I made my kids pay for the food they took

[piqueen]

Did I go too far?
I took their Christmas money to replace the sweets and treats they took. We do a big shop once a month and I buy all the chocolates/ crisps and other cupboard bits for the month. These are for lunchboxes for the kids, dh and for picnics on the weekend (or pack lunches for days out) , also biscuits and breakfast bars. You know, the good stuff?
I did the shop on the 1st and by the 3rd I thought, the cupboard looked a bit empty on the 3rd (so 2 days) and by the 6th I definitely knew something was up.
The boxes of cereal bars were empty (but still stacked so first glance there is non missing), all the chocolate had gone, the biscuits had been opened and eaten.

me and dh did a big clear out of their room and moved the furniture around. We found all the evidence, evidence which included loads of fridge snacks too. Frubes, cheesestring, baby bell which the wax has got stuck in the carpet.
I was so pissed off i took the kids Xmas money and have been using it to replace the items for DHs lunch only. The kids are having no treats in their lunch and I'm only buying fruit.

The reason we do a big shop is because I don't drive so I get a taxi once a month to keep costs down. (it's cheaper to shop at aldi and pay £10 once a month than shop in sainsburies every week, so I bulk buy aldi and top up at the more expensive shop) The kids have obviously been doing this for some time as there was so much rubbish behind and under the wardrobe.

It's been 2 weeks since I took their money but I feel so guilty. They only get a little bit (it was £40 between them) and they are only 9 and 10 but, also they stole a month's worth of treats for everyone (dh works in a physical job so he gets easy bars he can stick I his pocket, sometimes he is doing a 12 hour shift, very labour intensive and no chance to nip to mcdonalds)

I'm going back and forth between
'actions have consequences' and
'kids will be kids'

I don't even know if the lesson has sunk in because they have been eating loads of fruit instead now which is better but obviously costs more than chocolate bars and the price if everything is going up I'm wondering if I'm being too harsh

Yabu - give the money back
Yanbu - they should pay for the food they took

@axolotlfloof

they can eat it, just not all at once

at their ages, they are old enough to know that

We have shared food in my house. And separate food.

Well good for you. Could it be possible, I mean outrageous to think that someone does not want to live like your family, but hear me out - just imagine that in some families we don't do separate food, because all family members are considerate and we don't need to lock our separate chocolates away? HOw exactly does it teach anybody manners, if they don't eat your stuff only because they can't get to it?

Oh for fuck’s sake !! Mumsnet is another planet sometimes !!

This.

Given the choice, I think a lot of children would choose snacks and sweets over a proper dinner. I think it's very harsh of some posters to imply that the OP is not feeding her children enough. I wonder if some of these comments are from people who would tut tut about parents giving their children too many snacks.

They obviously are allowed some snacks and sweets, otherwise the OP wouldn't be buying them. It is unreasonable, though, that they have taken lots of food without permission.

I think perhaps taking all their Christmas money is too harsh. Maybe a couple of pounds AND no snacks and sweets for a month. I would also put these away where they can't be got at.

Shared food and separate food yes. Because some of us have different dietary needs. But my kids would never take what's doesn't belong to them. Because they know the difference between right and wrong.

You know they aren’t stealing ?!? They are your children and live with you . The food in the cupboards is good for them and very clearly you aren’t feeding them enough and secondly you should have your kids taken away from you for a number of reasons - including feeding them this processed junk ! Shame on you

Fuck that's messed up. Hope you don't have kids.

Jonei I'm wondering if that was a joke.

I totally get why you feel like this.

Sounds like these children could be emotionally eating and punishment is going to be shaming and not addressing the issue. To punish twice and to not have an open chat with them will leave them confused and unheard. All very sad. Also ... a 15p banana is definitely cheaper than a chocolate bar. Bananas!

I’m really seeing why over 40% of 11 year olds are overweight reading some responses on this thread.
An 11 year old having presumably having breakfast, a generous packed lunch - sandwich, crisps, twix biscuit and fruit and a home cooked tea does not need 3 bowls or cereal and 2 bags of crisps as an after school ‘snack’ - 1000 plus cals?
If they are genuinely hungry then yes look at lunch box and up the protein and ensure there’s stuff for a filling snack for after school but I suspect child is eating it just because it’s there and cba making anything. Eating 3 bags of crisps a day isn’t good for anyone. Saying have one bag of crisps a day isn’t starving them.
Children don’t need to eat constantly.
If they are hungry then they’d eat the after school snack provided and the homemade dinner - Op says they didn’t that night as they’d been snacking on packaged snacks unknown to her at the time.

I think it’s very weird that, instead of saying no treats for a month, you have stolen their Xmas present money to continue to buy your own treats.

And then you’re complaining that they eat too much fruit which is costing you more money.

