Nanny needing break

[Cousinmuffin]

I am an after school nanny so don’t work enough hours during the week to require a break - all fine. Although sometimes I do full days during strikes, half terms, weekends etc. On those days 99% of the time, the parents still are WFH but never offer me a quick 10 minute ‘go for a walk’ breather.

child in is KS1 and struggles on these days knowing their parents are home but not playing with them and as I am so familiar to them, they will often be a lot more challenging in the delivery of these emotions than say they would to their teacher. It’s not often but sometimes I do get overwhelmed and really wish I could step away for a minute. AIBU to think I should be able to do this?

I know in reality I won’t because it feels far too awkward to ask a parent to step off the computer for 10 minutes when the child has been getting more frustrated and pushing boundaries for an hour because at the end of the day it is my job?

A quick mention, I love this child honestly and enjoy my time with them. This is just on full days where they get emotional that parent is home but not able to give them their time.

I do wonder if people would expect other professions to not have a break within a 9 hour shift. Or just because it’s childcare I shouldn’t expect the parents to come out on their lunch and relieve me for a bit?

I think it’s also far fetched to suggest I’m in the wrong line of work for wanting 10 minutes out of 9 hours to myself but thanks for replies anyway

This isn’t the type of job where you get an official break by yourself.

I work in an SEND school.
All of my breaks are taken with the children and I’ll do extra work like marking etc whilst they are eating or playing.

Some jobs don’t allow you to have a proper break.

If you are getting overwhelmed it may be better for you to change your career.

Why not a nursery or something where there are other staff members around?

I don’t think anyone has said you shouldn’t get a break but generally nannies get their break by putting the children in front of the TV so they can have a bit of downtime.

You build a break into the day though with nannying OP. That’s really honestly very standard. Either when/if they nap, or watch half an hour of CBeebies, or if old enough when you say ‘I’m going to sit here quietly for a bit with a cup of tea, go and do your Lego/puzzle/drawing/read your book/go on your tablet.

That's how it is. Surely that’s all better than a ten minute break anyway? What good is a ten minute break?

It depends on how old the child is. If they are older, like 7+, then it’s reasonable to ask them to entertain themselves for a while. This can be colouring, reading, doing a puzzle, a bit of screen time or just playing by themselves.
Older children needing constant attention from a grown up is bad form. These children get bored easily and then always rely on an adult to come up with some idea of what to do. And whatever you suggest they just throw it back in your face if they are in a bad mood. They never explore their own imagination to stave off boredom.
It is unreasonable to require a nanny to constantly entertain an older child.

But if the parents didn’t wfh you wouldn’t even have the opportunity to ask for a break. Nannies and childminders generally don’t get one, that’s just the way it is. I factor a break in by settling the children into an activity so that I can grab a cuppa. It doesn’t always work but I make do. Sometimes I’ll stick the TV on for 10 minutes if the kids need a little down time too. Often, I just won’t get the chance for any sort of break and there’s only so many times I can microwave a cup of tea 🤷🏼‍♀️

If the parents look after their child during their lunch break, they wouldn't get a break themselves would they?

The parents are hiring you to cover the whole of their working day though. That's the deal. If they were working in the office rather than being wfh, you wouldn't suggest taking a lunch break by walking out of the house and leaving the kids at home by themselves. Even though they're wfh, they may be busy with meetings, calls or other commitments and, in any case, they may be contractually obliged to have childcare in place for their entire working day. That doesn't lend itself to giving you a guaranteed break, which is why most nannies try to build in a break during naptime/TV time and most reasonable parents accept this.

If you need the sort of break that requires childcare cover (for example, going for a walk/popping out for lunch), this would have been something to specify at the start of your contract so the parents were aware they always had to be available to cover at a certain time (or book a babysitter) and should ask their employers for that time off. They could then decide whether that arrangement would work for them or not.

I agree with @Fifi1010 that WFH and young kids at home with a nanny doesn't work. When my kids were toddlers I had to WFH for a while and it was just a disaster - the kids would finally settle down and then I'd come out to make a cup of tea and they'd freak out, I'd see them for lunch and they'd have to settle all over again. Finally our nanny asked me to hide while she took the children to the park and then they wouldn't realise I was upstairs on the top floor when they got back. Eventually I just went to work in Costa and then when a wework opened up nearby I went there instead.

Is there any way the parents can work from the office or a shared workspace?

I've been a nanny for over 30 years and we don't get breaks like you're suggesting. What we do get is what other people have mentioned. Depending on the age of the kids, they could be napping, at school/nursery or watching TV, that's when we take our breaks. I'm surprised you want the parents to appear throughout the day, having parents working from home is the bane of a lot of nannies lives, it certainly is mine as kids play up more when they're around, so if they have to be there, they need to keep out of the way.

