I made my kids pay for the food they took

[piqueen]

Did I go too far?
I took their Christmas money to replace the sweets and treats they took. We do a big shop once a month and I buy all the chocolates/ crisps and other cupboard bits for the month. These are for lunchboxes for the kids, dh and for picnics on the weekend (or pack lunches for days out) , also biscuits and breakfast bars. You know, the good stuff?
I did the shop on the 1st and by the 3rd I thought, the cupboard looked a bit empty on the 3rd (so 2 days) and by the 6th I definitely knew something was up.
The boxes of cereal bars were empty (but still stacked so first glance there is non missing), all the chocolate had gone, the biscuits had been opened and eaten.

me and dh did a big clear out of their room and moved the furniture around. We found all the evidence, evidence which included loads of fridge snacks too. Frubes, cheesestring, baby bell which the wax has got stuck in the carpet.
I was so pissed off i took the kids Xmas money and have been using it to replace the items for DHs lunch only. The kids are having no treats in their lunch and I'm only buying fruit.

The reason we do a big shop is because I don't drive so I get a taxi once a month to keep costs down. (it's cheaper to shop at aldi and pay £10 once a month than shop in sainsburies every week, so I bulk buy aldi and top up at the more expensive shop) The kids have obviously been doing this for some time as there was so much rubbish behind and under the wardrobe.

It's been 2 weeks since I took their money but I feel so guilty. They only get a little bit (it was £40 between them) and they are only 9 and 10 but, also they stole a month's worth of treats for everyone (dh works in a physical job so he gets easy bars he can stick I his pocket, sometimes he is doing a 12 hour shift, very labour intensive and no chance to nip to mcdonalds)

I'm going back and forth between
'actions have consequences' and
'kids will be kids'

I don't even know if the lesson has sunk in because they have been eating loads of fruit instead now which is better but obviously costs more than chocolate bars and the price if everything is going up I'm wondering if I'm being too harsh

Yabu - give the money back
Yanbu - they should pay for the food they took

Sleepingdtandingup, my kidsdont really eat whole bags or packs of anything large, so no that scenario would be rare

I wouldn't refer to them stealing or take their christmas money but would explain that once these snacks are gone they're gone and won't be replaced until the next big shop.

My parents did a big shop, once a month - we lived in a tiny village with no shop within miles, apart from a mobile shop (a small van) that came once a week and had a very limited selection, at a higher price, of course.

So we saw the treat foods coming into the house in bulk, but we also knew they had to last a month, and couldn’t be easily replaced, so we only ate what we were allowed to eat. We resisted temptation - although, to be fair Fear of Mum did outweigh the temptation of biscuits and pick and mix.

This exactly.

I shopped once a week and the treat stuff was freely available on the basis that it could only be eaten once and wouldn’t get replaced until next week.

The teenage years were a nightmare because growing teenage boys are bottomless pits. The fridge seemed to be emptied almost as fast as I could fill it. Mine was ravenous all the time but particularly on return from school, three bowls of cereal at that time was par for the course.

Swap the snacks for fruit and stuff and let them fill their boots.

bit tight making them pay for their own snacks. You’re the parent you should be buying their food . Down to you what you provide but I’d rather mine stuffed fruit than sweets.

and no I’m not one of those mothers that their kids don’t have sweets, we have treats if they want more they can buy it out their pocket money I’m not paying for them to be hyper active lunatics !

Fear of Mum! Yes indeed. I love my Mum and Dad very much but they were very much in charge when I was growing up and one of the things that kept us in line was the knowledge that if we broke the house rules there would be consequences, much stricter than anything mentioned in the OP. Some posters have reacted as if she has locked her children in bare rooms and fed them on dry crusts and rainwater instead of restricting her children's packed lunches to a simple sandwich and apple for a time.

