Neighbour rang the police on us!

[Lonelymum27]

Miss busy body next door has just called the police on us! 10 minute argument and I went off upstairs to bed with DS. We’re both absolutely knackered DS isn’t sleeping so this has taking a toll on us and this is what caused the argument.

she’s rang the police on a few people on the estate before over nothing really,nothing I’d get worked up about.

police have just came banging down our doors and windows blue lights shouting police !gave us the shock of our lives left within minutes as they seen we was fine.

We feel absolutely humiliated now! AIBU to go round in the morning or should I just leave it?

Oh goodness, that sounds really hard. Have you got any advice or support from anyone regards your child waking up so often? Maybe it's something that could be resolved.

All that means is you sit and simmer with an awkward atmosphere for hours/days. Have an argument, say your piece, move on. I've been with my husband 18 years, very happy, but we'll air our annoyances. Not everyone is a silently stew type. My parents were and it sometimes went on days, v annoying as a child. They've been happily married over 45 years, but I do remember their silent treatment fallouts and the awkward atmosphere.

I rang the police on my neighbours last week when they were having a screaming match. They’re always rowing as it is and recently they’ve put the house on the market and I hope to Christ it’s because they’re getting divorced.

Thing is, they might just be shouty people, but there comes a point where shouting and screaming and in this case banging makes you worry about what really is going on next door.

I was amazed at how fast the police arrived actually, two cars in about five minutes.

Of course everyone argues, and everyone reaches a point where things get too much.

But if you’re screaming at each other to the extent the neighbours are calling the police then you need to take a step back and ask yourself whether this is a healthy relationship. Because odds are that it’s not.

Sleep deprivation is horrific. I have a child with autism and epilepsy and there have been days when neither my husband or I have had much sleep, maybe a couple of hours out of 48 hours.
We have had disagreements, and the odd hissing at each other, but we have never shouted at each other on 15 years for more than a fast outburst. 10 minutes is actually a very long time to be shouting, even when sleep deprived. It’s not nice for others to hear, especially children who need to feel secure in their own homes.

I don’t think it’s “nutso” to be able to resolve differences with someone that you love and respect by having a warm and kind conversation about the problem at a normal volume.

Who says we sit and stew? We argue, we just don't do it at the top of our lungs

@MysteryBelle

You remember the cream carpet and cream leather sofa. In your high chair. Maybe you threw down a hand mirror and broke it and that’s why your mother was crying.

You realise you're now taking the piss out of someone sharing something they find really upsetting and traumatic? Nice.

🙄 oh my, your language. I don’t believe for a minute that you never raise your voice.

You all are jumping on the op and that seems t be ok with you. Look how you’re arguing with her. That makes me doubt your claims about yourselves in real life.

Nope my neighbours are reasonable people with young children and guess what?
Sometimes they argue too.
My kids have heard an argument or two as well and while it's not ideal, we don't live in lala land. They are aware that disagreements happen, sometimes frustration gets the better of us and we lose our cool. We have a shout occasionally, never any violence. There is lots of laughter love and joy in our house but we are very real and I'm not raising my kids to think that arguments don't happen.

Well said.

@MysteryBelle

🙄 oh my, your language. I don’t believe for a minute that you never raise your voice.

My language? I said piss, haven't even sworn 😂

Someone can have strong opinions and not shout at people. They aren't mutually exclusive.

I think it's bizarre you keep saying people are lying if they don't agree with you or say something that's alien to you.

I've acknowledged lots of people are fine with shouting at each other and that I don't think it necessarily means they have a toxic, bad relationship.

All I've said to you repeatedly is that some people don't do it and that it wouldn't work for them. That it's possible not to do it.

Saying I must be lying is really odd.

Love this! Thank you.

This.

If you’re going round to say you hadn’t realised you could be overheard and that you are glad to know she cares enough to phone the police for your and LO’s protection, then I think that’s a fine idea.

I know you’re finding her overbearing but it doesn’t sound like you’re necessarily thinking about how your actions affect her. It might be that your neighbour is an anxious person, or excessive shouting frightens her. I had an abusive childhood and when I hear men scream I get panicked; the man next door loses his temper sometimes and I can actually feel a physical fight or flight kick in. I wouldn’t call the cops but I hate it.

