Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not make dinner?

137 replies

Gingersay · 19/03/2023 15:30

Would IBU if I didn't make my usually Sunday roast today due to lack any recognition from my DC or DH for Mother's day? I'm toying between making it and plating mine up and just leaving them to fend for themselves or just not making anything.

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 19/03/2023 16:59

DC are 11 & 13 with plenty money of their own and knew it was mother's day

Selfish brats.

theblackradiator · 19/03/2023 17:13

same here but with the exception that ds 10 made a card type thing at school. dd 15 got me a card which she happily announced that she got for free! No other gifts from them even though they both have plenty of money. I remember having very little money as a child but always managed to buy my mum a small gift like a small plant for £2.99 or a chocolate bar I always loved to please and buys a gift. my dc are different and seem very selfish and self centred no idea why. I always make sure their dad gets a gift on fathers day and encourage them to make an effort but it doesn't happen for me.
I'm currently here cooking the roast dinner!.
maybe your dc are waiting until dad gets home to do something nice for you.

Floralnomad · 19/03/2023 17:17

Your kids are old enough to have sorted something out so I would not blame the husband . Get a take away for him and yourself and tell the kids to sort themselves out .

FrostyFifi · 19/03/2023 17:17

I do everything for them all and work full time

Why? Time to make some big, big changes.

diddl · 19/03/2023 17:20

Getting no card or present wouldn't bother me if there was at least some acknowledgement.

"Happy Mother's Day!" and a hug, tea/toast in bed.

Lunch cooked.

It doesn't have to be much does it?

Userno636362673726636382 · 19/03/2023 17:22

go out and get yourself a take away op! He can feed the kids!

ClaireStandishsLipstick · 19/03/2023 17:24

I’m with you. I never cook on Mother’s Day

Badger1970 · 19/03/2023 17:25

They've been very unkind OP. So I wouldn't cook, but clearly tell them why. And that you're disappointed in their behaviour today.

Rosscameasdoody · 19/03/2023 17:26

Confront them and tell them that from now on there will be no more Sunday roasts because they obviously take them/you for granted. Tell them you’re hurt and disappointed that they forgot the one day out of the year when they have the opportunity to show they love and appreciate you. Then order in some lovely food for yourself, and take yourself off somewhere peaceful and eat it with a nice glass of your favourite alcohol and a good book/iPad/Netflix.

Rosscameasdoody · 19/03/2023 17:27

Floralnomad · 19/03/2023 17:17

Your kids are old enough to have sorted something out so I would not blame the husband . Get a take away for him and yourself and tell the kids to sort themselves out .

Husband is just as much to blame. Don’t care how old they are, he should have checked they’d sorted something out.

NatashaDancing · 19/03/2023 17:29

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 19/03/2023 16:01

YANBU for not cooking whenever you don't want to, & for whatever reason.

Why do you need to ask? Are you so used to being taken for granted that it feels transgressive to stop providing skivvy services? is your H incapable of cooking?

Yes agreed.

LolaSmiles · 19/03/2023 17:30

Another vote for communicating openly instead of being passive aggressive.

Wait and see what happens when DH comes home.

If there's still nothing tell them your feelings are hurt that they've not made any attempt at an effort, you're giving yourself the night off and they can sort their own dinner.

midsomermurderess · 19/03/2023 17:33

What a horrible day Mothers’ Day has turned in to. So many threads where people feel let down, upset, taken for granted. I barely remember it as a thing when I was growing up, no cards made at school etc, I can’t remember buying a thing for my mother. And now, it’s this.

Original poster
Gingersay · 19/03/2023 17:34

Even if Dh comes home with something I'm so disappointed in my children they are usually quite nice caring kids with their friends grandparents etc it just makes me realise that they just take me for granted, a cup of tea even loading the dishwasher or coming out their rooms for an hour would have been lovely.

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 19/03/2023 17:36

Rosscameasdoody · 19/03/2023 17:27

Husband is just as much to blame. Don’t care how old they are, he should have checked they’d sorted something out.

Show quote history

So how old do they have to be before you have to remind them that it’s Mother’s Day or a birthday .

jemimapuddlepluck · 19/03/2023 17:37

Have you made a roast dinner OP?

