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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to give up Narnia?

374 replies

dobermeister · 21/03/2023 10:48

When DD was a toddler I created a Narnia in her room. Basically there was an adjoining room from her bedroom, I removed the door, put a wardrobe on either side, and made the other room into Narnia. It has snowy woodland painted on all the walls, a bookcase, cushions on the floor and is basically a “snug”. DD adores in still and is always in there.

DH now wants to get rid of Narnia and turn it into a storeroom for DDs stuff. This is totally unnecessary as we have 3 other spare bedrooms as well as a cellar.

DD wants to keep Narnia. DH thinks it’s babyish and a waste of space as her bedroom is already a big room.

His issue is that his kids don’t have stuff like this at their mum’s house but that’s not mine or DDs fault is it?!

What do you think?

OP posts:
curious79 · 22/03/2023 10:40

It sounds amazing. How lovely!
Doesn't sound like it's getting in anyone's way so I reckon he needs to Foxtrot Oscar.
If the room is needed for 'storage' sounds like some decluttering and charity shop gifting is most in order

BeginningToLookALotLike · 22/03/2023 10:41

Your daughter is very lucky to have such a caring, imaginative mum. I would keep standing up for her and #SaveNarnia

purpledalmation · 22/03/2023 10:47

Bandanadrama · 21/03/2023 10:50

Depends how old she is.

No it doesnt. It depends on what she wants.

Itsgottobeme · 22/03/2023 10:47

LanaDelRaybans · 21/03/2023 11:04

I'm not 34 years of age on my day off staring at a massive wardrobe wondering if I can make it into a snug. Not me...

Not in my 30s and wondering ad I look at the wall into next door whether he really needs his office?😁

drspouse · 22/03/2023 10:47

Also blatantly only here for the photo. #keepnarnia

christmasgeek · 22/03/2023 10:50

Please don't get rid of this; even as a teen I would have loved this! It sounds amazing!

Mutabiliss · 22/03/2023 10:52

If DD still loves it of course you don't get rid of it. What a horrible man.

Grrrrdarling · 22/03/2023 10:55

dobermeister · 21/03/2023 11:02

Exactly! When I told him to decorate their rooms he said it just looks like we’re showing off!?

Show quote history

Hope what I have put here makes sense. It sounds like there is more going on than the bedroom decoration with regards the step kids.
It sounds like the step kids might not be feeling part of the family & your DH is possibly projecting this inadequacy he feels onto you & he maybe needs some help to pull things onto a more positive footing in the family unit at your home.
Your DH is completely out of order putting all this on you though & making you feel guilty for decorating the child you share’s child’s how you wanted to - it sounds amazing & as yourself & DD love it DH is overruled - but telling him to decorate your stepkids rooms how he wants to isn’t the same as you both working as a family unit to make the step children feel part of the family, when they are at your house, that was created when you got with their dad.
As a step parent you take responsibility for those inherited kids as well, like they are your children, even though you didn’t birth them.

Does your DH struggle with creativity or is he unwilling/unable to decorate the ‘guest rooms’ in ways that reflect the personalities of the step kids with you or is he just unwilling to get stuck in & help you with decorating the rooms?

Sounds like you & your DH need to have a serious conversation about responsibility for family cohesion & you both need to get on the same page.
He is out of order for saying the bedroom is rubbing things in anyone’s face or babyish because Narnia, like Harry Potter, is pretty ageless & he could work with you & the step kids to personalise their rooms more if he wanted to.

I may have completely missed the mark but after reading the comments & your replies this is how I have read into what has been said.

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 22/03/2023 11:07

Your DH is a miserable fun sponge. Keep Narnia!

GreatGardenstuff · 22/03/2023 11:14

If she’s still using it and enjoying it, then it stays. Until there’s a real and practical necessity for it to change, why on earth would you take it away from her??

TheIsleOfTheLost · 22/03/2023 11:18

Getting rid of something she likes because another child doesn't have it is madness. Kids aren't all clones living identical lives. You say they have rooms, so he can jog on.

Cassiehopes · 22/03/2023 11:23

I am 33 and I can honestly say I am not too old to want (and actually need, now I think about it) a small cozy Narnia room. Do NOT get rid of it!!!

