I made my kids pay for the food they took

[piqueen]

Did I go too far?
I took their Christmas money to replace the sweets and treats they took. We do a big shop once a month and I buy all the chocolates/ crisps and other cupboard bits for the month. These are for lunchboxes for the kids, dh and for picnics on the weekend (or pack lunches for days out) , also biscuits and breakfast bars. You know, the good stuff?
I did the shop on the 1st and by the 3rd I thought, the cupboard looked a bit empty on the 3rd (so 2 days) and by the 6th I definitely knew something was up.
The boxes of cereal bars were empty (but still stacked so first glance there is non missing), all the chocolate had gone, the biscuits had been opened and eaten.

me and dh did a big clear out of their room and moved the furniture around. We found all the evidence, evidence which included loads of fridge snacks too. Frubes, cheesestring, baby bell which the wax has got stuck in the carpet.
I was so pissed off i took the kids Xmas money and have been using it to replace the items for DHs lunch only. The kids are having no treats in their lunch and I'm only buying fruit.

The reason we do a big shop is because I don't drive so I get a taxi once a month to keep costs down. (it's cheaper to shop at aldi and pay £10 once a month than shop in sainsburies every week, so I bulk buy aldi and top up at the more expensive shop) The kids have obviously been doing this for some time as there was so much rubbish behind and under the wardrobe.

It's been 2 weeks since I took their money but I feel so guilty. They only get a little bit (it was £40 between them) and they are only 9 and 10 but, also they stole a month's worth of treats for everyone (dh works in a physical job so he gets easy bars he can stick I his pocket, sometimes he is doing a 12 hour shift, very labour intensive and no chance to nip to mcdonalds)

I'm going back and forth between
'actions have consequences' and
'kids will be kids'

I don't even know if the lesson has sunk in because they have been eating loads of fruit instead now which is better but obviously costs more than chocolate bars and the price if everything is going up I'm wondering if I'm being too harsh

Yabu - give the money back
Yanbu - they should pay for the food they took

It feels like they've had two punishments.

They've paid for the food they've eaten too quickly through pocket money.

AND

They are not getting further treats and snacks in their packed lunch and at home.

Were they aware they weren't to touch the snacks and treats? And how long they had to last?

It seems a little unusual for them to be deliberately hiding it all maybe.

If they are now eating a lot of fruit in replacement - maybe they are still hungry. Maybe bit, may just be greedy. But it's worth a consideration to figure out why it's all going.

Yes this was the post I was referring to. A small packed lunch (with the only protein wing a slice of ham!) would not keep an 11 year old full until teatime! Of course they need food when they get home. Doesn’t need to be crisps/chocolate. But fair play to him having some cereal! I hope he does have access to some food when he gets home and it’s not all ‘locked sway’. It’s not his fault he’s hungry and there’s crisps/snacks there.

This

They shouldn’t be paying for this food, why are they so hungry?

me and dh did a big clear out of their room and moved the furniture around. We found all the evidence, evidence which included loads of fridge snacks too. Frubes, cheesestring, baby bell which the wax has got stuck in the carpet.

I've just reread your initial comment and this bit stood out. How bad was their bedroom that you had to do a clear out and move furniture around to find evidence? When and how did they get the chance to remove and eat all that food without being noticed? I can understand not noticing a pack of biscuits or a little more, but you're talking about 40 quids worth of food? Where were you or your dh?

I always lock chocolate biscuits, crisps and sweets in a little cupboard. I give DC 1 a day. I know if I left it out he would just guzzle it all at once as he has a learning disability and does not understand it is bad for him. If I had children without learning disabilities taking all the treat food and guzzling it down at once I'd just lock it in cupboard giving 1 treat a day until they could self regulate.

I’m saying that a week’s worth was bought once a week and when it was gone, it was gone. There was never a case of eating someone else’s share because there were only the two of us and I was always watching my weight. I didn’t buy crisps, biscuits or chocolate bars for myself. I was a bit annoyed when he ate the last lemon yoghurt.

What are they allowed to eat when they r hungry? My boys know they are allowed pretty much unlimited cereal (healthy cereal like porridge and shredded wheat), water, milk, toast and fruit and veg. Anything else they'd ask for first :) Maybe check your little ones know what they r allowed to eat when hungry, and what they r not.

By the way, I'd avoid labelling your kids as 'stealing' at such a young age. That rarely ends well when they grow up ..

I used to steal food because my mum restricted my access. Now I have a binge eating disorder and am morbidly obese. If your kids had access to what they want there would be no "stealing" the fact they ate the cheese and yoghurt means it's not just the sweet treats they wanted, they wanted something to eat.

Need to have a think of what kind of house you run that your kids want to hide their eating of cheese and yogurt from their parents.

Give them their money back ffs.

Searching their bedroom and finding evidence too, sounds like a prison regime

Yes but every kid is different. I would have polished out vast quantities of all that stuff as a kid, the junky stuff would have been more appealing but would still have eaten enormous quantities of anything that was available, I was like a gannet and very overweight. I liked the sensation of being very full and eating a large amount of one thing. Absolutely loved food of any variety and still do. Although I agree that switching to healthier foods is a good idea.

Lots of people assuming they’ve eaten because they were hungry. But stuff like crisps and biscuits are usually had because you fancy it. If you are genuinely hungry you choose something more filling.
Op’s made it clear they have crackers, sandwiches, fruit available.

I wouldn’t assume they’re sneaking cereal bars, chocolate biscuits or crisps as they hungry but rather that they like them and it’s an easy snack when you are 10 rather than making something.

