I made my kids pay for the food they took

[piqueen]

Did I go too far?
I took their Christmas money to replace the sweets and treats they took. We do a big shop once a month and I buy all the chocolates/ crisps and other cupboard bits for the month. These are for lunchboxes for the kids, dh and for picnics on the weekend (or pack lunches for days out) , also biscuits and breakfast bars. You know, the good stuff?
I did the shop on the 1st and by the 3rd I thought, the cupboard looked a bit empty on the 3rd (so 2 days) and by the 6th I definitely knew something was up.
The boxes of cereal bars were empty (but still stacked so first glance there is non missing), all the chocolate had gone, the biscuits had been opened and eaten.

me and dh did a big clear out of their room and moved the furniture around. We found all the evidence, evidence which included loads of fridge snacks too. Frubes, cheesestring, baby bell which the wax has got stuck in the carpet.
I was so pissed off i took the kids Xmas money and have been using it to replace the items for DHs lunch only. The kids are having no treats in their lunch and I'm only buying fruit.

The reason we do a big shop is because I don't drive so I get a taxi once a month to keep costs down. (it's cheaper to shop at aldi and pay £10 once a month than shop in sainsburies every week, so I bulk buy aldi and top up at the more expensive shop) The kids have obviously been doing this for some time as there was so much rubbish behind and under the wardrobe.

It's been 2 weeks since I took their money but I feel so guilty. They only get a little bit (it was £40 between them) and they are only 9 and 10 but, also they stole a month's worth of treats for everyone (dh works in a physical job so he gets easy bars he can stick I his pocket, sometimes he is doing a 12 hour shift, very labour intensive and no chance to nip to mcdonalds)

I'm going back and forth between
'actions have consequences' and
'kids will be kids'

I don't even know if the lesson has sunk in because they have been eating loads of fruit instead now which is better but obviously costs more than chocolate bars and the price if everything is going up I'm wondering if I'm being too harsh

Yabu - give the money back
Yanbu - they should pay for the food they took

You know they aren’t stealing ?!? They are your children and live with you . The food in the cupboards is good for them and very clearly you aren’t feeding them enough and secondly you should have your kids taken away from you for a number of reasons - including feeding them this processed junk ! Shame on you

This ⬆️

I am really hoping that this is a really stupid joke as many children are being shamed and food being withheld.

Treat / junk food is being withheld. After they've stolen it. If they're ashamed because they've stolen what they shouldn't, then they need to deal with those feelings and ask in future before taking things that are being saved or belong to someone else.

I don't know why you buy so many sweets - they are high energy but low on staving off hunger, also addictive. What do your children have for breakfast, lunch and dinner? At 9 and 10 if girls they are getting ready for puberty and a massive growth spurt. If they are taking food without permission (not to be encouraged - always ask) then it is possible that they are hungry. Do they clear their plates at dinner? If so, they need more food because eating every scrap (unless you are a cordon bleu) is very unlike most children. Do you offer 'seconds'? Are their lunch boxes packed with a good amount of protein (meat, fish, cheese etc.), some filling carbohydrates (not crisps - treat), some fruit (apples have very little food value, btw, try bananas) etc.? Children need a surprising amount of food, and teens even more. And give them their Christmas money back, they have not actually stolen anything, just not asked if they could have a snack bar. If they develop a liking for fruit that's a good thing, btw.

I think stealing is emotive. They did not ask mum if they could have a snack bar. They might be hungry. Budgets are tight at the moment, I know, but telling children they cannot have a Twix bar is a bit OTT.

YABU - ask yourself why they’re feeling they need to take the snacks? Are they still really hungry? Children have growth spurts, plus, they’re at school all day using energy, children eat more, they’re growing. Maybe they feel they cannot ask you for a snack as you seem pretty strict about it. But yes I really do think you need to speak to them to understand why they’re having more snacks and see what they say, listen to your kids, talk it through.

Taking their Xmas money was harsh.

Personally, I couldn’t bear the guilt of taking their Christmas money. You were probably so angry and over reacted. Why don’t you think of a way they can ‘earn’ their money back after a chat about why they did it. Also, consider having a treat tin which they can help themselves to and when it’s gone it’s gone, on the understanding that the lunch treats are untouchable.

I'm amazed at that age you hadn't noticed the evidence in their rooms? Do you not go in there? I think I'd stop their pocket money for a week and also say no sweets etc.
I don't like the term stole though when they are part of the household/family themselves. How did they also manage to take all that without you noticing them keep going to the cupboard?