No I don't think it's reasonable to ask the DPs to take over so you can have a break - chances are they won't be getting much of a break themselves from their jobs - but you could explain that the DC finds it more difficult when they are WFH. It might be easier for everyone if the DPs were able to go into their office or work somewhere else.

I've employed nannies for 5 years and when I was younger I worked as a nanny.

I wouldn't be impressed if my nanny requested this, especially for the reasons you mentioned. If you're getting overwhelmed by an eight or nine hour shift with one child then I would wonder if you were not the right person for the job.

SAHM get no break, and they don't get to walk out the door and put their feet up when their shift is over.

You need to set up an activity that gives you 10 minutes of down time, or take them for a long walk, or ask the parents if you can schedule a 30 minute tv break after lunch or something.

Why do we keep getting this pointless comparisons to SAHM?! I’m a nanny, I don’t get to ‘put my feet up’ when I walk out of the door either because - shocker- I’m a mum too!

Nanny's are sole charge of children so no you don't get a break in the full sense, just like when you have your own kids, you grab time when they are otherwise occupied

I agree that it doesn't make sense in terms of the 'SAHPs don't get breaks, why do you need a break?' argument, since nannies are employees not parents (unless they're both because they have their own children like you do). But the role of a nanny is closer to that of a SAHP than it is to a nursery worker, in that they work in a private house and have sole care of children.

If the parents weren't working from home it wouldn't be an option. They're working from home as if they were in the office.

Maybe when they get a break, they use it to have a coffee or some downtime as they've employed people to enable this

I think it’s also far fetched to suggest I’m in the wrong line of work for wanting 10 minutes out of 9 hours to myself but thanks for replies anyway but you do get down time with children. Surely no one spends 9 hours solidly entertaining children? I know I get more down time when I'm with my kids then I do when I'm working

Haven't read through whole thread but this seems more like a parent working from home issue. It adds more stress to the job which is why I never take on any roles now if a parent is at home. Been there. Done that. Never again.

I think it's the parents WFH that's the problem, not your job. I used to hate my husband WFH as it meant the children spent a lot of time whingeing about why Daddy couldn't come and talk to them. Fortunately he didn't do it very often. It's far easier to be the only adult in the house with children than it is to have present-but-not-disturbable adults. Especially if those adults are the children's parents.

I was a SAHM, but would have approached nannying in exactly the same way as SAHM-ing, namely it's your full-time job and you do it to the best of your ability, without palming the children off on someone else.

But this is the problem; parents working from home.
If they worked outside of the house the child wouldn’t be so difficult in the first place. They would be more settled and calm, easier to engage with. The parents wouldn’t come downstairs to the living room/kitchen EXACTLY when the nanny is having a 10 min break on the sofa with a mug of tea in her hand.

Also this thread is quite infuriating to read. Nannying is NOT like being a SAHM. Shows how childcare workers are so undervalued.
OP, I also wouldn't advise working in nurseries if you are at present feeling overwhelmed as it's a whole different ballgame in terms of stress and of course the pay is laughable.
You say you work with just the one child, maybe finding a new family with 2 kids will be easier. I always found it more challenging just having the one kid. The 2 help entertain themselves although of course you get more bickering etc. Just something to consider anyway.

But nannies do. It comes with the job.

When our nanny started our DS was 1 years old. I offered her a break, as I thought that was what good employers did (DH and I mostly work from home). She said not to worry, she would eat her lunch with our DS , take him out for a walk with her, and relax whilst he napped. He was 1 though. With an older child with additional needs it might be more reasonable to have a break, especially if the parents work from home. It is not like he is going to nap for an hour each afternoon to give you a break. I would talk to them about it. If I were the parents I would want to know and find a solution.

I've employed two nannies in the past.

On the one hand, it's good you're putting your hands up and saying you can't cope. I had to terminate my first nanny's employment because she DIDN'T do that, and my child suffered an accident through neglect because the nanny took it upon herself to put herself first.

On the other hand, if you can't do 9 hours without a break with one child when parents are wfh, this isn't the job for you. You need to work things out so that you're out of the house until an agreed-upon lunch break that a parent can take with the child and you. The parents need to pay for classes, or you socialize with other nannies and their wards, or you take her to the playground or to ride the bus or whatever. It's more difficult in the winter but needs must. This is literally your job. Sorry.

to those suggesting nurseries , I have worked in schools, nurseries, SEN schools, you name it.

The full days isn’t what I’m usually doing. I work after school hours. Not having a break then isn’t an issue. But the days when they ask me to do full days, because they need to complete extra work on weekends etc or in half term when they’re buggered for childcare, I do believe they should factor in a break.

10 minutes for me to be completely on my own without you watching said child and make a phone call or go for a walk that isn’t in somebody else’s house still leaves them 8 hours and 50 minutes out of 9 hour shift to do their work.