Definitely speak to them and see what’s going on. Make it clear what is ok to snack on. I’d definitely buy less pre packaged snacks.

Not allowing them to eat '3 sweet oranges' sounds like there are serious food issues in your house.

Learn from this no more monthly shops.

Get a delivery or dp can go shopping on his day off.

Learn to drive!

I bought a locking box in our house for this very reason. They were going through all the biscuits & crisps whilst bread, crumpets, yogurts, fruit were going off and having to be thrown away. I don’t think I would have taken their money, I think I would just make sure it didn’t happen again.

Yabvu to buy a months worth of chocolates and “good stuff” as you call it and expect it to last. I’m shocked you made your kids pay for their own food ! Wow just wow! My parents did this shit.. it was not nice.

It depends. Op’s clearly on a lowish food budget. If she’s bought 4 oranges for the week then it’s not fair if one child eats 3 in one go.

Sounds like DH is working long hours. Driving lessons are £60 a week here so not a budget friendly option.

Yanbu. My children are the same ages as yours and know that the treat stuff is off limits but they can fill up on fruit, toast.

Can't be that low to spend £40 on shite alone and get a taxi there and back

There are other ways to have dealt with this other than stealing your young kids’ money. Goodness.

Why do people fill their cupboards with so much shit? What happened to snacking on a piece of fruit? No wonder there is an obesity problem in the UK.

Budgie, choosing not to serve skittles for dinner is hardly what I would call food restriction. We rarely have skittles in the house anyway, unless they get left over from Halloween. Not all humans choose fatty sugary food over other stuff, surely that's part of craving

Really don't understand all the people who said the post made them uncomfortable/there are bigger issues/the children are clearly starving etc. That's not what I took from it at all.

I would be shocked that they had got through that much food in three/six days (OP said a shop was done on the 1st and by the 3rd cupboards were looking a bit empty and by the 6th all cerebral bars and chocolates were gone) and I would be annoyed about them taking food that was meant for other people's lunches and the fact that they stuffed wrappers behind furniture and let them get stuck in the carpets! To me that is terrible behavior and while I did pause to think whether taking their actual Christmas money was a bit harsh, I definitely would have stopped all treats and snacks in their own lunchboxes and make it clear that the behaviour is unacceptable.

I don't get the people who are querying why these things are 'treats' or 'the good stuff'. Chocolates, biscuits, crisps, cheese strings, yoghurts etc are classified as treats because they're not necessary for survival, they are an added thing on top of your main meal which tastes nice.

Also the implication that if OP doesn't want her kids eating endless snacks she must be restricting them due to money issues? If I had unlimited money for snacks and treats I would still find the DC's behaviour unacceptable and punish them, to teach them basic principles of not taking food which isn't meant for you, not gorging on unhealthy snacks and failing to take care of your room.

But wtf about the frubes and babybells- those are items they should be able to have whenever they’re hungry (within reason, obviously not if dinner is in 5 minutes) and no you shouldn’t take their Christmas money. There’s a fine line between teaching them that they can’t gorge on junk, the snacks are for everyone, need to last etc and giving them real food issues which you’re in danger of if you’re taking their money over reasonably healthy food like cereal bars, cheese and yoghurt.

This confused me aswell because I don't consider frubes, babybells, cheese, cereal bars and yoghurts to be healthy foods. I would see these as snacks that are high in calories/fat/sugar and need to be rationed along with biscuits and chocolates, even if only from a health perspective nevermind cost.

Theres nothing in the post to suggest that OP isn't providing her DC with three healthy meals a day. The fact she is annoyed that they have taken snacks and treats that are meant for other people and messed up their room in the process isn't reason to jump to the conclusion that the kids are starving to death.

Once again, only on mumsnet 🙄

Has OP said what she feeds her kids? I did ask but missed the reply, I think that would clear a lot of this restricted food questions up, possibly.

This is a slippery slope - Guilt tripping/punishing kids for taking/eating food. Fair enough I give out to my kids foe eating snacks close to mealtimes but aside from that they can help themselves as and when they please.

There is nothing wrong with babybel and and cheese for a snack. High in protein and low sugar and filling. They are good snacks. Cereal bars can be sugary but depends how active the kids are and what the rest of their diet looks like. Ditto yoghurts. They can vary wildly and be sugary but also have calcium
and protein in them.

My teen DD has binge eating disorder; I have to deep cleanse her bedroom at least twice a week. My DD has multiple disabilities and a very sad life and she is hyper focused on food, especially sugar and carbohydrates. She is in denial about her eating disorder so will try to conceal the ‘evidence’ all around her house but mainly in her younger sister’s bed or bedroom (Freudian, I’m sure). I try to store anything appealing in the boot of my car but occasionally I’m not fast enough to shift stuff so it gets ‘stolen’. Just to give an example of the level of desperation, DD1 stole (yes, I’m using that word because that’s what it is) DD2’s hoard of Christmas chocolates and sweets except for one Lindt bunny; I hid the bunny in a music bag hanging on the piano chair, thinking that DD1 would never find it (she’s not musical) - I was wrong.)

I regularly have to move DD1’s furniture to retrieve wrappers etc, mainly because I don’t want vermin in my house. I have enough problems to deal with.

I imagine that the OP’s children - like my DD1 - can stealthily open any packaging material without it appearing to have been tampered with? This thread has been so interesting as it’s an insight into the lives of those who have never had to contemplate the issue of disordered eating.