I can’t believe you would do this

Maybe feed them more and buy less snacks

No secret there.
my children are not starving but will easily reach out for the snacks and chocolates if I leave it available. They can’t reason with the fact that this was a whole months snacks, etc ?
I do hide mine in the boot of the car to control how much they have access to, for obvious heathy reasons. But then it’s me knowing that they won’t be eating non stop until they see the empty cupboard.
every child would do that to be honest with you, maybe they just needed a little chat to know that they should never do this again instead of punishing straight away .

don’t blame yourself.

Children don’t need to be hungry to eat more food especially treat convenience foods

I'd just give up the snacks. My two are the same, I don't mind them eating them, it's the not asking first that pisses me off.

You wouldn't go to a friend's house and raid their food cupboard without asking!

Um my kids live here, they're not visitors.

Lunch of a sandwich, crisps, a yoghurt, an apple, banana and a Twix is not much to be going on with for a growing boy, aged 11. The apple and Twix have little food value, only the bread and banana are carbohydrates, and the only protein is a bit of ham. He is about to start a growth spurt. He should have more for lunch - about double, I should think (but cut the Twix and give him some real chocolate)

Good god, how is that not enough food for lunch? It's around 800 calories I would guess - plenty for lunch. Doubling it would bring it to around 1600, almost the full daily amount needed for an 11 year old boy. I do agree though that foods could be improved - perhaps a pack of nuts instead of crisps, although this may not be allowed at some schools.

That is just raising kids with poor manners and a massive sense of entitlement that they can take whatever they want, whoever it belongs to, as long whatever it is is situated in their house.

We don't do separate shopping, all food in the house belongs to all of us. Do you 'children were stealing my food!' people all have separate fridges to make sure nobody 'steals' anybody else's sausages? Or put 'Karen's!! Don't touch!' labels on? 4 separate butters for each member of the family?

They 9 and 10 children eat none stop at this age .. you need to rethink your shopping

How many twix bars before it becomes stealing? One? Two? As many as they want?even if it belongs to someone else? The children's room didn't just have one wrapper in it did it. And taking anything that doesn't belong to you is stealing. However small. And however much you want to reframe that. Parents have a responsibility to teach their children that.

I personally would be more worried than cross if my children were sneaking food out of the cupboard.

Good for you OP. What they are 'stealing' isn't food but treats/junk. While things like the fruit bowl is a free for all in our house, chocolates, crisps and biscuits are not! I'm not one of those people either who believe junk is bad - everything has a time and a place in a balanced diet but as a grown adult, we know full well eating a chocolate or biscut when you're hungry isn't going to fill your up! We just try as best as we can to set the example to our kids.

We fight a hard battle in our house as my partner develops biscuits/snack for a famous brand and our utility room is like like a sweet shop with samples of hers and her competitors products. It's like working for a cigarette company and telling your kids 'smoking kills' :S To be honest, hearing stories from her factory visits puts me right off!

The comments on here are insane! Let me tell you my 16 year old son does this too and he certainly is not starving. He just eats and eats. As soon as I go to bed I hear his bedroom door open and he goes and raids the kitchen. They are just being greedy! You are spot on for doing what you’ve done and I would do the same. They need to learn to ration and not eat everything straight away.

Ah, is that a deliberate use of the word Karen? Those who don't want to raise their children to steal are now Karen's? How very childish of you.

We have shared food in my house. And separate food. And the children always ask before taking something unless it belongs to them, because it might be planned for meals, lunch boxes, belong to someone else. It's really not that hard to teach your child some manners you know. Unless you don't have any yourself.

Food is for eating. They need a clearer explanation of how it is shared, but limiting what kids eat is weird.
Once their share is gone, it's gone, but don't buy junk food if they can't eat it.

Those handwringing “yoghurt and cheese” were talking Frubes and Babybels here - the treat versions, it’s not like they’re sneaking plain yoghurt and a pot of cottage cheese is it?

Only on MN would anyone be accused of neglect for limiting their DC’s access to chocolate and biscuits (and yes cereal bars and frubes which are ok in small doses but full of sugar so meant to be treats). Of course treats should be limited.

I’d sit down together and talk to them about a fair way forward (e.g. a box each to last them a week etc) and how to earn their money back. They’ve likely learned a good lesson.

Yanbu, my eldest teen does this. She constantly eats, and steals the food for everyone. We always find it in the room. I doubt there is anything further going on. All those people saying they must be still hungry clearly havent got older kids. It's what I did too as a kid. If it's there they will take it. We tend to hide the good stuff now and just leave enough out that we don't mind them having.

There's some real shit parenting going on here. Parents too afraid or too wet to teach their child right from wrong / manners. Pathetic.