He refused to massage my neck

[HolierThanThaaaaou]

So basically I’ve been suffering with bad headaches and back pain. Been to GP who has said it’s tension in the neck and shoulders. He has referred me to physio but also said a neck and shoulder massage on a night would help and he asked if I have someone at home who could do this for me. Without thinking I said “yes, I have a DP”.

I didn’t for one minute think he’d refuse to do this!!

So I got home, told him what GP had said and asked if he’d give me a quick neck massage on the evening. He said no. I thought he was joking at first but no, he meant it, he’s outright refusing to give me a quick neck massage.

As a result I’m refusing to engage in any intimacy. He said I’m being ridiculous and petty, I think he’s being a selfish arsehole.

YABU - he doesn’t have to massage you if he doesn’t want to and you are being petty

YANBU - refusing to give up 5 minutes of your time to help your girlfriend out with a medical issue is cuntish behaviour

Some scary sounding medical terms for what is essentially muscle tension and inflammation.

Op needs a professional to rub her neck

NHS physio do not perform shoulder and neck massage. They demonstrate basic stretches and exercises- advise on posture and things to do at home to improve mobility and provide photo copied sheets of exercises to try at home.

I guarantee if op asked a physio if her partner could try massaging her shoulders of an evening it would be a resounding Yes.

Yes!

I agree. I have the same issue as the OP, shoulder pain causing neck pain with intermittent headaches. I saw a first contact physio at my GP practice and it's taken almost 3 months of doing the exercises advised for the frequency of my symptoms to start to settle. I've learnt to do my own trigger release.

I'd really dislike being the OPs husband & being expected to do massage/trigger release every evening.

OP see a physio, it's worth it

It’s great that the exercises you’re doing at home are improving your symptoms.
Interesting that you don’t mind massaging yourself to release muscle spasm but would dislike a partner asking you to do the same for them?

Its incredibly unlikely that gentle muscle massage would cause damage. It’s more dangerous to lean back over a sink at the hairdressers in terms of prolonged pressure on the carotid artery.
No one’s up in arms about that.

How would you react if one evening your partner asked you to massage his tense shoulders?
Would you reply No, it’s stupid and then sulk because he didn’t want to get in your pants?

As much as it might seem harsh not to want to do it, it can be very overwhelming for some people. I always used to love doing it, but the more I was pushed in to it the more it made me panic. It really is something you need to be in the headspace for, it’s a sharing of energy not just a physical touch. I wouldn’t think for a second that it means someone doesn’t love you.

As punishment or because she’s turned off by the selfish prick? Don’t act like he’s perfectly reasonable to demand his cock gets some attention when he refuses to help ease her pain.

Have you missed that OP is in pain?! Jesus Christ, so it’s too much for him to rub her shoulders for 5 minutes to help her, but not to much for him to demand his cock get attention when she’s in pain? Why’s that then?

It’s a massage, not brain surgery. For the posters saying they wouldn’t massage their partner, you can bet your bottom dollar they’d accept one if they were offered. I wonder on MN if people actually like their partners very much.

The Dr didn’t say that at all. The Dr asked IF there was someone who would.

And I would have thought that sex is rather more ‘invasive’ than a neck massage…

OP, he wants sex but won’t do a little neck massage. That would be it for me.

This would give me the super-ick.