I made my kids pay for the food they took

[piqueen]

Did I go too far?
I took their Christmas money to replace the sweets and treats they took. We do a big shop once a month and I buy all the chocolates/ crisps and other cupboard bits for the month. These are for lunchboxes for the kids, dh and for picnics on the weekend (or pack lunches for days out) , also biscuits and breakfast bars. You know, the good stuff?
I did the shop on the 1st and by the 3rd I thought, the cupboard looked a bit empty on the 3rd (so 2 days) and by the 6th I definitely knew something was up.
The boxes of cereal bars were empty (but still stacked so first glance there is non missing), all the chocolate had gone, the biscuits had been opened and eaten.

me and dh did a big clear out of their room and moved the furniture around. We found all the evidence, evidence which included loads of fridge snacks too. Frubes, cheesestring, baby bell which the wax has got stuck in the carpet.
I was so pissed off i took the kids Xmas money and have been using it to replace the items for DHs lunch only. The kids are having no treats in their lunch and I'm only buying fruit.

The reason we do a big shop is because I don't drive so I get a taxi once a month to keep costs down. (it's cheaper to shop at aldi and pay £10 once a month than shop in sainsburies every week, so I bulk buy aldi and top up at the more expensive shop) The kids have obviously been doing this for some time as there was so much rubbish behind and under the wardrobe.

It's been 2 weeks since I took their money but I feel so guilty. They only get a little bit (it was £40 between them) and they are only 9 and 10 but, also they stole a month's worth of treats for everyone (dh works in a physical job so he gets easy bars he can stick I his pocket, sometimes he is doing a 12 hour shift, very labour intensive and no chance to nip to mcdonalds)

I'm going back and forth between
'actions have consequences' and
'kids will be kids'

I don't even know if the lesson has sunk in because they have been eating loads of fruit instead now which is better but obviously costs more than chocolate bars and the price if everything is going up I'm wondering if I'm being too harsh

Yabu - give the money back
Yanbu - they should pay for the food they took

Feed them more, then they won't have to steal. Strange you need that explaining I would think

Rather than hunger, could this be some form if comfort eating, are the unhappy?

Over the summer I put snacks for the day in a bowl for my DS to eat as he pleased. The “good” snacks. If he ate them all then there is fruit/toast/cheese and crackers. The first few days he ate them all in 5 minutes but soon learned to spread them out. Now he has a Tupperware with the weeks snacks in for him. He is 5.

Don't replace it.

They can't eat what isn't there.

I'm quite interested that so many people allow their children unrestricted access to food. I'm definitely not anal about food and always let my children have something to eat for snacks or if they are extra hungry but my children (who are similar age to OPs) wouldn't ever help themselves to food without asking or mentioning it.

In answer to your post OP, I don't think I'd charge the children for taking all the treats but I definitely wouldn't replace them so they would have to go without until the next big shop.

I find the idea of children ‘stealing’ food in their own homes or having to ask before they eat something a bit bizarre tbh. I have never restricted what DS eats and he is a healthy weight (at 16). He gets through a lot of cereal as that is one of his preferred snacks and will often make himself something after I am in bed. When he was younger I never bothered if he wanted something close to mealtime as he would still eat his dinner. Whether he had the yoghurt before or after made little difference.

i do get that if you bulk buy you may have more snacks in the house just after a shop. Maybe explain to them how/why you shop this way and how long snacks have to last and that they are for all of you to share. It sounds like they knew they shouldn’t do it because they hid the wrappers but still may not really understand why.

could you shop online more frequently? With a delivery saver it is cheaper than your taxi.

i think a conversation would have been enough rather than making them pay and banning snacks. As others have said it is a double punishment.

My DC definitely wouldn't eat their weight in cheese and yoghurt, I think that is exceptional and if they are doing that they genuinely must be hungry. If they do not have any self regulation then that is a different matter but suggests boredom. Do they play or do anything after school.

They are children and it's our job to make sure they are well fed.

there is ZERO indication in the OP that the DCs are anything other than well fed.

OP buys food once a month. Let's assume that each DC takes 2 snack things and the DH takes 3 snack things per day. Assuming it is Mon-Fri for each of them that's 40 snacks for each DC and 60 for the grown up.

It isn't beyond belief to think that if they get a sandwich and an apple for their lunchbox, plus a frube and a babybel for snacks they're fine. But if they eat ALL the snacks so the DH doesn't even get a breakfast bar to take with him? That's not a healthy family. It is nothing to do with what are "good" snacks or that this obviously Dickensian mother only gives her children thin gruel. It is about learning not to take everything at once and to ensure that everyone gets things.

So OP just needs to explain this. I guess the DCs knew this anyway otherwise they wouldn't have tried to hide the evidence. Nobody needs to forensically scratch their heand and do vast calculations to say "hmm doesn't add up". Bollocks to that. A once a month shop has been wrecked, and now everyone is paying the price of no nice snacks.

