I made my kids pay for the food they took

[piqueen]

Did I go too far?
I took their Christmas money to replace the sweets and treats they took. We do a big shop once a month and I buy all the chocolates/ crisps and other cupboard bits for the month. These are for lunchboxes for the kids, dh and for picnics on the weekend (or pack lunches for days out) , also biscuits and breakfast bars. You know, the good stuff?
I did the shop on the 1st and by the 3rd I thought, the cupboard looked a bit empty on the 3rd (so 2 days) and by the 6th I definitely knew something was up.
The boxes of cereal bars were empty (but still stacked so first glance there is non missing), all the chocolate had gone, the biscuits had been opened and eaten.

me and dh did a big clear out of their room and moved the furniture around. We found all the evidence, evidence which included loads of fridge snacks too. Frubes, cheesestring, baby bell which the wax has got stuck in the carpet.
I was so pissed off i took the kids Xmas money and have been using it to replace the items for DHs lunch only. The kids are having no treats in their lunch and I'm only buying fruit.

The reason we do a big shop is because I don't drive so I get a taxi once a month to keep costs down. (it's cheaper to shop at aldi and pay £10 once a month than shop in sainsburies every week, so I bulk buy aldi and top up at the more expensive shop) The kids have obviously been doing this for some time as there was so much rubbish behind and under the wardrobe.

It's been 2 weeks since I took their money but I feel so guilty. They only get a little bit (it was £40 between them) and they are only 9 and 10 but, also they stole a month's worth of treats for everyone (dh works in a physical job so he gets easy bars he can stick I his pocket, sometimes he is doing a 12 hour shift, very labour intensive and no chance to nip to mcdonalds)

I'm going back and forth between
'actions have consequences' and
'kids will be kids'

I don't even know if the lesson has sunk in because they have been eating loads of fruit instead now which is better but obviously costs more than chocolate bars and the price if everything is going up I'm wondering if I'm being too harsh

Yabu - give the money back
Yanbu - they should pay for the food they took

Cheese is not essential to survive but if you have a typical Northern European diet it is not exactly rare to see it in a dinner of some kind. I'm confused as to what constitutes 'essntial food' to survive. I mean to survive you wouldn't need much variety but who wants to just survive?

Funny that they’re only talking the treats, and why don’t they ask if they’re hungry. I think OP is right to make them take the consequences.

I think taking their pocket money was a bit of an over-reaction, but I think you have to stick to your guns now. I'm sure they know it was wrong, which is why they hid the evidence, and they did need consequences. I don't think you've damaged them by stopping them having treats for a few weeks.

I don't think they took the teats because they were hungry, but because they were treats, probably egged each other on and got a bit carried away.

If they're resorting to having to steal food,it doesn't sound like they're getting enough food

Laughed at this. This place is hilarious🤣

You're right to punish your kids for taking a months worth of sweets and crap that they know is for the whole family.

What the kids food is for the whole family? Aren't frubes and baby bels aimed at kids?

Another poster suggested it is disordered eating, surely you don't punish young children 9 and 10 for disordered eating.

Consequences will only make the food more alluring

We currently have an obsession with oranges in our house (kids and adults). DD would eat three oranges in a row if I let her, but I don’t because a) it might give her an upset stomach, b) it’s not good for her teeth and c) it would be more than her fair share.

*by oranges I mean full sized ones, not satsuma types.

This is the sort of slightly mental shit I do. My children eat me out of house and home and I do on occasion hit the roof when they eat lunch box food and I don't have anything in for their lunches. I now ration the good stuff. All crisps/biscuits are hidden away and I will take them out bit by bit so they last the week. There is plenty of other non junk food things for them to eat.

I would give the money back, but going forward hide your DH lunch stuff and explain to DCs once their junk snacks are gone they are gone, no mid month top ups.

Yes but this is two young kids not your daughter, are you saying that the ops kids have eating disorders? I've had disordered eating my since childhood. Punished for not eating food I didn't like by my mother which included being battered and force fed. Given wonderful food by grandparents, when I got to stay with them because that's how they showed love. I've gone through cycles of binging, purging, starving to the point I'm fucked. Anyway not sure where I'm going with this and I think one of my triggers is poking my brain. Love for your dd and yourself.

I too would go the limited amount of snacks per week, and once they are gone, they are gone. My own DM did this to me with pocket money when we were on holiday one year. She told me I had the money in my purse to spend, and once it was gone, that was it. I don't think I really believed her (I was 7 at the time) so spent the lot in slot machines in one afternoon. When I complained I had no more money, she stuck to her guns, and although being a kid, I was really upset at the time, it taught me a lesson which has lasted me my whole life, and has ended with me being financially safe, even in these difficult times. So hopefully the lesson here, would help with other parts of their life, and not just the snacking.

And back in the real world I don't know anyone who would be happy with the dc eating all the treat food that was supposed to last a month in a matter of a few days

We have a box that's for packed lunch stuff that they know not to touch and then a box for whenever but they always ask before having anything.

Other than that they can eat fruit, toast, noodles cheese and crackers if they are hungry inbetween meals . The 12 year old tends to have toast atm before bed as he's turning into the predictable pre teen human dustbin where as my 10 year old doesn't really snack between meals

The box idea is a great idea

It doesn't mean they're starved 🙈 it's kids and convenience food my youngest could eat 10 peperami 6 baybebell and 5 packs of crisps because of the taste alone

My girls started getting really careless with the treats and sneaking so I didn't top them back up in our case it was around 5 days and they definitely learned their lesson from that. Personally I think double punishment is a bit much but you know your kids better then anyone on here.

And back in the even realer(?) world, would you not notice two young children sneaking £40 worth of snacks out of the kitchen into their bedroom, managing to eat it all and hiding the evidence at the same time as stamping it into the carpet? Would you need to clear out the bedroom and move furniture to confirm all this?

This was hard o read. You are restricting their food. Wait till your kids turn into teenagers. Why cant you have a conversation with them about healthy eating? Surely if they are stealing food, they arent getting enough. dont believe you have told the full story.

It depends if you have a naturally self regulating with food child though.

I have one of those so far, he's always been able to leave sweets, biscuits, crisps etc. We have a cupboard full of it and he'll ask can he have some, but will stop when he's had enough etc. Generally if he's eating, it's because he's hungry.

My friend's child can't leave food. He would eat a whole packet of biscuits in one go and still want more. He'll eat until he's sick. He has to be taught/encouraged to have self regulation and in the absence of that, he needs to know that it's not his food to take and has to be moderated by the adults who care about him so he doesn't make himself ill.

If they were positioning the empty boxes to look like they'd not been opened and were hiding stuff under the bed and in/ behind wardrobes then yeah. It might take a few days to notice!

Actually it would probably take me longer than that with the 12 year old . The only time I go down the side of his bed is to look for his lost remote or phone

😃 I dread to think what's down the side of my 17 year old bed. I think I'd need gloves!

This!

some people on here really don’t get that some people can’t “just buy more”

I can't believe people are giving out to the OP for restricting food. Of course we have to restrict food, anyone seen the prices lately?? You can't just let kids have unlimited snacks. Anyone with that mentality clearly doesn't need to stick to a monthly food budget.

Yes. Cheese and yoghurt. SUCH TREATS! And exactly the kind of thing non hungry children steal

Bless. Chocolate and sweets are junk food. I'm sure you know that though.

Frubes and baby bel? Hardly food a child would steal if they were really hungry

Crap isn't food

@Floomobal

babybels and yoghurts are treats - they are quick easy convenience foods
if they were stealing a block of cheese and a pot of plain Greek yoghurt you may have a point - by they’re not