Where did I say that I emotionally associate rewards with unhealthy foods or suggest any other disordered eating types of behaviour? I just said I don’t think it’s a good idea in an obesity crisis where statistically 1 in 5 children are either overweight or obese that’s it’s a good idea for all children to have free range to unhealthy snacks, it’s common sense. The most commonly given reason by medical professionals for children being so overweight is that children are living in families where they are allowed to consume too much unhealthy food along side too little exercise. Too many parents cannot say no to their children when it comes to many things, including unhealthy food choices. This wasn’t actually the point of my comment on the post but as you’re insistent on picking apart my words, then so we shall. Weight gain is scientific - consuming more calories than you burn off. Unhealthy, processed foods are a leading cause of weight gain so for most people it’s a good idea to educate parents and children alike and for many children who are impulsive, ND, and so on it’s a good idea to keep an eye on what their consuming. I didn’t say completely restrict and satanise junk food at all. My child has no unhealthy associations with junk food and as I said eats all types of food and was never denied it but given a chance when he was younger would have eaten multiple chocolate bars in a row if he had been allowed because that is kids. PPs have also shared similar experiences as children so clearly I can’t be as wrong as you claim. There are children who are denied food or live in a Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory style life which is wrong and nowhere near what I ever implied so how about you stop claiming I’ve said things or insinuated things that I haven’t because it’s getting quite ridiculous. I implied most parents certainly that I know, who know how to correctly use boundaries in the sense of being able to appropriately say no to their child will do so. Or a lot of kids would endlessly choose to eat rubbish all day. Some won’t but most will because that is what children do. Not because they’re evil little creatures of mischief by nature and will all grow up to be thiefs but because they are children. If they didn’t, we wouldn’t be in the middle of an obesity crisis. My point was that in my opinion I didn’t think the OP was wrong in being annoyed that her children ate a months worth of snacks in one go when there were fruit and other healthier options available. To add to one of your comments earlier my terminology was off my point about babybels not being “real cheese”. I was under the impression that they were still processed rubbish like they were from years ago, however I now stand corrected.

Everyone saying just let them eat all the treats in one go and then do without - would you really like your kids to eat a multipack of chocolate bars or crisps? It's not exactly good parenting to encourage kids to gorge

She does buy their food! She also buys the adults' food. The children ate all of it. They ate their own month's allocation of snacks and they also ate their parents' month's allocation of snacks. The OP's husband is putting in long hours on a very physical job a long way from any shops or fast food outlets so this is an inconvenience for him, an incovenience for him or OP who will have to make time to buy more food, and an unexpected strain on the budget.

They only do it once or twice. The misery of an entire week with no treat items soon cures them. I did the same with Easter eggs, Christmas chocolate and birthday goodies. Natural consequences.

Budgiegirl, what I mean is, we have plenty of snacks in our house, but my kids aren't big snackers, so no, the snacks don't get eaten, sometimes yes when friends come round, or the grown ups! then I just buy more

But what if your kids were snackers? What if you couldn’t afford to keep buying more? What if you were concerned they were filling up on junk and not eating a balanced diet? Would you restrict certain foods then? Of course you would! Surely any parent would?

This. I find it hard to believe that there’s many parents that are happy for their kids to eat as much junk in one sitting as they want. Surely this is just encouraging binge eating?

Snacky food is so easy to eat lots of. It's not filling, its in attractive packaging, its sweet and moreish. Its literally designed to make you want more of them, so I feel its a bit harsh to punish children for eating them. I just would have a radical re-think, as a family, about how you eat. When I was a ravenous teen I remember my Mum had bowls of nuts and dried fruit dotted about all over the house, and we ate loads of that. Spoonfuls of peanut butter. Unlimited access to fruit and veg. Plenty of meat to make sandwiches with in the fridge. Three decent meals a day with a hot pudding in the evening. I think just take all the shiny enticing packaged things away and increase the size of meals, plus healthier snacks.

I’m don’t buy multi packs of crisps and chocolate!

There will be some chocolate but not loads. No crisps. Maybe some flapjack. But they’ll just as happily eat bowls of cereal and yoghurts.

Surely this is just encouraging binge eating?

Nope. The reverse. If they eat it all at once there’s nothing for the rest of the week. It discourages it.

This thread is bonkers. Some children only eat when they're hungry, in which case a system where they have unrestricted access to any food they fancy is fine. Some children cannot and would just eat and eat and eat. Sometimes for emotional reasons/boredom, but for many children (and adults) it's just a case of really loving the taste of food and not having an 'off' button. In that case, they need the adults in their lives to retain some control of what and when they eat to keep them healthy.

