I made my kids pay for the food they took

[piqueen]

Did I go too far?
I took their Christmas money to replace the sweets and treats they took. We do a big shop once a month and I buy all the chocolates/ crisps and other cupboard bits for the month. These are for lunchboxes for the kids, dh and for picnics on the weekend (or pack lunches for days out) , also biscuits and breakfast bars. You know, the good stuff?
I did the shop on the 1st and by the 3rd I thought, the cupboard looked a bit empty on the 3rd (so 2 days) and by the 6th I definitely knew something was up.
The boxes of cereal bars were empty (but still stacked so first glance there is non missing), all the chocolate had gone, the biscuits had been opened and eaten.

me and dh did a big clear out of their room and moved the furniture around. We found all the evidence, evidence which included loads of fridge snacks too. Frubes, cheesestring, baby bell which the wax has got stuck in the carpet.
I was so pissed off i took the kids Xmas money and have been using it to replace the items for DHs lunch only. The kids are having no treats in their lunch and I'm only buying fruit.

The reason we do a big shop is because I don't drive so I get a taxi once a month to keep costs down. (it's cheaper to shop at aldi and pay £10 once a month than shop in sainsburies every week, so I bulk buy aldi and top up at the more expensive shop) The kids have obviously been doing this for some time as there was so much rubbish behind and under the wardrobe.

It's been 2 weeks since I took their money but I feel so guilty. They only get a little bit (it was £40 between them) and they are only 9 and 10 but, also they stole a month's worth of treats for everyone (dh works in a physical job so he gets easy bars he can stick I his pocket, sometimes he is doing a 12 hour shift, very labour intensive and no chance to nip to mcdonalds)

I'm going back and forth between
'actions have consequences' and
'kids will be kids'

I don't even know if the lesson has sunk in because they have been eating loads of fruit instead now which is better but obviously costs more than chocolate bars and the price if everything is going up I'm wondering if I'm being too harsh

Yabu - give the money back
Yanbu - they should pay for the food they took

I was going to say lightweight before I spotted the ices bit 😃

Choc ice is not babybel though is it, do you think a 9 year old could eat 24 babybel.

Missing the point but you'd probably be better off doing a monthly shop at Asda or somewhere and paying for delivery than getting a taxi return.

And the food you mention like Frubes and Babybels has a massive markup, if you're not rolling in it then you're better off giving them cubes of actual cheese instead of processed prepackaged stuff.

I wouldn't make them pay, I'd make them go without for the month though.

OP, I strongly recommend a lockup box. Not expensive. Look on Amazon.
LOL at all the people on here diagnosing either eating disorders or child starvation. This was junky foods and the kids were being greedy little sods, the OP is right to be annoyed.

I'm quite interested that so many people allow their children unrestricted access to food. I'm definitely not anal about food and always let my children have something to eat for snacks or if they are extra hungry but my children (who are similar age to OPs) wouldn't ever help themselves to food without asking or mentioning it.

@PrincessScarlett Unrestricted access to food - within reason. Treat cupboard, once item once a day after dinner, provided dinner was all eaten. Yoghurts/Smoothies for lunch, DS sets aside one each per day for his lunch box and how he snacks on the rest is up to him. If he eats them all he gets a boring lunch with just double sandwiches. School have a healthy eating policy so crisps and bars are banned.

He can have as much of anything else in the house as he needs because there are some days that he'll pick at food and others that he'll eat us out of house and home. But everything else in the house is healthy & fresh, and he knows to check first before eating it.

Having said that I have 60 easter eggs sitting in the hall for a childrens event and DS and DH confessed to pilfering one each. Partners in Crime. They were made to replace them and I'll tease them mercilessly so even the well trained ones can be tempted.

Mine take all the snacks. They’re not hungry- they get plenty of food and there are healthy alternatives. It drives me mad that they can’t see if they eat 15 packets of crisps in 2 days then no one else gets a share. We lock them away now and if they find and eat them I don’t buy extra. Both
of mine have adhd which may be why they can’t control the impulse to take the food but that’s a guess.
im happy for them to have snacks but it’s the eating of everything ( and then lying about it) that pees me off. I don’t think you are being unreasonable to make them pay. If they don’t learn from that then try something else. Nothing has worked for mine - I’m hoping it’s just a selfish teenager thing and they’ll grow out of it eventually.

@Genie321

they should feel comfortable in their own home to take ALL the snacks leaving none for anybody else?? Really? Cos that’s what they did

it’s OP’s job to feed them but not supply an endless amount of treats for them to binge on

Locking up food is weird. Why not teach them to self regulate. If your child can't regulate their intake of frubes and cheese, you have a problem on your hands, probably caused by your restrictive behaviour to begin with or you are not noticing your young children very much.

You need to look at the bigger picture and why they are sneaking food. I’d also not have loads of crap in the cupboards, but may be just me.

