Nanny needing break

[Cousinmuffin]

I am an after school nanny so don’t work enough hours during the week to require a break - all fine. Although sometimes I do full days during strikes, half terms, weekends etc. On those days 99% of the time, the parents still are WFH but never offer me a quick 10 minute ‘go for a walk’ breather.

child in is KS1 and struggles on these days knowing their parents are home but not playing with them and as I am so familiar to them, they will often be a lot more challenging in the delivery of these emotions than say they would to their teacher. It’s not often but sometimes I do get overwhelmed and really wish I could step away for a minute. AIBU to think I should be able to do this?

I know in reality I won’t because it feels far too awkward to ask a parent to step off the computer for 10 minutes when the child has been getting more frustrated and pushing boundaries for an hour because at the end of the day it is my job?

A quick mention, I love this child honestly and enjoy my time with them. This is just on full days where they get emotional that parent is home but not able to give them their time.

Oh… the kids loved it… they just didn’t ever want him to return to his computer! He was also rubbish at it and very easily distracted, maybe that didn’t help!

See that's me... Mummy please do X with us . Oh ok I can spare 5 mins... 😂

And I think I speak for most nannies when I say this has the potential to drive us bonkers…

I have a 6yo who absolutely loves our nanny/ housekeeper and I'm very mindful of her having at least 15-20min a day to have some peace. I had a chat to my ds that she needs a bit of time to herself and he's completely fine. In fact he uses that as his screen time. I do think 9-10 hours a day with a child of that age, you can get a small break of time without expecting parents to cover it. Get him to do a bit of reading or set up an activity?

My ex nanny family were a bloody nightmare but they did allow me to put on a film when I was doing a long day with the kids, that certainly helped. I would allow the same if I had a nanny. Whatever anyone says, it's incredibly difficult work being 'on' for up to 12 hours with no break. At that age, it's important that the child entertains themselves for a while too.
I remember one of my hardest jobs was an after school role with an extremely talkative 8 year old boy who just wanted to role play star wars all afternoon/evening. It became soul destroying and made me realise I was more suited to looking after several children or just girls. I'm not the type who enjoys kicking a ball around or playing fighting games...

You'll be happy to know I don't have a nanny, I only WFH very briefly during lockdowns and my husband was he childcare while I worked 😂

It's up to you to set your working boundaries. It doesn't sound like you have discussed this with the parents so what do you expect ? When I pay a childminder (because I'm physically out at work)..she doesn't get a break like what you're describing. So if I paid her to child mind whilst I worked from home,it wouldn't cross my mind either. If she wanted a break...and actually asked for one, then fine. But parents aren't mind readers. Nanny's usually don't get breaks like that, if you want one...spell it out

And once DC knows all they need to do is create enough racket and they will get time with DPs, do you think it will stop at once a day ?

The issue is the WFH,not the lack of break. You could ask the DPs if they are able to work away from sight, or indeed go into the office. I'd find that a more reasonable request than breaking off from my work - you do realise most professionals don't get to take a lunch break these days, they're lucky if they get to pee.

I need to focus as much on my work at home as I do in the office. I'm often in hearings so it's not as easy as just 'stepping ssayIf I could I wouldn't be paying for childcare and I'd look after my children myself. So yes I think it's unreasonable and honestly if someone kept asking me this I would send them to nursery instead so that I wouldn't be interrupted.

If you can’t settle one child into an activity or even 10 minutes of TV to give you a break the. You shouldn’t be working full days as a nanny. Nannies the length of the country do that day in and day out

'Stepping away from the computer' that was supposed to say

Try his is a strange one .. I used a nanny when the lads were small and she did fairly long days. I didn't work from home so would have had to pop home from work to give you a break from
One child so you gave a 'proper break I'm sure it was tiring for her but later as kids went to Playschool etc she had hours to herself which worked out over time.

I think you expecting the parents to pop out from their work which would be really disruptive for the child .
I'll ask them to colour a picture abs air myself down with a cuppa while they do.

The problem is that most parents simply won’t allow the nanny to plonk the kids in front of a screen for 1/2 hour or so. Some families have strict rules about screen time, kids often allowed screen only at the weekends. Parents let the kids watch the screen endlessly during the weekend but when the nanny is around during the weekdays different rules apply. That’s why lots of nannies can’t have a break for 10-12 hours. It’s especially tougher when parents work from home because they would catch this rule being broken at any minute when coming out of their office randomly.

Not allowing 30 mins CBeebies so Nanny can sit down with a cup of tea once during a 12 hour shift is an absolute joke.

The families that ban TV altogether tend to have smaller kids (babies and toddlers) who nap anyway. I would be surprised if there are many families with primary age children who ban screens completely in the week during holidays. And I imagine that it’s one of the key questions experienced nannies ask before taking a job so I doubt it’s normally an issue.

I always applied the rule that I wouldn’t expect anything from my nanny that I couldn’t manage myself - and that definitely would include a full day of childcare with no TV or nap time as a break!

I do agree though there are some people who expect more from a nanny than they would from themselves as parents, “because she’s being paid”. They’re not great employers IMO.

Yeah that would be a problem! If I couldn't utilise 2 episodes of bing and a half hour of switch games with my 2 kids I'd lose my mind by bedtime. I think it would be reasonable to ask if it's ok to allow a TV show or whatever. Also unpopular as this opinion may be, kids need downtime too.

Have you tried a visual timer? Tell the child "I'm going to sit down with a cup of tea, when the timer finishes I'll do X activity with you". Unless they have SEN they should understand this.

As this is your job, you're entitled to a 20 min break if you're working more than 6 hours. You need to outline this to them. 20 mins at a suitable time during the day.

https://www.nannypaye.co.uk/working-time-regulations#:~:text=Domestic%20employees%2C%20including%20nannies%2C%20are,for%20every%20six%20hours%20worked.

@Elaina87 - how does that work for most nannies who are sole charge? Most nannies are the only adult around whilst parents at work, from say 8am-6.30pm, there is no one to give a full 20 min break.

Is it difficult for a good, experienced nanny to find work? Are there a lot more nannies looking for jobs than positions available? Because unless this is the case, I'm very surprised at the thinking that people in this role should put up with conditions that would be unreasonable and unlawful in other jobs. A trip to a coffee shop with full responsibility for the children is not a break. Neither is ten mnutes keeping your fingers crossed no one needs anything while you have a cup of tea. If your employer values you OP and would find it difficult to replace you, it should be possible to negotiate something of what you want.

But how would breaks work if the parents don’t work from home? How would you expect a break to be covered if the nanny is in sole charge? You don’t hire a second nanny for half an hour a day just to cover the break of the full time nanny 🤷🏼‍♀️

It isn’t difficult for good nannies to find jobs but I think most potential employers would be bemused by this request. Nannies usually have a break when a child sleeps or if an older child watches tv for a bit. If a nanny just needed to get away for ten minutes like this, I would question if she was coping.

There are many 30min ‘educational’ videos or programmes that might be okayed by parents who are conscious about screen time and they will also give you a break. Spelling, language, cooking, art etc…. If you can make a well-argued case for them.