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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To do the washing up

141 replies

ChickenDhansak82 · 20/03/2023 07:29

I work 3 days a week as a teacher which is about 38 hours a week work in term time.

I also do all the meal planning, cleaning, food shopping, cooking and usually the washing up and the childcare/school run 4 days a week.

I've had words with DH over this but it goes back to the above after a week of 'helping more'.

DH cooked a mothers day roast dinner yesterday for me, our 3 kids and his parents.

This morning I have come down to a mountain of washing up.

AIBU to leave the washing up and refuse to do it? If I'd known I'd end up doing it then I would have done a salad for mothers day!

YABU = just do the washing up and be grateful he cooked.

YANBU = leave the washing up. He cooked and made the mess so he should wash up.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChickenDhansak82 · 21/03/2023 16:32

4.27pm and the kitchen smelt clean when I got in from work! Yay! He was only WFH until 11am as he had an off-site meeting somewhere and won't be back until 9pm.

He has indeed washed a few up but the second roasting tin is still sitting next to the sink! Sigh.

Argh! I take it back. He has hidden the second manky roasting tin in the oven!!! FFS!

OP posts:
Ktime · 21/03/2023 16:37

Ok so almost there! Now stay firm on the two tins, they are his to clean!

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/03/2023 16:49

He has hidden the second manky roasting tin in the oven!!! FFS!

He's past the 'pretending he doesn't see it stage'. That's a solid stage.

Now he's at the 'doing batshit things that are as much work as the work itself' stage.

He's cracking. Hold firm.

BruceAndNosh · 21/03/2023 16:53

At this point, I'd be "so reasonable" that him failing to complete the washing up would be very obvious.
Put both roasting pans back in sink with squirt of Fairy and boiling water from kettle and leave to soak.... and soak.... and soak.
When he comes home they will be nicely cold and greasy again but you can helpfully point out that you have "put them in to soak" so that it's easy for him to finish them off...

Original poster
ChickenDhansak82 · 21/03/2023 16:55

The roasting tin is back next to the sink and I am holding strong.

Cooking the kids sausage and chips and will wash up all evidence. Will then go get kids a yummy pudding on the way home from activities later!

OP posts:
CrotchetyQuaver · 21/03/2023 16:57

Hold firm but add in
Not cooking enough for him
None of his washing
Anything else you do for him
After all 2CV play at his game

CrotchetyQuaver · 21/03/2023 16:58

CAN

BrainOnFire · 21/03/2023 16:58

Yes! Go OP

Finallyfree41 · 21/03/2023 19:07

Or wash them but then every time you cook leave the dishes for him. If f you have to do them when he cooks it’s only fair he does them when you do

pinkyredrose · 21/03/2023 19:35

He's cracking. Hold firm.

😂😂

purplehair1 · 21/03/2023 22:04

Used to get annoyed by that on Mothers Day, my ex might help the kids make me a lovely breakfast in bed, but zero attention was given to washing up/clearing up the mess in the kitchen and so I always ended up doing it after my lovely ‘treat’.

BruceAndNosh · 22/03/2023 08:12

Draining board watch... DAY 3

user1492757084 · 22/03/2023 08:19

Leave it for him or say,
"Do you want me to dry the dishes if you wash?"

newfence · 22/03/2023 08:21

BruceAndNosh · 22/03/2023 08:12

Draining board watch... DAY 3

😂😂

thegirlyupnorth · 22/03/2023 08:35

You're both acting like a pair of children and being very petty. Can't you just have a conversation with him and agree a way forward?

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 22/03/2023 08:38

MuttsNutts · 20/03/2023 10:34

This is why so many useless men behave as they do - a bit of sulking/grumping and they know their wives will cave.

Vent away OP but you do realise you are enabling his behaviour by clearing up after him?

Exactly.

Why are you afraid of his sulking? How often do you appease him?

Peridot1 · 22/03/2023 08:49

Off the point of the thread I know but roasting pans go in the dishwasher here. Everything does pretty much.

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/03/2023 14:20

thegirlyupnorth · 22/03/2023 08:35

You're both acting like a pair of children and being very petty. Can't you just have a conversation with him and agree a way forward?

Normally I'm in favour of talking. But this one deserves this.

Original poster
ChickenDhansak82 · 22/03/2023 16:47

4.45pm Wednesday.

3 days later.

Roasting tins still next to the sink.

I am NOT cracking!

OP posts:
TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 22/03/2023 17:08

😂😂😂

Repeat the mantra "I am a woman of steel & I will not crack" OP.
For as long as it takes.

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/03/2023 17:10

ChickenDhansak82 · 22/03/2023 16:47

4.45pm Wednesday.

3 days later.

Roasting tins still next to the sink.

I am NOT cracking!

It's rare I'm minded to quote Thatcher <washes mouth out with soap> but "the lady's not for turning".

thebestbirtheraccordingtoDD · 22/03/2023 17:23

ChickenDhansak82 · 22/03/2023 16:47

4.45pm Wednesday.

3 days later.

Roasting tins still next to the sink.

I am NOT cracking!

You are my hero 🦸

newfence · 22/03/2023 17:33

Haha! Go on, OP! Has he even mentioned them?

Original poster
ChickenDhansak82 · 22/03/2023 17:41

newfence · 22/03/2023 17:33

Haha! Go on, OP! Has he even mentioned them?

Not mentioned them at all!

Tomorrow will be the real test as its my day off again and I clean the house! I'm going to clean the kitchen but will leave the roasting pans if he hasn't done them tonight.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 22/03/2023 17:49

DP and I had a PA battle for weeks about toilet roll replacement.

He would replace it, but leave the empty roll. I had a great deal of fun putting the empty rolls in his sock drawer, inside his pillow case, on the handles to his wardrobe.

We're still married.