Nanny needing break

[Cousinmuffin]

I am an after school nanny so don’t work enough hours during the week to require a break - all fine. Although sometimes I do full days during strikes, half terms, weekends etc. On those days 99% of the time, the parents still are WFH but never offer me a quick 10 minute ‘go for a walk’ breather.

child in is KS1 and struggles on these days knowing their parents are home but not playing with them and as I am so familiar to them, they will often be a lot more challenging in the delivery of these emotions than say they would to their teacher. It’s not often but sometimes I do get overwhelmed and really wish I could step away for a minute. AIBU to think I should be able to do this?

I know in reality I won’t because it feels far too awkward to ask a parent to step off the computer for 10 minutes when the child has been getting more frustrated and pushing boundaries for an hour because at the end of the day it is my job?

A quick mention, I love this child honestly and enjoy my time with them. This is just on full days where they get emotional that parent is home but not able to give them their time.

I don’t get the wanting ten min away from house completely on your own. Is it to have a fag?

If you normally do after school then you have a bargaining chip - communicate with them now (not next time they ask) and say that you’re happy to have mary for weekends/strike days/whatever but that you both seem to find it quite full on - would they be ok with 30 minutes of tv after lunch / X paid activity / attempting to arrange a park meet up with Mary’s friend from school?

I was a nanny and never, ever had lunch or otherwise breaks even when parents were wfh.

It's just how it is and wouldn't occur to me to ask

They're not mind readers and this is an unusual request for a nanny to make. I just don't get why you'd expect them to think of it themselves when they're focused on their jobs and employing you to cover the time they're meant to be working (not that time minus 10-15 minutes). If you haven't even asked them (and won't because it's too awkward), I think it's a bit odd to be miffed that they haven't thought about it.

And if their employers are employing them to work 9 hours or whatever, it seems a bit much for you to unilaterally decide that 8 hours and 50 minutes is fine. It may be, it may not be - but they're being paid to be available the whole 9 hours.

But you don't have to do the extra hours/days. Yes, it's not usual for a nanny to have breaks in the sense that someone else is doing the childcare but if it's important to you, why not raise it with them next time they ask you to work overtime? Say "yes, I can do Tuesday but I'll need half an hour to myself at some point during 12 and 2 to do some personal stuff. Is that ok?"

Sounds like you should be refusing the full days of work. If our nanny expected me to schedule my day around her break then I'd have to let her go. I typically wfh 2 days a week and in my office 3 days a week but its not a fixed pattern and some weeks I'm in the office all week. It would throw the DC completely if I appeared in the day unexpectedly and then it would take the nanny twice as long to settle DC after I've left or worse the DC won't let me go and insist I stay for ages and play with them. If you can't cope with a 9 hour shift then don't accept the work, or find a way to create breaks for yourself as others have suggested already.

This is bollocks. Most kids understand parents going to work or having important things to do at home for short periods.
They struggle with WFH because it’s their actual parents. At home.

I would make sure parents don’t pop in the kitchen for coffee or lunch. Don’t ask questions or relieve you for half an hour. Really they should bugger off out somewhere else so everyone can get ton with their day.

As a working parent, I can't imagine not wanting to come out for lunch or a brief break myself anyway, and giving the nanny time out accordingly. It might not be possible every day, but it is strange that it never happens. DH is perfectly able to look after DS when I work, but I still pop out. I know it's cheeky to offer childcare advice to a nanny, but if the bad behaviour is afternoon and especially after playground, is the child perhaps just hungry and tired, snack and TV / stories for half an hour would be my first fix attempt.

Anyway, I think it's fine for you to say that the child is finding it hard to settle when they are working from home and you'd like to discuss options with them to reduce their child's stress. The solution could be 10 min off, or it could be something else. Ideas might include family lunch with their child, or giving you cash for an activity (go to the soft play / zoo / go ape / museum etc, maybe add a friend), more time in the park / playground including playdates, or them working at the office some days, etc.

