How do you juggle Mother’s Day as a mum with a mum and a MIL!?

[Sunshinejeans]

Just that really.. I’m a fairly new mum with a 18m old & very early pregnant with #2. My mum lives 5 minutes away and MIL lives 40 minutes away.

For context I don’t buy gifts for DH family.. they’re his family and that’s for him to sort. He’s arranged a card and flowers to be delivered to his mum today and we’re seeing them for dinner tomorrow as we host them every 2 weeks for dinner. He’s had a call from his mums partner today asking what time he’s coming over to see her (no plans had been made and he messaged her this morning to wish her a nice Mother’s Day she doesn’t like talking on the phone hence the message and not a call) she is taking her mum & dad out for lunch with her partner so not sat at home solo). DH has 1 sibling who lives out the country so all the expectations fall to him, I’ve said I have absolutely no issue with him going over to his mums for a cuppa today but he quite simply doesn’t want too. I am seeing my mum this morning for a cuppa and DH is taking me out for late lunch with our DS & he said to his mums partner that he won’t be popping over today as he’s taking me out but looks forward to seeing them tomorrow and hope they have a nice lunch out with his grandparents today (his mum messaged saying thanks for the card and gift so we know they’ve been received) but his mums partner has since messaged saying “it’s shame you can’t pop in on your mum today.”

Now sat here feeling a bit sh*t about it all and have no idea how we’re meant to juggle everyone and everything.. ever since we had DS it feels like Christmas & certain days like today have become a battle of who gets the most time and tbh I really couldn’t give a crap if DH went there for the day with DS and I had a day of silence but he wouldn’t ever do that.

So I’m sorry for the waffle but just love to hear what everyone else does as I can’t deal with this every year!!

We don’t see our parents on Mother’s or Father’s Day. We send a gift and a card and have a chat on the phone. That’s ample.

One of mine is 60 miles away this year, and he’s done the same for me. I’m feeling appreciated and loved, it’s all good.

OP, ditch the guilt, the in-laws are being ridiculous.

Juggle it the way you are doing.

It’s for him to sort out - well done for letting him do that, so many women step in.

His mother is being bratty - he isn’t a child and he has to juggle his commitments, but that is for him to sort with her.

Christ, I'm glad someone else said this. It's quite obvious that older women that aren't worthy of consideration on this site.

Your Dh should have nipped around with your child for a quick cuppa leaving you a bit of alone time to relax and get ready for your lunch rather than you being made to feel guilty

in our families - we both went to our own mothers yesterday freeing up today & I don’t deal with his mothers comments or guilt trips (not that she was too bad but she does make snidey comments at times)

shes nice but I have enough problems of me own without taking on his family

@MrsMullerBecameABaby
DD has a DSD who will see her DM in the morning - go to lunch with her DFs DM and come to my house this evening

This is what I've done :)

Lie in and a brew in bed, dh nipped to see his own mother then I've been out of the house since before lunchtime. I'm done what I had planned, so I've got a takeaway coffee and just parked up drinking it and MNing.

I'll take the kids to my own mums for a cuppa later. Then dh will cook dinner.

Our day is very easy, my Mum isn't bothered about any family occasions. I sent a card. She text to say it arrived yesterday. Job done. No MiL to take into consideration. DHs Dad's partner is relatively new (18months ish) so no mother/son kind of relationship and has children of her own who she sees today. She's lovely though and is always welcome but has 3 grown up DC to spoil her.

That leaves immediate family only here for Mother's day. Sometimes I'd think I'd like a more involved extended family on my side but then I read a few threads here and change my mind!

I got Jaffa cakes from ds2. Ds1 cooked breakfast - eggs Benedict but bought ham that has something in I react poorly too. We then went on a lovely 3 hour walk to the pub for lunch. Well it would have been lovely if I hadn’t had to nip behind the hedge every half hour or so. (Thankfully rucksack always has loo roll in it).

At the pub I got to watch my nearest and dearest eat lunch because I was not up to food.

But the thought was very much there! So I feel very blessed if a bit peculiar.

Oops wrong thread.

My mum is easy and relaxed, I popped round for afternoon tea yesterday, I took the cake, dad provided the tea. Today my sibling is taking her out for lunch, they asked first, if they hadn’t I would have gone round today or cooked lunch as I refuse to eat out on these special occasions as it is usually over priced and lower standard than a normal Sunday.
No idea what DH has arranged for his mum, but he hasn’t been to see her as he hasn’t left the house!
My DC (adult) live too far away to visit for the day, one sent a card and we had a catch up yesterday. The other doesn’t believe in cards but has called today. When they lived at home I would have had a card, small present and dinner cooked for me.
I am going to cook tonight as I always do on a Sunday, to be fair to DH he cooks more nights than me and I like doing our simple Sunday roast. If I had said I am doing my own stuff, today as it’s Mother’s Day he would have been fine, but I am happier pottering around.

My mum never believed in Mother's Day so we never had to fanny about getting cards or whatever for her, and when my sister and I had kids we both went the same way so ours have never bothered with it. My son is working today anyway - cooking what he describes as overpriced bland shit for demanding, annoying women who spend the whole time whinging at their children. My daughter is working in France for a few months. We spoke this morning, but only because she generally calls Sunday mornings.
My mother in law does like a fuss and that's fine as that's my husbands duty, not mine. He's taken her out for lunch (not where my son works though) and has bought her something or other, but no idea what.