I do agree, OP, that you have double punished. So while you're having the "don't take all the snacks" discussion you could say that since they now understand, you are giving them their money back, but next time they will be coming with you and paying for the snacks themselves. (because there won't be a next time)

Jesus.

As a former child snack thief, I can promise everyone here that I was not underfed, deprived or abused, I was not pushed into comfort eating by the sheer misery of my existence, I was not neglected and bored, and as an adult I do not have an unhealthy relationship with food (or my lovely, loving parents for that matter). I was just a greedy little sod.

This thread is mental.

@PenelopeTitsDrop3121

theyre not stealing 'food' they're eating all the treats!! Big Dufference

You are not alone.

I wouldn't have taken their money.

They ate all the treats, so the natural consequence of that is that they have no treats for the rest of the month. That's logical. As others have said, what you're doing is punishing twice.

I also agree with others that I wouldn't put yogurts and cheese in the same category as chocolate. Sneaking chocolate and crisps and hiding the wrappers might be typical impulsive child behaviour. Feeling that they have to do it with other foods is concerning.

Well this thread is mental!

@piqueen I think that their behaviour was totally unacceptable. They know it was too or they wouldn't have hidden the evidence. I'd probably have done similar regarding the money.

Learning some self restraint is an important life lesson as is knowing that there's a limit to how far money goes. I'd be livid if my kids ate all of one the better treats (imitation cornettos in this house) without asking. We are a family, one person doesn't get to hog it all.

The separate tubs are a good idea through I might go further and make them weekly (even though you buy it monthly).
If you need tubs I often buy the little individually wrapped brownies or muffins in farmfoods or Iceland. They come in a decent plastic tub but are also reasonably priced!

Give them a way to earn back the money.

Totally agree with this.

They are 9 and 10. Its your job to feed them. Why should they be paying? Its their home. they should feel comfortable about going into a cupboard and taking a snack. What sort of home are you operating?

Me too. Sweets are nice.

IMO, it is not something you are going to do as they get older, I mean 15/16 year olds, if they have money, which DS and friends do will go an buy meal deals after school and sometimes KFC on Friday. It would be ridiculous to micro manage children as they get older. They have to learn to self regulate, my youngest who is 11 has free access and self regulates even things like biscuits or crisps, she'll leave half a bag.

Erm,they are taking it without asking and hiding the evidence. What would you call it?

For me I would question how the food shopping is done.

Surely stuff goes off after a few days. Certainly after a month.

How much are you realistically buying in one go.

You don’t have to be hungry to fancy a snack, you might just want to eat something sweet as comfort food or because of boredom or stress.

I would be looking to address what is going on in that regards.

What is their routine when they are home?

What do you do to keep them entertained.

I think I was the only mother at the school gate who didn’t have a snack cupboard (possibly because I knew I would eat it all. Turns out I have adhd, like my dc and I snacked for the dopamine)

Every single evening they went out to their activities or to the park or into London or the local theme park (even with the annual family ticket I probably spent less than what people spent on refilling their snack cupboard each week)
I would buy a bar of chocolate and share it between us but not everyday. Mostly it was fruit and yogurts.

Also are you making sure the children know just how tight money is at the moment because that in itself can make issues around food a problem.

If Dc have eate everything and you can’t afford to replaced them food, where is your Dh getting his snacks from ?

I wouldn't have charged them. But I wouldn't have bought any more treats either.

I don't believe in snacking - personal choice but I find this constant need to be eating every hour most unnecessary.

My kids get 3 meals a day and supper if desired. But no snacks. They get a dessert/treat after lunch and dinner.

Like everyone else says - make sure they are getting good nutritious meals and maybe a treat afterwards.

One where there isn't endless money so if they eat the food meant for someone else, in theory that person goes hungry. And don't tell me they must be hungry. My kid will eat all he wants a tea, but I'd got out the rest box of course he'd fit more in. And if Iet him have unrestricted access before dinner, when he's meant to be starting towards hunger, he won't eat the nutritionally balanced meal I make.

Clearly many people here have never eaten food just because it tastes nice, rather than hunger.

They're kids, they saw nice food and they took it. It isn't stealing but it is selfish.

But it is their house and their food as they have no means as children to buy the food, how can you steal your own food?

The only kids I knew that stole food and hid were a neighbours, I spotted them hiding behind their shed eating dry bread more than once, so I had a word with their gran, ss got involved. The question is why couldn't they just ask?

My brother once ate 24 choc ices in the space of 48 hours. Because they were there.

“But the yoghurt and cheese!” For goodness sake, it’s Frubles and Babybel. 😂 Processed snack foods that just barely cling to the labels of yoghurt and cheese. Frubles in particular are sugary and not like regular yoghurt. Of course kids try to scoff them down, they’re treats!