Personally I’d use it as a chance to reassure her and thank her for looking out for you, one day you might be glad of her.
If it’s as you suggest and she’s constantly doing it vexatiously the police will soon get her number.

acamh.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jcpp.12893

ok

Sorry you’re having a hard time OP but lots of us have young kids who don’t sleep and yet we are able to conduct ourselves in ways that doesn’t involve a shouting match with our husband which is loud enough to wake the neighbour. I thought most couples had heated whispers so it didn’t wake the other kids in the house and the fact your older kids slept through says to me this is a regular occurrence.

I'm guessing your baby is disturbing her all day and night too and now your arguing at the top of the stairs has pushed her over the edge. Maybe this is her way of saying "I can hear every noise coming from your house. Shut up please."

You were loud enough for her to hear, you know she has done this before and according to you it is not out of concern

And you say she is in the wrong?

Yes 👍🏻

Lol, that would be me! I feel so sorry for native Australians who have Arachnophobia.

March/April, and Setember/October, are awful in my house, and I live in England - I have just had to look over my shoulder now and check all the walls, eurgh... If I see one you may well here the scream wherever you are!

I do have sympathy with the OP, lack of sleep is horrendous, and she and her partner could do with some calm outside agency to offer advice on how to cope in their situation - basically if there are two of you, you need to come up with someway that each of the adults can get an absolute minimum of 4 hours uninterrupted sleep a night, preferably 6 hours, which would still leave 12 hours for the one who is working (I'm presuming here that Mum is still on Maternity leave).

This is the realism of having children. I know that millions have done so since Homo Sapians first evolved, but we used to live in tight knit communities, where everyone helped each other, it is only relatively recently that new families have had to find a way to struggle on with no other help.
So I really hope that the OP and her partner can get some real help either with somehow managing to sort out a workable - and almost certainly temporary - timetable between themselves, or preferably with the help of extended family if there are any available. I think that not knowing if, or when, you are ever going to get another proper sleep, is an absolute ball breaker.

Thank you @ijustwannahaveagoodnight for that link, I haven't finished the full article yet, but as a woman in my 60's who grew up in a (middle class - I think that that distinction could have some importance in the cause and effect in my own childhood) small family unit, where my parents argued far too much, and where my father was frighteningly scary - he used to say things to my mum, which I took to mean to me also, but "even" if he was "only" referring to my mum, that was just as bad. He used to tell us that during the war he was taught how to kill anther grown man, quickly and efficiently, with just his bare hands. He never, in my presence anyway, actually said that therefore if neither my mum or I behaved "well" then he could do the same to us, but that is how I took it - I don't think I have ever told anyone that before, I certainly never talked about it with my mum, but that article might help to partly explain why I have at least some of my illnesses and disabilities today.

It is so very scary how we can screw up our children's lives without even being aware that we are doing so. None of us know the OP's own history, on top of having to deal with crucifying tiredness, so maybe we should all be trying to be more supportive towards her, while still gently trying to point out how, when, and why, we think that some of what she is thinking is probably unreasonable.

I feel for you @Lonelymum27 . Also your username sounds like you are quite sad.

My neighbours knew to call the police if they heard me screaming after one time I was hospitalised.

Are you happy in your relationship? Genuine question based on your username.

No they don't. 3 police officers at mine. Checked on DD. Removed person from house. No referral whatsoever.

Honestly mumsnet has always been full of judgy people but there used to be a nice batch of genuinely helpful ladies that always pitched in and said some positive things.

But the past few months it's gotten really bad. I've noticed some usernames that seen to be linked to likely a group of people and they seem to intentionally ask trap questions that turn threads dark and become derailed.

When I noticed the pattern and stopped replying to said usernames I've had a user chase me on a previous username and essentially harass me on my threads asking no DEMANDING I answer their trap question. If I didn't answer they insisted it was proof I was a bad person.

The mods are useless and told me it was not against guidelines and essentially made me feel the only option is to accept the harassment or demand the threads be taken down.

Not saying that is what happened with this thread but just that I know how you feel OP. Mumsnet is not fun anymore.

I can't be myself here like I used to be able to.

I feel my character is always called into question for things that are really overblown. I now keep my threads light and I've been slowly pulling away.

I've already deleted my main mumsnet account and I'm planning to delete this one too rather soon.

The community here is not what it used to be sadly. Sorry that you are dealing with it too.