Dreamstate · 22/03/2023 11:40

Pictures please

daisychain01 · 22/03/2023 11:51

I wonder if the OP will come back with a photo ....

GatoradeMeBitch · 22/03/2023 11:53

His issue is that his kids don’t have stuff like this at their mum’s house but that’s not mine or DDs fault is it?

No it isn't, and you need to make that clear. Also if this is how his mind works, I hope your will is watertight. Don't assume that if he inherits your house he would be fair.

And the first comment being "depends how old she is"... It doesn't matter if she's 45. If she still likes her bonus room and her mother - who made it for her - also likes it, why should it be taken down on the say-so of a petty and inadequate man? "If my X don't have something no-one else should have it" suggests a petty and inadequate character. A happy secure person wouldn't try to ruin things that make other people happy.

ChristmasLightsAndSparkles · 22/03/2023 11:53

Please keep Narnia. Don't let your DD lose something she values out of your husband's sheer spite. I assume he's not her father, since I simply can't imagine someone doing that to their own child.

ChristmasLightsAndSparkles · 22/03/2023 11:59

yy to making a will, and leaving your estate to your daughter. Choose family members (your side of the family) to be trustees for your daughter.

I've heard of too many 16 year olds being made homeless when their step dad sold the family home and didn't make them welcome in their new house (often with new wife)

HurryShadow · 22/03/2023 12:03

Definitely not OP's responsibility, so, as the older kids are teens, can you ask them whether they'd like to make a stamp on their own rooms? Give them the responsibility/option for changing decor/putting up their own pictures, etc?

Even better, do it unprompted in front of DH and when one of them says "I'd love that - can we paint the walls bright blue?", say "Of course... DH... can you take them to B&Q to look at some paint samples, then arrange for it to be done?"

NailsForBreakfastTacksForSnacks · 22/03/2023 12:04

I've often sat in bed mulling over the idea of blocking up the en suite door and having a secret entrance in via the built in wardrobe. Sort of an en suite narnia.
Up until this thread I'd convinced myself it was a daft idea but now I'm not so sure.

Liorae · 22/03/2023 12:13

HurryShadow · 22/03/2023 12:03

Definitely not OP's responsibility, so, as the older kids are teens, can you ask them whether they'd like to make a stamp on their own rooms? Give them the responsibility/option for changing decor/putting up their own pictures, etc?

Even better, do it unprompted in front of DH and when one of them says "I'd love that - can we paint the walls bright blue?", say "Of course... DH... can you take them to B&Q to look at some paint samples, then arrange for it to be done?"

I really doubt that older teens who rarely visit will be interested in "making a stamp" on the rooms they very occasionally stay in their father's house.

ALLIS0N · 22/03/2023 12:16

dobermeister · 21/03/2023 10:59

We have an outbuilding which is used as a big store room so storage isn’t as issue.

His kids rarely visit now as they’re late teens but they have a double bedroom each when they do visit. Admittedly they’re not decorated as “their” rooms, they’re just generic guest rooms but that’s on DH. I told him to decorate them when his kids were younger but he couldn’t be arsed.

Ah so your Dd has a lovely room which you made for her and he wants to destroy it.

And his kids only have generic rooms because he CBA to do for his kids what you did for yours.

ladymaiasura · 22/03/2023 12:18

Keep it for as long as your child wants it! It sounds amazing and you are doing a wonderful thing by nurturing her imagination.

(I’m now sitting pondering how I could make this work in my house…)

viques · 22/03/2023 12:18

If I build a Narnia will Mr Tumnus come…..

Lovelyveg80 · 22/03/2023 12:31

Op has steadfastly ignored the question of how old her daughter is.

consequently I’m guessing… early thirties? 😂

either way… the op and her dh don’t seem to like each other very much let alone love one another. So if the OP really wants to provide a nice environment for her DD she might want to start thinking about her marriage

pointythings · 22/03/2023 12:59

@Lovelyveg80 in all serious, in what sense do you mean that? Are you basically saying that OP should appease her husband on a point where he is being manifestly unreasonable? They have enough storage space. The husband could have chosen to make his DCs' rooms at their house lovely and chose not to do it. The DD loves her Narnia space. How is taking it off her going to do anything but create more resentment when he has so many options to make things better himself? And why is it always up to the woman?