I made my kids pay for the food they took

[piqueen]

Did I go too far?
I took their Christmas money to replace the sweets and treats they took. We do a big shop once a month and I buy all the chocolates/ crisps and other cupboard bits for the month. These are for lunchboxes for the kids, dh and for picnics on the weekend (or pack lunches for days out) , also biscuits and breakfast bars. You know, the good stuff?
I did the shop on the 1st and by the 3rd I thought, the cupboard looked a bit empty on the 3rd (so 2 days) and by the 6th I definitely knew something was up.
The boxes of cereal bars were empty (but still stacked so first glance there is non missing), all the chocolate had gone, the biscuits had been opened and eaten.

me and dh did a big clear out of their room and moved the furniture around. We found all the evidence, evidence which included loads of fridge snacks too. Frubes, cheesestring, baby bell which the wax has got stuck in the carpet.
I was so pissed off i took the kids Xmas money and have been using it to replace the items for DHs lunch only. The kids are having no treats in their lunch and I'm only buying fruit.

The reason we do a big shop is because I don't drive so I get a taxi once a month to keep costs down. (it's cheaper to shop at aldi and pay £10 once a month than shop in sainsburies every week, so I bulk buy aldi and top up at the more expensive shop) The kids have obviously been doing this for some time as there was so much rubbish behind and under the wardrobe.

It's been 2 weeks since I took their money but I feel so guilty. They only get a little bit (it was £40 between them) and they are only 9 and 10 but, also they stole a month's worth of treats for everyone (dh works in a physical job so he gets easy bars he can stick I his pocket, sometimes he is doing a 12 hour shift, very labour intensive and no chance to nip to mcdonalds)

I'm going back and forth between
'actions have consequences' and
'kids will be kids'

I don't even know if the lesson has sunk in because they have been eating loads of fruit instead now which is better but obviously costs more than chocolate bars and the price if everything is going up I'm wondering if I'm being too harsh

Yabu - give the money back
Yanbu - they should pay for the food they took

I agree that kids shouldn’t have free reign to eat what they want at all times, but it’s a bit harsh to say that they can’t but their ddad can because he has a physical job that’s “very labour intensive and no chance to nip to mcdonalds”. As if pocket snacks and drive thru’s are the only choices here.

It seems the kids are getting very mixed messages about what constitutes an appropriate diet which is unfair, particularly when you’re then expecting them to know that some foods are off limits. I also categorically do not believe in punishing children for eating under any circumstances. I’d stop buying the rubbish completely and keep it as a treat for a day out. I’m sure dh can manage to sort himself out.

OP,
I battle with the snack demon quite a lot.
One thing I have found is I need a lot less snacks than I think I do.
Over the years, I have got used to buying a lot of snacks to the point I feel guilty when we sometimes run out.
Because of recent health issues, I am trying to buy less. I find its actually quite hard.
I buy online, add a lot of stuff and then have started to force myself to remove items from the basket.
I budget for a pack of cereal bar for each DC (pack of 5), one sweet treat (angel slices or Mr kipling type) and some after school bready type thing like hot cross buns.
I used to buy way more before.
Appreciate its easier for me as I shop weekly.
I would eat it all myself if I had a month's worth of snacks (forget the kids)

What a complete overreaction.

Have you never met anyone who'd eat snacky junk even when they weren't hungry just because it's there?

Both DSC and DC would eat chocolate until they were sick every day in an ideal world for them. But we wouldn't let them cos that would be fucking terrible parenting. If they are hungry they can have some fruit or toast or something specifically put aside for that purpose, not everybody else's lunch for the rest of the month.

This is one of the most concerning threads I’ve read on MN

Kids needing to moderate eating junk food is one of the most disturbing threads you've ever read?

Lol.

namechange3394

Yes mine would have stuffed themselves with chocolate and junk until they were sick too. Not hungry. They just like it. It's only now they are older they have started to moderate themselves. Before, I had to do it for them.

I'm not sure the should be being fed all that junk anyway. That's a huge amount of processed junk foods in their diet. Maybe just not but it any more?

I might cut out things like cheesestrings Frubes and baby bel and replace with chunks of cheese and ordinary yogurts but I definitely wouldn't take their money!
Perhaps they're going through growth spurts( common at their ages) and actually need more food
Increase portions at breakfast and evening meal

Cheese is junk food now? Ok. I know mumsnet is weird about food, but that’s a step further again

I believe in actions and consequences but I think here, they’ve been punished twice. They have no ‘sweet snack’ for the month which I feel is good enough to show them that since they’ve eaten it all in one go, it’s not being replaced. They would have eaten it all this month anyway so they eat anything else you have at home till the day of the next shopping since they’ve finished that one. Taking their money is another punishment which I feel is not necessary.

