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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not make dinner?

137 replies

Gingersay · 19/03/2023 15:30

Would IBU if I didn't make my usually Sunday roast today due to lack any recognition from my DC or DH for Mother's day? I'm toying between making it and plating mine up and just leaving them to fend for themselves or just not making anything.

OP posts:
Minimummonday · 19/03/2023 19:26

Coming to this a bit late, but I would have made a bit of a joke of it and told DH that he was taking everyone out for dinner as a "surprise".

why does she have to make her upset a joke and diminish it. Her family have been horrible and if she lets it go like it seems she does every other day they’re going to grow up into shit adults like the dad too.

tachetastic · 19/03/2023 19:37

LuckySantangelo35 · 19/03/2023 18:20

@tachetastic

and? Maybe it would do the kids good to feel a bit awkward, might make them do better next year

Show quote history

No it won't. People don't think like that. Especially kids. They will remember because they are the kind of people who remember, or they won't because they are the kind of people who don't.

I just know that if my urchins forgot about dad's day, I'd rather end the day with a slap up meal than an awkward silence.

Canthave2manycats · 19/03/2023 19:40

LuckySantangelo35 · 19/03/2023 16:13

Quite refreshing replies!

usually there would be at least one poster telling op that of course she still needs to feed her family!! She’s a mother and mothers make sacrifices and her needs/wants are irrelevant!

I've only read this far, but am sure there will be one. There always is.

iaapap · 19/03/2023 19:40

I’d do the dinner and serve it.

then I’d ask: do any of you appreciate what I do - as it’s Mother’s Day and I’ve had to be your slave as usual?

Canthave2manycats · 19/03/2023 19:43

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 19/03/2023 16:59

DC are 11 & 13 with plenty money of their own and knew it was mother's day

Selfish brats.

Dive for cover!!!

Don't you realise it's considered evil here to refer to spoilt brats or little sh1ts?!🙄

tachetastic · 19/03/2023 19:46

Minimummonday · 19/03/2023 19:26

Coming to this a bit late, but I would have made a bit of a joke of it and told DH that he was taking everyone out for dinner as a "surprise".

why does she have to make her upset a joke and diminish it. Her family have been horrible and if she lets it go like it seems she does every other day they’re going to grow up into shit adults like the dad too.

"Her family have been horrible"? And her husband is a "shit adult"?

I thought she was disappointed that they hadn't made an effort and thought they could do more.

It sounds like you are reading more into this than I am.

I am truly sorry if OP's husband is a shit adult and her family are horrible.

MysteryBelle · 19/03/2023 19:51

No excuse. Absolutely do not cook for them. And yes, I agree pp to tell them that since they didn’t honor you on Mother’s Day whatsoever, then they can fend for themselves at dinner time. If there’s any way, leave the house and don’t come back for a good several hours. In fact, let them find their own dinner for the next week. Awful treatment of you.

Canthave2manycats · 19/03/2023 19:53

iaapap · 19/03/2023 19:40

I’d do the dinner and serve it.

then I’d ask: do any of you appreciate what I do - as it’s Mother’s Day and I’ve had to be your slave as usual?

Seriously? That's the height of martyrdom. Suppose you'd sigh a lot and bang pans around too?

@Gingersay look at this day as the first day of the rest of your life. Time to stop the Sunday roasts too, or if you continue (I love an auld roast, kids have done one for us all tonight), then delegate tasks to everyone else in the family. If you let them, they will sit there forever watching you do it, and you never get any respect or consideration for it.

Tell them straight exactly how pissed off you are, and ask them how they are going to make up for it. Pull them all up short, make them think, including H.

Thirdsummerofourdiscontent · 19/03/2023 19:55

I would make very basic sandwiches and not say anything. But I’m passive aggressive like that. Pop out and buy yourself something nice to eat in bed with a book and cup of tea.

Somethingneedstochange78 · 19/03/2023 19:56

I would have just ordered a takeaway for myself leave them to sort they're own out. We had a gorgeous banquet delivered from a local Indian restaurant.

QueenofLouisiana · 19/03/2023 20:03

On Wednesday, DS asked what I wanted to do on Mother’s Day. I pointed out that I would be doing whatever he and his father had arranged, as obviously it would be impossible to book anything at that late point. He turned a bit green.

I have just finished eating a three course Sunday dinner. It was cooked entirely (if somewhat inexpertly) by DS. DH washed up.

I’m glad they listened.