As an employer of a nanny - I’d be really unimpressed at being asked this. Nannies should work out the ebb and flow of the day to get a chance to recharge. What could you possibly do in 10 minutes that you couldn’t work into your day while you have the child set up doing something, watching TV or on the iPad for a limited time?

Ots amusing that you have been told by everyone you are wrong, and been offered suggestions, and you still keep complaining about the parents. I assume you don't really like them?

It really begs the question why parents who employ nannies still work from home.
Are they genuinely unaware of how much nannies hate this?

Then you explain your requirements! Don’t take the job on if you cannot do it without the magical 10 minutes break. Most nannies do that day in and day out, they don’t get a proper break they just utilise a period of down time. It’s not as if you do this all the time either, it’s the few odd days here and there with the majority being after school.

the parents who employ you don’t have a crystal ball so you need to explain to them. Whether or not they factor in a break is up to them but if they don’t they’re not unreasonable.

Presumably because it works for them. I don't think it's unreasonable so long as they make their requirements clear at the interview stage. It's then up to the nanny whether to take the job or not (I wouldn't!).

Though one of my friends who is a nanny did leave her job soon after the second Covid lockdown as the parents both started wfh and it was very claustrophobic in a small house. Their loss - she's a fantastic nanny.

I think you're in the wrong job. Nannies don't get a break in the day, that is the point of them.

I have a nanny for my twins.
I work from home and take a break every day at 12 to feed my kids their lunch. My nanny takes a 30-min break to go for a walk/relax.

I'm a good employer but I'm not going to shape my day around what suits my nanny best.

She's there to make my life easier, not the other way around. That's why I am paying her.

I like working from home for the reasons everyone else does. I like being able to see my children at breakfast and lunchtime. I like being able to be called down if they are particularly proud of a Lego tower or a drawing. I can be a working mother without missing out as much. I definitely would work fewer days if WFH was not an option.

My DH is in a role where he has to work from home.

Our nanny took the job knowing all that and does a fabulous job.

Obviously not, but being a nanny is a job where you can't expect a break. That's the gig.

If you don't like it, say you won't be doing long days anymore.

If the parents didn't WFH you would have no chance of a break.

If you worked in a nursery you'd have 20+ children and their behaviour to deal with- not one.

And there is only one child so there is downtime naturally within the day. There will be moments when you are occupied, playing or eating and you can make yourself a cup of tea and passively supervise as opposed to actively engaging with them. That isn't something that happens much in other professions.

Ask for your 10 minutes by all means but if you want to keep their confidence in you don't say you 'need' a break because you're overwhelmed. And don't expect it to be a paid break, because you've asked for something outside the usual expectations of the role.

If you want a legislated or union fought for paid break- choose a different job.

Worked 12 hours as a nanny
Had atleast 2, but for many years i worked with 4 children.
When starting the children were 8 months, 3 years and two 5 year olds. 12 hours a day

I think ‘needing’ time away from the child you care for is unreasonable and the furthest thing from my mind during those 12 hours

12 hours a day ! ☝🏻

Come on! Wfh is working but you're allowed breaks like you would in the office!

1 nanny looking after 4 children of such young ages for 12 hours a day is a ridiculous job (at least to me) but each to their own.
Just please don’t berate someone else who doesn’t have a similar kind of slave mentality.
Did you have a private life and relationships during these years?

The issue isn't with having a break it's that you want a break where you're totally 100% away from the child which just isn't a standard expectation as a nanny.

Nannying is not like an office job where you get 30 minutes to turn off your computer and physically walk away from the job as you can't just walk away from a child. If the parents are WFH you could ask them if they'd be willing to have lunch with their child so you can have a short "child free break" - maybe offer to prepare lunch for everyone so they can come out, have family lunch and then you take the child out to an activity while they go back to work so that by the time you get back they are out of sight and out of mind?

