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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not make dinner?

137 replies

Gingersay · 19/03/2023 15:30

Would IBU if I didn't make my usually Sunday roast today due to lack any recognition from my DC or DH for Mother's day? I'm toying between making it and plating mine up and just leaving them to fend for themselves or just not making anything.

OP posts:
lovedive · 19/03/2023 16:14

Many years ago I ordered a pizza and ate it in the bath.

Original poster
Gingersay · 19/03/2023 16:19

DC are 11 & 13 with plenty money of their own and knew it was mother's day as they popped in with me yesterday to drop-off my mums gifts. Tbh all I want is a card or a cup of tea, DH usually takes them out before to get cards he's at work but will be home shortly. I not usually fussed by this type of thing but today as really got to me. I do everything for them all and work full time.

OP posts:
TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 19/03/2023 16:21

I do everything for them all and work full time.

Why can't DH cook then?
How much of the housework, child-juggling & mental load does he do?

Original poster
Gingersay · 19/03/2023 16:24

Not much to be fair!!

OP posts:
MyOtherUsernameIsDave · 19/03/2023 16:24

Well don’t do it then! Don’t cook!

InFiveMins · 19/03/2023 16:24

Is it possible DH will bring your card home with him when he returns from work?

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 19/03/2023 16:25

Gingersay · 19/03/2023 16:24

Not much to be fair!!

Why do you let him get away with that?

Your DC are mirroring him in taking you for granted.

WiddlinDiddlin · 19/03/2023 16:27

How on earth would cooking a full roast dinner then letting them serve themselves be 'letting them fend for themselves'... fucks sake if simply placing food on a plate is letting them fend for themselves, they really ARE fucked if you couldn't cook for any reason!

Give yourself the gift of doing exactly as you please all day. Don't keep it secret though, tell them if they ask what you're doing or where dinner is 'Oh I don't know, sorry, its MD, and I am gifting myself a day of sweet fuck all... ask your father or look in the fridge and cook it yourself...'

User678945 · 19/03/2023 16:29

I hope when your dh gets home from work something will happen for mothers day. And if not, absolutely do not cook.

PinkyBlossom · 19/03/2023 16:31

MunchMonster · 19/03/2023 15:34

Tell them directly that you would have liked them to do something for you for Mothers day and since they haven't you don't feel like cooking. Ask them to sort dinner.

You'll get lots of advice on here telling you to do something passive aggressive but I think that sets a really bad example. It's important to communicate your needs.

I'm sorry they didn't do anything for you.

👆

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 19/03/2023 16:33

User678945 · 19/03/2023 16:29

I hope when your dh gets home from work something will happen for mothers day. And if not, absolutely do not cook.

Why make the cooking conditional?

OP can choose not to cook whatever happens.
Sounds like its high time her H & DC discovered there isn't a Kitchen Fairy.

Wishimaywishimight · 19/03/2023 16:35

I would be inclined to ask the kids if they remember you dropping off their grandmother's present yesterday. When they say "yes" ask them what the present was for. When they say 'mother's day" look at them until the penny drops.

They are well old enough to buy you some flowers/chocs and to make you a nice breakfast, something to show a bit of consideration. When I was a child I actually got a real kick out of making my mum smile, it wasn't a duty.

GoodChat · 19/03/2023 16:40

Text DH and tell him to pick up something for tea on his way home.

FluffyTrousers · 19/03/2023 16:41

I don't cook on two days a year, my birthday and Mother's Day. For years it came as a surprise to my family when a meal was not produced. I usually ate toast.
The penny seems to have dropped this year...we are going to dinner with DS1!

evergreen2 · 19/03/2023 16:43

MunchMonster · 19/03/2023 15:34

Tell them directly that you would have liked them to do something for you for Mothers day and since they haven't you don't feel like cooking. Ask them to sort dinner.

You'll get lots of advice on here telling you to do something passive aggressive but I think that sets a really bad example. It's important to communicate your needs.

I'm sorry they didn't do anything for you.

Absolutely this. Communicate clearly. It is upsetting, it's not silly. They have all been thoughtless.

MavisCruet2023 · 19/03/2023 16:45

MunchMonster · 19/03/2023 15:34

Tell them directly that you would have liked them to do something for you for Mothers day and since they haven't you don't feel like cooking. Ask them to sort dinner.

You'll get lots of advice on here telling you to do something passive aggressive but I think that sets a really bad example. It's important to communicate your needs.

I'm sorry they didn't do anything for you.

^ This ^

They're obviously clueless - so you need to tell them.

ozoruk1 · 19/03/2023 16:46

I’d be very upset in your shoes and agree tell them all how upset you are and ensure this doesn’t happen next year!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 19/03/2023 16:46

So your kids have picked up from their Father that it's OK to do fuck all and you'll just do it all.

Sod that. Time for a family meeting and change things.

Or is there somewhere local you could go to for a nice dinner and glass of wine by yourself? Just disappear for a couple of hours and leave them to sort themselves out.

Do not cook them a bloody roast or they'll just keep taking the piss.

Justalittlebitduckling · 19/03/2023 16:48

lovedive · 19/03/2023 16:14

Many years ago I ordered a pizza and ate it in the bath.

I like you!

Mari9999 · 19/03/2023 16:51

OP, are you treated well for the other 364 days in the year? I think that is the most meaningful gift that's loving family can give to say how much they love and value you.

If you choose not to cook today, I imagine that they are capable of feeding themselves. There is nothing to prevent you from taking the day off if you feel like taking the day off. This can be your treat to yourself.

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 19/03/2023 16:52

Or is there somewhere local you could go to for a nice dinner and glass of wine by yourself? Just disappear for a couple of hours and leave them to sort themselves out.

Exactly!

Whose permission are you waiting for to give yourself some much-deserved time off OP?
As soon as DH gets home, tell him you're handing the reins over, will be back by X o'clock, & take yourself off somewhere.
Eating out alone is utterly luxurious. Take a book if you're shy.
Or just go to the flicks.

ReneBumsWombats · 19/03/2023 16:54

Not even a card?

Takeaway for one.

billy1966 · 19/03/2023 16:55

Absolutely do not cook.

We teach people how to treat us and you are modeling a poor example tonthem all.

Stop doing everything for them.

They clearly don't appreciate it.

Hollyhocksandlarkspur · 19/03/2023 16:57

But say DH comes home and has cards, flowers or news of meal out? Might cause upset? Can you wait until he’s in and then if nothing happening go out by self. Def do not cook roast.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 19/03/2023 16:58

But say DH comes home and has cards, flowers or news of meal out?

It's Mother's Day, not Wife's Day. The kids have done F all.