All the posters saying how can you possibly say that children can't help themselves to food in their own home- you clearly haven't got children without an 'off' switch. I would have eaten to the point of obesity (and did) if allowed constant access to food- I have clear memories of just eating slice after slice of plain bread as a kid, probably seven or eight in a row. Not hungry, because it was there.

OP, it sounds like you're making sensible rules for the children you have. Others may have different rules because their children are different.

Can’t imagine thinking of Dd eating food that is also for her in her home as stealing. I would just say “well thats it for the month then, no money for anymore” certainly wouldn’t punish her.

Also stop buying so much shite. I can’t be left alone with a packet of biscuits so it’s not surprising kids can’t either.

My skinny-as-a-rake 11 year old DS eats a hot lunch and snack at school, hash browns/sausage roll/toastie plus crisps when he gets in, full dinner and often another snack before bed. These are the growing years - they’re like gannets! By all means limit to healthy foods, but that does not sound enough for a growing pre-teen.

This post and the replies have made me reflect on my own situation. My 9 year old son is autistic and is constantly snacking, I've been told by the professionals that it's a normal part of autism for some kids, but he is ballooning and my pleas to his dad (who does the weekly shop) to stop buying garbage fall on deaf ears, because he shows love with treats.
Rather than getting frustrated at my son for 'scavenging' when it isn't his fault, I'm thinking just to have an abundance of veggies and fruit prepared and ready at all times, and get serious with the OH about cooling it with the jammy dodgers and crisps. Its ultimately up to us as parents to gatekeep what our kids put in their bellies, but saying 'no' to all snacks when a child is hungry is plain wrong. He can eat piles of carrots and melon for all I care.

You said on one post “you’d considering a child eating three oranges just as bad” what do you mean - talk to your kids - they maybe hungry - or do you have issues with food?

But some posters are saying if it all gets eaten they just buy more.
Also they aren’t just eating their share they’ve had dad and mums share too. So large quantities of snacks over and above what was bought for one person.
If I’ve bought a box of crisps for the month I’d be thoroughly unimpressed if one child had eaten the lot day 1. So child 2, mum and dad get none. It’s rude and greedy.

Sorry, but it was bonkers to take their Christmas money.

Awww poor little things! They ate the food in the cupboard and the fridge. That's normal isn't it? I guess they were hungry. I think u were pretty harsh OP. It's hardly stealing if it's freely available in the fridge and cupboard. Had you explicitly said to them - you mustn't eat x, y and z? And let them know what they could have instead of they felt hungry? Kids get v v hungry!!

The desire for the foods the OP is referring to and others are referring to as 'junk' also have a lot of heavy marketing attached to them, particularly marketing that appeals to children. If it is restricted then the emotional response of the child to that food is much more heightened, compared with a child who does not have things locked away. I would say hiding wrappers under your wardrobe is quite an extreme action to take, eating as much as they did in a few days suggests that they have elevated its significance in their life. Suggesting that people are liars because no child with open access to food would choose anything other than a plate of skittles, clearly does not understand how self regulation comes about, clue, not by making something the forbidden fruit.

My eldest likes a bit of junk but that is joining in with others, now at 15 he wants to snack or eat really good quality stuff. He costs me a fortune as his sweet tooth has declined and he rejects biscuits as a snack, doesn't like crisps he likes homemade salsa (only homemade) crab pate, hates beige food, basically he's starting to hate all cheap junk and otbis cheap if you compare it to fresh bread and crab pate as a snack! Yesterday on an inset day he went out and bought mussels for lunch. My youngest has more of a sweet tooth but her brother did at her age but she gets sick of biscuits and junk which I tell her to eat if I'm working late and asks when I'm going to be home to cook proper food. Her friend is obsessed with sweets and her Mum is so strict about it that in the past the friend has blamed DD and said they aren't hers. Come to think of it, DD says she hides sweet wrappers in her room. It is the 'forbidden fruit' theory in action.