PinkSyCo · 19/03/2023 20:04

I’m not one who expects a lot for Mother’s Day, but to get no acknowledgment-not even a card or a cup of tea made for you is fucking awful, and like fuck would I be cooking on MD even if I did get those things!

JennyJenny8675309 · 19/03/2023 20:09

lovedive · 19/03/2023 16:14

Many years ago I ordered a pizza and ate it in the bath.

Love this. 🤣😂🤣

Original poster
Gingersay · 19/03/2023 20:11

So dh came in with flowers and chocolates although this was after my eldest had a call from my niece asking what we did for Mother's day - cue lots of tears and apologising. I explained how I was hurt and felt unappreciated and it wasn't about stuff. They both made cards and wrote big apologies. DH has gone to get a chippy and I've ordered a big chore rota board from amazon - changes being made!!

Thanks everyone for not making me feel like I was being petty and making me realise that I do way too much.

Happy Mother's day ladies!

I must say the dog I never wanted never left my side today - least he knew!!

OP posts:
Princesspeach31 · 19/03/2023 20:15

That’s lovely! Glad it all came good in the end and the chore rota sounds like a great idea.

Snippit · 19/03/2023 20:17

That is truly awful, selfish little shits. I no longer make a Sunday dinner, haven’t for years. My husband used to play football on a Sunday morning many moons ago, approximately 30 years. He didn’t understand why the kitchen cabinets were wearing his dinner when he staggered home. My daughter is 27 now and I rarely made a Sunday roast, he pissed me off so much. I’d sooner do something else than slave over a hot stove on a Sunday. There’s only my husband and myself at home now, if he’s hungry and I don’t want to cook I always make sure there’s a pot noodle in the cupboard for him 😂

tachetastic · 19/03/2023 20:18

Glad the day ended well, with a constructive way forward and no storming out.

And value that dog. He/She will be there for you no matter what.

evergreen2 · 19/03/2023 20:20

Well done, handled it well. Dogs are the best. X

Canthave2manycats · 19/03/2023 20:23

Gingersay · 19/03/2023 20:11

So dh came in with flowers and chocolates although this was after my eldest had a call from my niece asking what we did for Mother's day - cue lots of tears and apologising. I explained how I was hurt and felt unappreciated and it wasn't about stuff. They both made cards and wrote big apologies. DH has gone to get a chippy and I've ordered a big chore rota board from amazon - changes being made!!

Thanks everyone for not making me feel like I was being petty and making me realise that I do way too much.

Happy Mother's day ladies!

I must say the dog I never wanted never left my side today - least he knew!!

Great result!

Furbabies are always there for you x

Floralnomad · 19/03/2023 20:31

Great result and totally agree that dogs are the best ( and Siamese cats)

Sallyh87 · 19/03/2023 20:35

Nice to hear a positive outcome and that you are getting chips as well! Hope you have a nice evening.

Minimummonday · 19/03/2023 20:48

Well done for asserting yourself - good outcome

all those saying ‘hell yeah’ and ‘love this’ to the pp who ended up eating pizza alone in the bath because no-one did anything for her. I really don’t think this is a win is it?

MoggyMittens23 · 19/03/2023 20:52

Gingersay · 19/03/2023 17:34

Even if Dh comes home with something I'm so disappointed in my children they are usually quite nice caring kids with their friends grandparents etc it just makes me realise that they just take me for granted, a cup of tea even loading the dishwasher or coming out their rooms for an hour would have been lovely.

My DC are younger than yours and do tea and dishwasher every morning. Think you need to get them doing a bit more from the sounds of it!

Lizardonachair · 19/03/2023 21:07

midsomermurderess · 19/03/2023 17:33

What a horrible day Mothers’ Day has turned in to. So many threads where people feel let down, upset, taken for granted. I barely remember it as a thing when I was growing up, no cards made at school etc, I can’t remember buying a thing for my mother. And now, it’s this.

I remember doing things for my mother in the 90s so it's been going on for at least 30 years, it's not really a new thing. I don't really think it's a big thing to ask for a little "thank you mum" from the husband and kids.

Minimummonday · 19/03/2023 21:10

What a horrible day Mothers’ Day has turned in to. So many threads where people feel let down, upset, taken for granted. I barely remember it as a thing when I was growing up, no cards made at school etc, I can’t remember buying a thing for my mother. And now, it’s this.

@midsomermurderess so women feel taken for granted = mothers shouldn’t have deigned to have a day devoted to them, it’s their fault. Righto.