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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nanny needing break

153 replies

Cousinmuffin · 20/03/2023 14:26

I am an after school nanny so don’t work enough hours during the week to require a break - all fine. Although sometimes I do full days during strikes, half terms, weekends etc. On those days 99% of the time, the parents still are WFH but never offer me a quick 10 minute ‘go for a walk’ breather.

child in is KS1 and struggles on these days knowing their parents are home but not playing with them and as I am so familiar to them, they will often be a lot more challenging in the delivery of these emotions than say they would to their teacher. It’s not often but sometimes I do get overwhelmed and really wish I could step away for a minute. AIBU to think I should be able to do this?

I know in reality I won’t because it feels far too awkward to ask a parent to step off the computer for 10 minutes when the child has been getting more frustrated and pushing boundaries for an hour because at the end of the day it is my job?

A quick mention, I love this child honestly and enjoy my time with them. This is just on full days where they get emotional that parent is home but not able to give them their time.

OP posts:
GoldenGorilla · 20/03/2023 15:36

We’ve had nannies in the past, as have our friends. Ive honestly never heard of nannies taking breaks during the working day, it’s just not the kind of job where that’s practical.

Thoughtful2355 · 20/03/2023 15:42

NO NONO ! its your job! when parents are WFH you need to act as if they arnt in the house at all, they could be out at work all day and youd have no choice either. They would be going against most companys WFH policy to let them have a break so that they can relieve a nanny for even 10 mins

Skinnermarink · 20/03/2023 15:55

My nanny kids nap so I do get a break (mostly!) it’s a 12 hour day so I need it. It’s obviously not a total break as in I’m still ‘on’ because I have two baby monitors to look at. And for some of their nap once I’ve eaten I’m doing laundry, food prep etc. That really is completely normal for this kind of job.

FYI I don’t love having the parents at home. One lockdown leftover I am not a fan of. But it is what it is.

SavBlancTonight · 20/03/2023 15:56

No, I can't believe you are even asking this. You are there to care for the children and you cannot ask the parents to "step in for 10 minutes."

what you can, and should, do is ensure that you build in a break in the form of different types of activities. Our nanny always allowed a little bit of tv/iPad time - often at the end of the day or around lunch time. Plus, unless there are SEN, a KS1 child should be perfectly able to play quietly for 15 minutes while you drink your tea (and the parents should absolutely be expecting and respecting this - not coming downstairs at that exact moment and complaining you're not engaging with the child). Again, DD was regularly sat with some blocks or some drawing or whatever while our nanny was either doing a few chores or updating social media/ drinking coffee etc.

smileladiesplease · 20/03/2023 15:58

Would you be better off working in a nursery or as a cm?

In a nursery you get a break snd other staff to help/talk to so you don't feel overwhelmed.

I was a cm for years and there are the cons of it all being in your own home but pros are you are in charge snd can run your day to suit yourself and not have to tip toe around parents all the time.

ProfessionalWeirdo · 20/03/2023 16:00

I have every sympathy with anyone who feels overworked and unappreciated, but at least nannies receive pay, recognition and time off (for holidays or illness), and if they don't like it they can quit.

SAHMs get none of that.

mindutopia · 20/03/2023 16:09

I assume if the child is in school, they are old enough to entertain themselves for a bit. Can you not just let them watch some tv or do some reading or art or take them to the playground so you can get a bit of downtime while they do whatever activity? I have 2 primary aged children (5 & 10) and I can find plenty of downtime with them. Sometimes I need to do some extra work with them in the house. Or I need to go feed farm animals outside and I leave them inside for 10-15 minutes to do that. A baby or toddler, no, but an older child should be able to entertain themselves for a period of time without constant interaction from an adult.

Endlesssummer2022 · 20/03/2023 16:14

As a parent I’d have no problem with you plonking my child in front of CBeebies for 30 so you can’t have a cup of tea or prep food etc. I wouldn’t expect you to be interacting with my child for 12 hours straight. Why don’t you ask the parents if this is ok, they may be fine with it?

MissMaple82 · 20/03/2023 16:16

Cousinmuffin · 20/03/2023 14:43

I’m not necessarily saying I want the parents to take over at the exact moment child is overwhelmed. I more meant that if I had 10 minutes to just refresh myself during the day then it wouldn’t be so challenging after 9 hours alone with child. I can manage it and do. I just suppose I didn’t think I was being unreasonable to just want 10 minutes to myself at some point of my 9/10 hour shift.

It's really not practical to expect this, they are paying you to look after this children whilst they work. If you're not coping then it's not working

MissMaple82 · 20/03/2023 16:18

ProfessionalWeirdo · 20/03/2023 16:00

I have every sympathy with anyone who feels overworked and unappreciated, but at least nannies receive pay, recognition and time off (for holidays or illness), and if they don't like it they can quit.

SAHMs get none of that.

How is that even relevant???

Time4achangeagain · 20/03/2023 16:37

OP, any nanny I have ever had has had a break in the middle of the day either while they were small enough to nap or for 30 minutes after lunch while the children watched tv if they were too old to nap? Are you not getting this break when you are doing a full day? Obviously if you’re having a day out this doesn’t happen in the same way

Hullabub · 20/03/2023 16:39

ProfessionalWeirdo · 20/03/2023 16:00

I have every sympathy with anyone who feels overworked and unappreciated, but at least nannies receive pay, recognition and time off (for holidays or illness), and if they don't like it they can quit.

