not UPF like cheese strings etc- cheaper too). Treats- I'd work out what you are happy for them to have each week and give them that, clearly labelled (eg a box each)- when it's done it's gone. Put your husband's snacks somewhere else.

If they are still eating a lot (fruit) consider whether they really need something more substantial after school eg eggs and toast along with some fruit or veg.