My birthday, however, forget at your peril 😂

My mam always said that mother's day changed once your kids have kids.
We don't see her on mother's Day, but I send her cards and flowers and generally see her a day or 2 before.
Same with MIL.

Mother's and father's Day are days for either DH or I to lie on the sofa and DS to bring us juice and snacks all day

Every year all of this pressure for one bloody day! I saw my mum yesterday and we had dinner with our family, my husband went to see his mum this morning before dropping of ds1 at uni. I'm doing what the hell I want and don't expect everyone to serve or coddle me.

Honestly it's not your problem, it's your husbands. My DH isn't seeing his mum but we've sent cards from us and our DC and a lovely personalised gift which she will love. My mum is out with my brother today so we've sent cards and I'll take her for a nice lunch another time. Both live 1.5 hours away though otherwise I would have popped around.

Today Mother's Day is about me but both kids poorly and miserable and been a bit rubbish 😂

It used to be a bloody nightmare. Mother's Day was largely spent in the car and making small talk.

I do love my MIL so I put up with it. Also, my husband has generally made sure I knew I could have the day at home or a day out if I wanted to.

This year I'm struggling with missing my Mam who died 3 years ago and whose birthday would have been tomorrow so I sent him out to see his Mam with our son.

I don't think there is an easy solution if you have parents who insist on seeing you 'on the day'. I do not do this to my children.

Driving 40 minutes there and 40 minutes back for a cuppa with someone he'll see TOMORROW is ridiculous, no matter what day it is. He's made the right choice and his Mum's partner is out of line to try and guilt trip.

It's so ridiculous! People forget we are mothers too and want to spend time with our own children, not the constant pressure to keep our mothers and mother in laws happy by being out the house most of the day and not being able to relax. Anyway we saw my mum yesterday and mother in law today to break it up a bit.

This
its such a pity some people are ruining these events by being so greedy and unreasonable.

I have a few friends where the whole day seemed to be dictated by the MIL and their demands. Sad really.

I have a friend who always ended up hosting her MIL and DM who would get pissed with her DH, she used to say it was the worst day of the year for her. She even did it when they got divorced one year. She quite rightly refused to acknowledge it as a day now.

Since having kids, we have never done anything on Mother's Day with our own mothers. We do send cards and flowers. If we lived closer we'd probably pop in for a cup of tea but we live nearly an hour away from both sets of parents.

DH's sister doesn't have kids and she usually takes their mum out for a girly day, afternoon tea or something like that. Not something that DH would probably be invited to anyway.

DH and the kids usually take me out for lunch or something like that.

It's never been an issue before, however my mum has recently been through a really tough time. I've been helping them out, driving her places etc. My sister lives far away and probably feels guilty that she can't help out. She had a go at me today for not going to see mum today after all she'd been through. It was awful, she really upset me, and I've not enjoyed the rest of the day. I've not spent Mother's Day with her for at least 5 years, so didn't really feel the need to change that today, and I will be seeing her within the next week. But my sister thought this was outrageous and selfish of me, so I've felt the rest of the day feeling pretty rubbish to be honest!

I think you need to prioritise your own family. Sadly it’s not possible to keep everyone happy sometimes. If I were you I’d get the wider family used to you doing more as a small family and prioritising that.

I saw my mum yesterday and my MIL isn’t local so we didn’t have this issue with Mother’s Day. However we have for Xmas and a few years ago I told them that for Xmas we stay home by ourself and we see them/others on other days over Xmas. Re set their expectations .

If we had arranged to see mil the day after I wouldn't plan to see her on Mother's Day too. I'd stay out of it it's up to ur dh.

Mothers Day should be banned! It seems to cause so much disruption. I was delighted to have a card from DC but didn't expect them to host me for anything. A text would have been just as good. On the other hand there's another post where a working wife with teenagers hasn't had a thing done for her - when she seems to be live in maid and cook and earner. And then there are the grans who expect DC with their own grans or MILS to drop everything to come to celebrate them from 4 hours away. It's all daft. And driven by people who want your money for chocolates, cards and flowers all overpriced.

I'm following you down this line, just 10 years behind and minus the sister. (I do however get to see dh's brother's wife posting about her lovely day, as BiL doesn't live locally so it's always down to us to ensure neither mum is sat at home alone.

Dh tries to make it nice for me, but it's hard when I'm only a third of the consideration and the actual day is largely spent around organising collecting and dropping off as neither of them drive.

On the flip side, if we're desperate for a babysitter then either will happily oblige, which BiL and SiL don't have.

Again just came to say thanks for the replies and balanced views and opinions!

We’ve had a quiet day and it’s been really lovely & going to bed feeling very content! I’m glad that it’ll hopefully set the tone for future “big days” (I don’t see them as this, neither do my family but PIL do). Not heard anything further from MIL or her partner so I’m hopeful they’re over the “disappointment” of not seeing DH & our DS today and are going to be pleasant when round for dinner tomorrow 😬

Hope you all had a lovely day whether that was spent on the sofa, out for dinner or running around after everyone x