If that isn't practical then you need to work in periods of natural downtime into the day to allow you a break, which should not be difficult with a KS1 aged child - even babies allow you a decent break with nap times. KS1 is 5-7 and every child I have ever known has been more than capable of entertaining themselves independently for 10-15 minutes by that age. If you're concerned that the parents will think you're slacking off then have a discussion about how you need a break and so after lunch you plan to schedule some TV time/tablet time etc and do they have any restrictions to that (EG 30 mins max, no Peppa Pig, only U rated films etc)

If you need a total break, is there garden space that you can access so that you can leave the child inside colouring/watching TV etc while you take yourself out to the garden to just have a five minutes to yourself? Obviously discuss it with the parents first but I would rather have had a nanny who left my child in the living room watching Moana while they went out in the garden to have some peace and quiet for a few minutes than have a nanny who got to the point of being overwhelmed because they never got a moment to themselves in the day and potentially left me DD in an unsafe situation.

@Monoprix Slave mentality ? 😂😂😂
Ofcourse i had a life and relationships in this time !

Im not ‘berating’ anyone , its kinda what is expected, you work without a break totally away from the child, unless they are at school or all sleep etc, its standard and no nanny i have met actually expects a break as it just isnt ethical!

12 hour days are very common in the Nanny world !!

Oh and btw, the baby also had seizures

As a nanny, You just get on with it.
Parents pay you to look after the children and be on the ball 100% of the time, not expect ‘time out’ away from the children

If in an interview the nanny says i need time away from the child everyday, alot of parents would be put off by this and wouldnt employ you

Shocked by some of the employers on this thread.

It is totally reasonable to want a short break (paid!)

You are an employee, but more importantly, you are a human being.

I suggest talking to the parents and if they don’t allow you to have a break find a nicer family. They clearly exist as some are on this thread! It’s an industry sadly replete with unpleasant rich people who neglect to spend enough time with their children. Hopefully they are not like that but I can’t imagine working at home and never coming to see my child for even a few minutes while the nanny has a short breather.

If I employed you, I would give you a break. The entitlement on this thread is unbelievable. And it’s not analogous to being a full-time mother. You are in paid employment and the parents are literally on the premises.

I have a Nanny for my 2 primary school aged DC. Given the hours she works (7.30am-6pm) and that the DC are at school 9-3pm, she has her hour lunch break by herself during term-time.

During school holidays, one DC goes to a holiday club, and one SC stays with her as they have additional needs, so she has her lunch with them. I don't mind our Nanny taking DC on any personal errands she may need to do (post office, bank etc), or putting DC on the iPad while she has a break.

I would mind our Nanny expecting me to take over for her lunch break as working from home (which I do once a week) means exactly that. In my line of work, I'd be lucky to be able to make a cup of tea between meetings, never mind take a lunch break.

Our Nanny has been been us for 6 months now, and seems pretty happy with the set-up, which is far better than the arrangements she had at the nursery she previously worked at.

Given that you've scheduled to do after-school and are essentially doing full days as a favor to the parents because of unusual situations like strikes, I think it would be reasonable for you to ask for a short break if you have to work an unscheduled full day. It's a big convenience to them to be able to have their regular nanny for full days at a moment's notice in case of strikes etc, but from your POV, you are usually pacing yourself for an after-school shift. If you wanted to work full days, you would have probably picked a family that needed a regular 8 am to 6 pm nanny. Also, the days when you are doing full day cover are also days when the kids are probably "on edge" because it's not their normal routine and they know something's going on. If you were a full-time nanny you would get them into a schedule where they rest or read for a bit after lunch or whatever quiet activity allows you to sit down for a bit and have a cuppa. Since they're not used to that, it will be difficult to get them into that sort of schedule when the next full day might not be for another few weeks.

So I don't think it would be out of bounds to say, I'm willing to do full day shifts in emergencies, but since it's not my usual schedule I'm not really set up for going 9 hours with the kids without a break; is it possible you could schedule to see them during your lunch break and I'll take off for a bit during that time and that way I can get any private phone calls made or go get myself a sandwich from the shop.

On the other hand, if asking for a break will endanger your employment, then you'd need to ask yourself is it worth it possibly losing your job over a ten minute or 15 minute or even 30 minute break.