Cornishclio · 19/03/2023 17:37

Sorry your children have done nothing especially as they are old enough to be able to take some initiative and buy a card at least. I think I would start to do less for them in an effort to make them see how much you do. Not sure if you have started dinner but I would not be inclined to do it for them.

LondonJax · 19/03/2023 17:41

Hopefully it'll all end with 'surprise!', cards and a gift plus a takeaway courtesy of dad on the way home.

But, at that age, even if there was a surprise element to the day and they wanted to wait until everyone was home, I'd have expected a cup of tea, one of them to make me a sandwich and both of them to act like it was a special day. Because it was.

Hope it all works out OK later OP. Definitely tell them how disappointed you were, even if there is a takeaway or meal at the end of it. They need to learn to think outside their own little worlds.

fortheloveofflowers · 19/03/2023 17:44

My child normally brings me up a cuppa and some awful breakfast with a present.

This year had to prompt him for the cuppa and that was done begrudgingly. He is 13 though 🙄

I did get a card and a present and a fiver because he said he wasn’t sure how to get flowers (I mainly order online so not really seen me buy them).

Yours are plenty old enough to not need telling what to do. I’m a single parent and mine still managed something.

Hope you’ve gone out to eat and left them to it.

ToBeFrancesca · 19/03/2023 17:44

MunchMonster · 19/03/2023 15:34

Tell them directly that you would have liked them to do something for you for Mothers day and since they haven't you don't feel like cooking. Ask them to sort dinner.

You'll get lots of advice on here telling you to do something passive aggressive but I think that sets a really bad example. It's important to communicate your needs.

I'm sorry they didn't do anything for you.

This is spot on.

I can't bear passive aggression, or the childish 'well, I'll not do anything for Father's Day - So There!" thing.

Climbles · 19/03/2023 17:45

Kids just see the world from their own perspective. They need encouragement to make a card etc. I think you have a DH problem.

crosstalk · 19/03/2023 17:46

Go and have a shower, make yourself a sandwich, a glass of wine or cup of tea, and read your book/put on the tv. Do not cook. See what happens.

And then address yourself and family about taking the load off you. Bit late, but you can set them tasks. And do this even if they come back with roses and supper. My thought is you are just bringing up male children to do the same to a younger you down the road.

feelingfree17 · 19/03/2023 17:49

I have never cooked on Mothers Day.
I think you need to massively up your expectations. You mention you are not normally fussed about recognising the importance about special days. This is just enabling all of them to be totally thoughtless and selfish, and clear you are naturally very hurt. I hope you have taken yourself out to eat (even if it is a sandwich in Tesco car park) and they are still at home staring at their empty plates!
Hopefully you have a birthday coming up, and you ensure they treat you for being the special person you clearly are. And tell them in no uncertain terms that next Mothers Day you will not be cooking and expect to be spoilt!

NoSquirrels · 19/03/2023 17:49

Gingersay · 19/03/2023 17:34

Even if Dh comes home with something I'm so disappointed in my children they are usually quite nice caring kids with their friends grandparents etc it just makes me realise that they just take me for granted, a cup of tea even loading the dishwasher or coming out their rooms for an hour would have been lovely.

So tell them! Why haven’t you said something before now?

‘Hey, DC - did you forget it’s Mother’s Day? No one’s even offered me a cup of tea today. When your dad is back, please make a plan with him what’s for dinner. I’m feeling a bit unappreciated and I’m going to my room for a while.’

toastofthetown · 19/03/2023 17:50

Gingersay · 19/03/2023 17:34

Even if Dh comes home with something I'm so disappointed in my children they are usually quite nice caring kids with their friends grandparents etc it just makes me realise that they just take me for granted, a cup of tea even loading the dishwasher or coming out their rooms for an hour would have been lovely.

It's all well and good telling us this, but have you spoken to them? They won't learn if you are silently festering and they are oblivious. It's all well and good everyone saying what they should and shouldn't do, but the fact is that for whatever reason they haven't.

Speaking from my own experience, the age where you are transitioning from your parents sorting gifts on your behalf to you being entirely responsible isn't always smooth. One Christmas my sister and I both forgot to get each other a gift, but that experience is something I remember and learned from.