SAHMs get none of that.

This just is relevant here. How do you know op wasn’t previously a stay at home mum before becoming a nanny? Caring for other peoples children is quite different than caring for your own! Do you say the same to someone in an office job who is complaining about not getting a break?

Sleepless1096 · 20/03/2023 16:42

I think it's fair that you should get some sort of break, but due to the nature of your job, I think it's up to you to build it into your day...TV time, quiet time, whatever works. I don't think you can really ask the parents to step away from their work to take over. Many jobs don't have scheduled breaks either... people will eat at their desks, go for lunch before or after a meeting or grab a coffee when it's quiet.

MysteryBelle · 20/03/2023 17:08

I’m surprised the child needs your direct attention every second? Does he or she not look away from you even for a few minutes to be absorbed in an activity, toy, tv program, nap, nothing? If it’s that full on then something is wrong. The child needs more than a nanny. If the parents are wfh, it is very strange that they don’t look in on their child or interact with him at all. It may be this in addition to not getting a break that has you at loose ends. But yes, you deserve a break in an 8, 9, 10 hour day if parents are around AND the child has special needs and so is looking at you for engagement every single second.

MysteryBelle · 20/03/2023 17:11

It wouldn’t hurt the parents to look in briefly for one minute when they get their own breaks. You’d think they’d want to say hello to their child and give a hug.

YearsOfStagnation · 20/03/2023 17:13

ProfessionalWeirdo · 20/03/2023 16:00

I have every sympathy with anyone who feels overworked and unappreciated, but at least nannies receive pay, recognition and time off (for holidays or illness), and if they don't like it they can quit.

SAHMs get none of that.

Wth. This is about a working person needing a break and whether to negotiate it with an employer. A sahm’s day is not remotely relevant to the discussion.

YearsOfStagnation · 20/03/2023 17:14

I think you need to meet other nannies so the kids can play together a bit? At least you don’t have to be focussed on this one child then as they will be distracted?

minipie · 20/03/2023 17:16

This is what TV is for!

As the parent of a rather emotional/challenging child, I have always said to my nannies I have no objection to screen time being used here and there, to allow everyone to have a rest. I have worked and been SAHM and I know that sometimes you need downtime in a full day of childcare. As does the child.

Is it perhaps that you don’t feel you can turn on the TV because they are wfh?

MysteryBelle · 20/03/2023 17:20

KaliforniaDreamz · 20/03/2023 15:17

I've not been a nanny but i have been sahm with a partner who travelled meaning rare downtime and i did get very overwhelmed. Is your charge particularly challenging?
Are you comfortable taking that breather with a cup of tea while the child is safely engaged in cbeebies or whatever? or ru worried your employer would disapprove ? Could you perhaps have a chat with them and explain that in a long day there will be moments you need to regroup and recharge and reassure that you always do that in a safe way ? It is sometimes hard to relax when you feel you might be being watched or judged but nobody should have to be 'on' for 12 hours. Obviously ensuring the child is safe while you take a break.

This is a good idea, but structure the time into your working day so it will make sense to both you and your employers. Of course you need to sit down for a few minutes! Establish quiet time for child (nap or lie down quietly for 30 minutes or so) after being outside/walk in park and lunch. Then again in afternoon, 30 minutes or so of a tv program that is approved by parents. That will give you an hour total hopefully to rest without ‘neglecting’ your job.

SaltyGod · 20/03/2023 17:25

Our nanny has some breaks during full days. She'll ask if she can grab 5 mins and will pop outside for some fresh air.

It seems reasonable and the right thing to do for me. Everyone benefits from a quick breather

Fifi1010 · 20/03/2023 17:28

Is your home suitable for the children ? Could you take them there instead? I really don't think young children and WFH mix. They don't understand why mum and dad can't be with them all the time and it feels like rejection. They haven't developed enough yet to understand.

cheatingcrackers · 20/03/2023 17:34

I used to work as an after school nanny and sometimes did full days for the same reasons as you - it would never have crossed my mind to ask for a break. The parents weren’t WFH so that’s different but I agree with PP that it’s likely to cause more harm than good being given access to parents for 10 minutes - the lines start to blur then.

Have you asked the parents about screen time (which would give you a break) - otherwise if I felt in need of a break I would insist on reading to my nanny kids or take them out to the park.

wantmorenow · 20/03/2023 17:57

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Skinnermarink · 20/03/2023 18:06

Fifi1010 · 20/03/2023 17:28

Is your home suitable for the children ? Could you take them there instead? I really don't think young children and WFH mix. They don't understand why mum and dad can't be with them all the time and it feels like rejection. They haven't developed enough yet to understand.

Nannies can’t do that. It’s not how it works. That’s childminding and OP would need to go through the whole process of becoming qualified to do that but it’s not nannying at all.

BabyTa · 20/03/2023 20:24

As other posters have said it's a very odd thing to request - the parents are WFH but they are working. They are paying what they are paying you to look after their child and it's only ad hoc/occasional, it's not like you are doing this all the time. I would take time and reflect as to whether or not this is the job for you really, you might have better luck looking after younger children who still nap or to work in a nursery or with others to give yourself that sort of break.