Taking their money is an extreme and very mean response.

I wouldn't have made them pay for it but it would definitely mean they have no snacks until next big shop.

NEWSFLASH

sometimes it just a case that kids can be greedy and selfish!
nothing more to it than that!

Bloody hell, are you OK?

Eurgh for those saying 'they must be hungry or they wouldn't take it' yeah maybe, but its most likely the easy access and addictive nature of junk food, they want to scoff the lot that's why they took it and hid the evidence because had they asked, OP probably would have said no and offered an alternative snack but of course they don't want that because they probably aren't really that hungry. Just because we are parents, it doesn't mean we have to pander to our children's every demand or cut them slack on every mistake they make. Nothing wrong with saying these snacks are for xyz so don't eat them and also nothing wrong with the consequence of taking their pocket money to replace it - not sure how effective that would be given the ages but worth a try. God help us, it's no wonder there is a generation of snowflakes judging by some of the responses on here

I think you went a bit too far charging them for the food but I think you're right to say, sorry, there's no treats left, you've had them all.
I'd be more concerned about the deception. This isn't an isolated incident od snaffling a pack of crisps, this is sneaky dishonest behaviour. For all those saying the kids must be hungry, well I didn't see anyone sneaking away the apples or crispbread. We're they asking for a sandwich or snack. Doubt it. The deliberately stole the snacks and hid (not so well) the evidence. I'd be angry too....and concerned.
You've taken the cash so I think it's confusing issues to give it back but I guess you can 'use' that money mid month to buy some more. I think the point is why are they stealing? Are you super strict about snacks in general? Have there been other incidents around dishonesty? If it's just around food I'd be concerned. Don't make food an issue. Maybe get them on board with chosing/making some 'tasty' snacks. Forget about the punishment, concentrate how you are going to move forward.

I don't think you were unreasonable given that a months worth of snacks was gone in a matter of days. But your children seem to be of the age that explaining your reaction is very reasonable. It isn't cheap shopping now due to the cost of living but children don't have a concept of money and how much things cost and as with all kids can have hollow leg syndrome and eat you out of house and home. But as others have suggested various ways of dealing with the issue - you can but try a few and see what works best for you.
We used to have a snack box that everyone knew they could eat from (ACs and GCs!!) and when it was gone that was it until we went shopping again. However now that we have two GCs after school twice a week we realised that they kept going back for more so now they have a proper tea fairly soon after they come in from school followed by an ice lolly. For some reason they don't do yoghurts and fruit!! Another GC can't have dairy so his snacks are stored separately. But we now don't buy in so much anyway as DH is diabetic and I don't do chocolate!! 🙃I do like a cake though!! But we have started home baking so will see how we go with that!

I'm quite interested that so many people allow their children unrestricted access to food. I'm definitely not anal about food and always let my children have something to eat for snacks or if they are extra hungry but my children (who are similar age to OPs) wouldn't ever help themselves to food without asking or mentioning it.

We have limited crap in the house. My DC ask if they can eat this or that, but it’s rote by now as they know the answers. Soon they won’t ask, I think. They know they’re allowed one bit of junky processed food per day, normally they eat it after school as well as the rest of their lunchboxes. Otherwise, they know to make themselves a sandwich, eat a banana, eat a bowl of yogurt, have cheese and nuts, eat an avocado, or wait until dinnertime. I have zero problem with my children being hungry and waiting until dinnertime. They can eat as much or as little dinner as they want, dessert is always fruit with cream or ice cream occasionally.

My view is the children know how much they need to eat, but they don’t know what’s best to eat yet. It’s my job to teach them.

Yes but how do you react to that is the key thing. Making food a forbidden 'treat' just makes it more attractive. The locked box of stuff I shouldn't have. When they are adults and nobody is locking the box, how are they going to cope and exercise any restraint!

@flutterbyebaby

yes thanks! 😀

Just find it exasperating sometimes that sometimes a simple fact such as the one I said can be overlooked and some posters always suspect there may be some ‘bigger picture’ - when actually there may not be!

OP, just as a matter of interest, what are they eating at mealtimes?

But it is their house and their food as they have no means as children to buy the food, how can you steal your own food?

they ate the things that were meant for their dad's snacks/lunchbox too. That's not on.

Cripes, this is a horrible horrible read :( I feel properly sad for these children.

I wouldn't be very happy if my kids did that without least asking first. If your kids are getting enough to eat and they're just stealing the treat stuff, then I'd make them pay it back as well. Going forward, if they've got pocket money, then they can budget and buy sweets out of that, and when it's gone it's gone.

Children helping themselves to food from a cupboard is in no way theft. It would be stealing if it was from a shop, but not from a home where parents are expected to provide food. What next? Are you going to bill them for the nappies / car seats / clothes they have worn since babyhood? Insane.

I think it was too harsh!