Well yes we have some separate foods as well, as DC has a peanut allergy. I still wouldn't call it stealing if he decided to eat 'my' peanut butter. Would be quite stupid, but not stealing

Some of these posts are so het up and angry, I'd hate to see what happens if something serious happens in these families!

I have older children so I do know what I am taking about, one is nearly 16 and when he has snacks I don't doubt that he genuinely is hungry as is my 11 year old DD when she is hungry, my mind isn't blown by a physically developing and growing teenager with a very high metabolism, seeking calories as we(DH and I) were the same! DH even says that he is at the age where he could easily put away a plate of pasta when he comes in from school and then have a dinner later with no impact whatsoever on his size. It 'is' hunger and perfectly natural behaviour, why demonise it or worse believe the lesson to be taught is about right and wrong. I mean why not try and apply some logic to this occurrence rather than listen to much of this emotionally reactive advice(rubbish) on this thread! You know, some rational intelligence.

I’d be worrying about the binging and hiding wrappers.

I wouldn’t be charging them for it!! It’s family food. They’re part of the family. Sounds like they were being greedy and lacking consideration, but it’s hardly theft from their own kitchen.

Fridge raiding was a legitimate pastime when I was 6 - 18....

I remember my usually very calm gran going bonkers once when she found the evidence and a few slices of very smelly mouldy ham and a chunk of manky roast beef in a suitcase under the bed.

I wasn't hungry it was just delicious fun.... We'd set an alarm for a midnight feast!

Don't all kids do this...? I'll be disappointed if mine dont!

In all honesty I think I'd have considered taking money out of my spends a fair punishment at the time.

That the cereal boxes were rearranged to hide what they'd been doing means they are well aware that eating snacks at random and in bulk without permission is not allowed. They can ask before taking. Some children get a thrill from conning a parent, others enjoy the excitement of misbehaving. Children and adults will eat stuff because it's there. I think it's important they learn stealing is wrong. We all know the office creep who eats our yoghurt and uses our coffee.

Exactly. I mean, of course you warn. Mine don't have this urge but when they want the whole bar of Toblerone I'd suggest, why don't you save some for tomorrow, or please share it with us... It works and it's not a drama. As someone previously said, it's about balance. You also need to have good tasting, healthy meals to prevent this urge. For example pasta bolognese, courgette frittata... If the choice for them IS between a boiled carrot and babybel, you might struggle. But making sweets such a precious treat to even be a sin to eat could create an obsessive psychology.

For me the big issue is the sneaking the food and hiding the wrappers/evidence. That shows that they knew they shouldn't have been doing it. Have a big stern word, replenish DHs snacks but not theirs, allow them to earn back some of their Christmas money but not all. They clearly aren't underfed or starving, so it's the stealing that's the problem, and you're absolutely right to make that have consequences. Then keep the snacks out of reach.

I don't think there's any need for 3 bowls of cereal and 2 bags of crisps though!

My 3rd has just turned 12 and is definitely going through a growth spurt. He's already taller than me and I'm 5"7 his older brothers are also tall and have never needed to eat 3 bowls of cereal before dinner

Kids will be kids, in my opinion. They probably did it for fun of the moment. Kids this age don't really think ahead. And they are too young to understand your financial worries in full. I would forgive and forget.

Yeah it probably is. It's hard to tell sometimes 🤦‍♀️

I think your being unreasonable. I too would be annoyed about all of the treats, biscuits etc... being eaten, let them learn the hard way and don't replace it until your next big shop. My 2 have a treat box each, which is filled up once a week, once its gone that's it. The rest of the treats are put away so their not constantly reaching for them. The part where I think your unreasonable is you being cross over the Yogurts, cheese and now the amount of fruit their eating. I'm a single parent, I know this stuff is expensive, but its a lot healthier than the treats. As such, my 2 are able to help themselves to the healthier snacks as and when their hungry. Their growing, their clearly hungry and I don't expect them to ask permission to eat food in their own home.

We have a big old chest that's locked with all the snacks in. Otherwise mine would scoff the lot. My middle child gained so much weight in Lock down eating 10 packs of crisps a day - we found the packs stuffed down the back of the bed. It's easy not to notice stuff.

We always have healthy snacks out but lunch stuff has to be locked away. Plus my oldest is a grown up and would drink 5 cartons of the little ones juice rather than make a glass of squash etc and I hated getting up and having nothing left.

I say talk to them about consequences and give them the money back - explaining what will happen next time then do it.

I think them not having treats for a month was enough of a punishment. Christmas money is just that and I feel you taking it is stealing from them. Please give it back to them. I thought they'd taken food from the supermarket. It suggests they were hungry and just ate snacks in the same way your DH does when hungry...