How do you juggle Mother’s Day as a mum with a mum and a MIL!?

[Sunshinejeans]

Just that really.. I’m a fairly new mum with a 18m old & very early pregnant with #2. My mum lives 5 minutes away and MIL lives 40 minutes away.

For context I don’t buy gifts for DH family.. they’re his family and that’s for him to sort. He’s arranged a card and flowers to be delivered to his mum today and we’re seeing them for dinner tomorrow as we host them every 2 weeks for dinner. He’s had a call from his mums partner today asking what time he’s coming over to see her (no plans had been made and he messaged her this morning to wish her a nice Mother’s Day she doesn’t like talking on the phone hence the message and not a call) she is taking her mum & dad out for lunch with her partner so not sat at home solo). DH has 1 sibling who lives out the country so all the expectations fall to him, I’ve said I have absolutely no issue with him going over to his mums for a cuppa today but he quite simply doesn’t want too. I am seeing my mum this morning for a cuppa and DH is taking me out for late lunch with our DS & he said to his mums partner that he won’t be popping over today as he’s taking me out but looks forward to seeing them tomorrow and hope they have a nice lunch out with his grandparents today (his mum messaged saying thanks for the card and gift so we know they’ve been received) but his mums partner has since messaged saying “it’s shame you can’t pop in on your mum today.”

Now sat here feeling a bit sh*t about it all and have no idea how we’re meant to juggle everyone and everything.. ever since we had DS it feels like Christmas & certain days like today have become a battle of who gets the most time and tbh I really couldn’t give a crap if DH went there for the day with DS and I had a day of silence but he wouldn’t ever do that.

So I’m sorry for the waffle but just love to hear what everyone else does as I can’t deal with this every year!!

I agree that MD just becomes another day of too many expectations and trying to fit everyone in, I don't really enjoy it for that reason.

For the last few years I've invited both mum's over for dinner on MD but they both just sit there on their bums and don't even offer to make a cuppa so I end up running round after them, even if DH cooks I end up helping/cleaning up/making drinks. My mum doesn't even ever wish me a happy mother's day or acknowledge that the day is about me as well!

So this year I didn't do it. DH went to his mum's for tea last night with DC and I went to my mum's for a couple of hours this morning with cake and I think that worked ok.

Jealous of those with chilled out Mums. I’ve had a row today with my mum who started it because I invited her for a walk rather than over to my house. I didn’t know one of the options was so offensive.

So sick of my extended family, have had an atrocious Mothers Day as a result.

In my opinion it’s those with small kids who need the running around after them, not the generation above.

I have to say I agree with this.

I've always felt that the focus should be on the mum who actually mothers her children - cooks, cleans, clothes washing, school run etc. I love my mum dearly, but she doesn't do any of that (for me) any more, particularly as we live a fair distance apart from each other.
I might feel differently if she was local and very hands on.

Back to your original question, I've never met MIL, sadly she died before DH and I met. Up until about 5 years ago we always saw my Mum, but we've changed that recently as my brother never bothered at all, and I felt, as above, that it was a bit sad that I never got to do what I wanted for Mother's Day .

So we see her usually the weekend before.

Normally rush around seeing them all. Pleasing everyone else. Then dinner baths etc for school tomorrow.
But we saw mil and dm yesterday.
So today was more chilled. And no rushing

Start things as you want them to go. If you would not be bothered if your husband took your son for a few hours to visit his mom, speak up and let him know that this would be a win/win for both you and his mom. You get some quiet time ( and with a second child coming you will want him to develop an awareness that you will occasionally want some quiet" me time. ") and his mom gets to see son and grandchild on Mother's Day.

I would assume that as her partner has made a point of asking that this is something that the mom seems to want.

I saw my mum the day before and then I let other half worry about his mum and just go with the flow.

As that generation loves to say "I'm done raising children" I see it as my time to enjoy mother's day with my own children as they've had their time, which we are so often reminded of.

I went out with my mum and sister yesterday while my DH took the dc to see his mum, he then brought the dc back to see my mum once we were back.
We spent today together with our dc.

Not sure what is to juggle. Maybe because we live further away there is not expectation from anyone to do anything. My mum got a card and a gift. His mum didn't as he did nothing. We did our own Mother's Day thing here. As adults we can make our own decisions.