Frankly I think that all mothers should be able to just bugger off out for the day, leaving the kids behind, do whatever they want!

Because otherwise it's just another day of "expectations" with a whole load of pressure isn't it?

Bloody hate mother's day.

Sounds like it's up to your DH to tell his mum's partner that he doesn't want to pop round.

Don't waste time worrying about it. Enjoy the day you have planned.

I think thats pretty entitled of her, some things mean more to other people than we would necessarily imagine… but spend the day how you want. My husband has taken the kids to his mums today and I am chilling out by myself without two young kids hanging off my knees all day… as a treat :).

Sounds like your DH isn’t arsed about seeing his mum on Mother’s Day but I probably would have suggested switching them coming round for Ted tomorrow to today instead given the day. But if your DH isn’t bothered I wouldn’t worry about it and certainly you shouldn’t feel bad

tea not Ted!

We took my mum and my mil out for lunch yesterday and gave them a pot of hyacinths and a card each. They're similar distances to yours so we picked somewhere half way.

That way, today I can do whatever I feel like. Dh took the kids to softplay and they'll be back in a bit and then I think we'll go for a walk somewhere, pick up takeout and then play a board game of my choosing (I never get to choose!).

Nip round to your mum's in the morning with a card and chocs


Either all go out together for a mother's day lunch or do your thing in the afternoon

It's difficult.
We takes both out for lunch every year (both local and widowed) and have done since DC1 was born 21 years ago. I have never had a mother's day for me.
Neither gran has ever acknowledged it's my day too. My kids don't really take much notice as it's always been a day for grand rather than me. I get very jealous when my sister posts on FB all about her lovely day 200 miles away!

It’s pretty simple
Everyone spends the day with their mum if they want to.
So your dc spend it with you, you spend it with your Mum and your partner chooses when/if to see his mum, you don’t need to get involved with that.
I have never spent Mothers Day with mil and never will

It's not your problem really. DH has made his decision about his family, leave them to it.

Mum to 2 teens here. Dragged DC1 to granny's (My DM) yesterday for lunch out, gave her a card and flowers being delivered today. I went out for a run nice and early and have locked myself in my office to mumsnet do some work while they sort themselves out. DH can sort MIL

How is it entitled of her? It's her partner who is doing this. Women aren't responsible for the actions of their partners.

All the pressure seems to take away from what is meant to be a positive day.

DH and kids treat me, but nothing OTT. They know that a chilled day is what I need above all else.

my DM died years ago. I put flowers out at her grave during the week. DMIL lives an hour away and we sent flowers and cards but don’t see her - text or phone at some point.

I think the best approach is to keep it low key but full of love.

We don’t juggle anyone. It’s very low key. I spend the day with DH and DD. Just a nice lunch at home and a walk. I have had some flowers and choc and handmade things from nursery. We video call my mum and MIL and they get card and flowers. We don’t see them unless it happens to be a day we’d see them anyway.
It’s my birthday later this month though and we are having a big family meal then.

When our mums (and dads when it was fathers day) were still with us - I got a card (made in school or nursery) and box of choc in the morning. Then we agreed who would take the kids and both headed off to see our own mums separately.

No stress, no ridiculous expectations on spouses.

Now we don't have our own mums, ds is old enough to do mothers day himself. - he is still in bed 🤣

We took MIL out for dinner on Friday evening and DP gave her a card and a gift (SIL always sends flowers as she lives too far away to visit so DP doesn't get her any). MIL isn't really into celebrating occasions so was quite happy to do something on Friday.

My DM lives at the other end of the country so I sent a card and an M&S delivery of flowers, Prosecco and chocolates which she will receive today.

I am spending the day with my DC. In the past DP has called round to see his DM on the day, leaving me at home to enjoy the day with my DC.

It's Mother's Day so you enjoy it how you would like and it's entirely up to your DH how he celebrates with his DM.

I don't see any need for him to visit if she's being treated today by the other sibling and you are all seeing her tomorrow anyway.

I personally feel that once your kids have their own kids Mother's day is for them not for you. If your child is a grown up, you should expect a card and flowers, but not a full day of attention.
So your mum and your MIL should step aside and make sure you're having the day you want first. If that involves seeing them, fine, but as you are currently in the thick of parenting it's more important you get a nice day. They've had their turn IMHO.
I have little kids, I want a day to myself and a break. I want a bit of fuss from hubby, a card and the kids to acknowledge me for 5 minutes. I want to chose what to do with my day. I'm going to pop in on my own mum later for a bit but that's my choice, she hasn't demanded it and insisted I didn't need to. That's the way it should be.
MIL got a card in the post.

I hate all this pressure around Mothers' Day. As a mum, a MIL and a grandmother, I'm pleased if I get some flowers, which I usually do from my son, but I wouldn't be upset if he forgot. He and my DIL keep in contact and we see each other regularly; and they gave me a lot of support through my DH's final illness and death. What does one day matter? In my view, it belongs to the mothers of young children, not the mothers of adult children. A bunch of flowers is lovely, and more than enough.

I don't see either my mum or MIL. To be fair MIL lives 2hours away and my mum lives an hour away.

It's mother's day. I'm a mother. I'll spend it doing what I want.

We send cards/gifts. Drop them a message. But it's thematic with how we do other things. We don't see them our birthdays, usually not on theirs. We have our own nuclear family that comes above all else.

But, that being said, neither of our mum's were particularly...amazing. MIL is a great grandma but even she says that if saw each other more frequently than our 6 weekly visits, we'd fall out.

And my mum is ... Well crap tbh. So I'm not being the one to do all the running.

We saw MIL yesterday, and I'm seeing my mum for a little while shortly.

There have been years where we've seen them both, just one of them, or neither- depending what our/their plans were. The day is always acknowledged, but I've never tied myself up in knots about it. At the end of the day, it's MY day 😂

Ignore the pass-agg “it’s a shame” message from her partner. She’s going out with her own mother and it’s none of his business anyway.

I think the MILs partner should back off. Your DH needs to stand up to him. Sounds like your MIL has a nice day planned and you're seeing them tomorrow, so what's the problem?

I tend to think that Mother's Day is more for the mother with younger kids who needs some sort of acknowledge, treat and break.

Mothers with grown up kids - well it's lovely to have a card and flowers and a visit if possible but not at the expense of the younger mother.

Tying yourself up in knots is stressful. Set a precedent and stick to what suits you.

I took DC (tweens) out for breakfast and am cooking for my DM later. No partner dramas for me...but @Sunshinejeans is there a valid reason your DH mum's partner is not seeing their mum? I wouldn't get involved, not really your fault that your DH doesn't feel he needs to or that the partner feels he should.

@Seeline I’m sorry, that’s really pants. Happy Mother’s Day to you lovely.
I also agree that when your kids have kids, parents days are no longer about you. You get that when your own kids are young and then you pass on the baton. My DM and MIL are no longer with us, but on fathers Day, I celebrate my DH and send a quick text to my DF!