I do the same as this if you steal you have to replace!
It teaches consequence!
And responsibility for actions
Don't feel guilty if they steal when they are adults they will get worse consequences then having to pay it back IE being prison !
So think of it as your saving them from prison when older !
If you don't teach them now they will think it's ok to do and as get older may steal other things which would land them in prison good luck

It’s also not “normal” behaviour to be taking food, hiding evidence, and then having your room turned upside down to find the wrappers etc, and then be charged for it. All whilst seeing that McDonald’s and whatever other junk food or snacks is fine for your dad to have, but not you.

You’ve clearly created a relationship with food and “supplies” that isn’t healthy, or normal, and isn’t working very well. So it’s for the adult to change, leading by example, not blanket punishments

It isn't food, its junk that should be limited.

@Itsbytheby Re-read. No AUTOMATIC right to food. You are correct, I can't see they have opportunity to access food....or that they don't. On the balance of probability I'd say if they had asked for a snack as they were genuinely hungry, they would have been offered something.
You state unless there is a weight or appetite concern I'd assume hunger. Is that why people are fat? No, it's generally psychological hunger or appetite....for more tasty things.
I've a reasonable understanding of nutrition so cereal and cheese would form part of a healthy balanced diet, even crisps and cereal bars....the point is they are all convenience and expensive foods. Noones advocating starving children, just stop helping yourself to expensive snacks because you're too lazy or too entitled to make/wait for a sandwich. I can assure you every time I've eaten a cake it wasn't because I was hungry!

Yes, all these emotions associated with food, who is in control of it, 'shit parents' if you encourage your children to self regulate rather than control, control and control.

Me and my cousin once bought a 24 pack of crisps and a huge tub of sweets, we hid them and secretly consumed them.

We could've told my parents we were hungry and they'd have made us a snack but it wouldn't have been 4 packets of crisps and 2 handfuls of crisps (sadly) so we took matters into our owns.

I am a normal healthy weight as an adult, I didn't/don't have a weird relationship with food. I was just being sneaky and greedy.

If the babybels and frubes are considering 'junk' where is the normal cheese and yoghurt to actually eat then? Is there an alternative?

Thank goodness, I was starting to think I was going out of my mind! I'm with you, this sounds like greed. I am a greedy person which is perhaps why I recognise it. OP, you are on the right track. Kids need to learn that actions have consequences and that most households don't have unlimited money for food.

My DD does this (she's 8), eats crisps or chocolate or sweets when she feels like it.

She is not underfed by anyones imagination, she eats more than me some days! She also has open access to the fruit bowl and I always allow a bit of chocolate or a few sweets after our evening meal if she asks for it.

For her it's about control. It gets worse when she's struggling at school or having a growth spurt or she's spent a lot more or a lot less time with her dad.

I always restrict buying snacks when I find out and she doesn't get any until it passed.

I found the box system unhelpful, as DD would just eat everything in her box within an hour or so then constantly try and get more anyway. But I know it works for a lot of people.

Look, my well feed kids, who have most home meals cooked fresh as we both WFH, and have access to healthy snacks, and do get treats, pudding, crisps etc
Would absolutely gorge themselves on chocolate, biscuits, sweets given the chance!
Numerous times we've had to remind our kids that if they want 'treats' they have to ask first- the rest of the food they can have want they want.
So OP is hardly the Wicked Witch of the West for bring pissed off that they've gone and eaten so much crap in one go, without asking

Sometimes I don't think some people on MN are being real. I understand those thinking taking away the Christmas money may be a bit too harsh but for those saying the children are not fed enough, they're starving, they shouldn't be limited to the amount of snacks they have... You're just being ridiculous!

YANBU and anyone suggesting you're starving your children is completely wrong. We've had this issue, and so did my parents with us and I just 'hide' the snacks and have other food available that my docs can snack on - rice cakes and fruit.

I tell my dcs not to be sneaky about food, they can sit down and have a slice of toast and honey when they're hungry but ultimately you've taught them about self-control, consequences and what it is to live in a family with limited shared resources. Good job you - not sure I'd have stopped money but I would certainly have stopped 'treat' food for a month, no problem.

Sugar is very addictive for some people. You can’t keep a stash of sweet things in the house and expect a sugar addict not to eat them. Many adults can’t control themselves so you can hardly expect kids to!

I think you should give them their money back and keep the treats in the boot of the car. Someone on here recommended this a while ago and although I don’t do it, I think it’s a great idea.

Really? I can remember taking a packet of biscuits and hiding it in my room when I was a child. My mum found it in the end. I can't remember what happened but I didn't do it again because I realised it was a dishonest and selfish thing to do and I felt ashamed. We had plenty of food in our house and I only took these biscuits because I particularly liked them and wanted them all to myself. I am now over 60 and have led a blameless life on the whole!