To ask everyone to be grateful for their Mother's Day gifts?

[MyMumsOnMN]

Am I being unreasonable to ask everyone to be grateful for whatever gifts they do/don't get for mothers day tomorrow?

I've seen a few threads on here tonight from selfish cows people expecting their kids to have done a better job and tried harder.

Some people will be dreading tomorrow so if you're lucky enough to be able to spend it with you mum/kids then just be grateful.

I couldn't agree more. It's not a race to the bottom - some people are happy with very little/acknowledgement and a cup of tea, and that's great, but it may be more complicated for people who don't have a good relationship with their kids/can't see them very often/get absolutely no acknowledgement the rest of the year. It's not black and white, really, is it?

Thinking of all those for whom Mother's Day will be hard this year 💐

I would have been happy with my 12 year old son even wishing me a happy Mother’s Day. Not as much as that or a hug. Horrid drive to his sport with the radio on with constant Mother’s Day shout outs on. My hdu has not even pulled him up on it. So hurtful

Eh

My husband knows I have a bowel disorder and can’t eat chocolate.

Yet what did I get this morning? Chocolate.

Thanks hubby. You are now getting steak full of fat and gristle for Father’s Day.

What OP actually said was that people should be grateful for receiving nothing as long as their loved one is still in existence. I’m on the side of stop socially conditioning women to accept any type of behaviour with that one. It’s fine to expect some sort of effort to be made by someone you care for all year. If they’ve spent time making a card that’s a previous gift but not bothering at all is totally rubbish.

I'm sorry you are feeling upset.

However, as the owner of 11 yo and 13 yo DSs who could equally behave selfishly, I'd say it straight out - 'look, DS, I'd like a hug & a bit of appreciation today. I don't need a gift but I'd like a nice day with you.' Sometimes you need to tell them & move on.

Hope your day gets better.

Yeah I dont get it.

my husband is rubbish with this kind of thing and didn’t get me a card or present but I’m not upset.

he does so much for me and us as a family and will be giving me one of his amazing massages later and waiting on me hand and foot today! And we laughed and said I’ll get myself a box of chocolates and a card and he’ll write in it 🤣

I am grateful for my children and my partner and that’s what matters for me today, not testing whether he ‘remembered’ or whether he got me gifts and cards! I do sometimes wish he was better at those things but it’s really not a big deal to me as the commitment and support he shows to me and us every day is above all of that

YABU for asking people what they should feel.

Sorry if you lost your mother or child/ren or you dont get what you like on mothers day but just let others to breathe.

Ohhhhh I miss the days of school made cards, and the gifts from the PTA run stalls, lol, the shoe polish kits, there excited little faces, roll on grandkids
and no I don’t have low standards, I just enjoy the real things in life

Just what i need on mothers day, a pious lecture from some random!

Totally unreasonable. I'm a single parent and won't get a card even as DS is too little.

I'm grateful everyday for my child however doesn't mean I wouldn't like a card from ex though...

I bought my own present and haven't been given it yet.

I'm really lucky in that all 3 DCs got me lovely stuff and wrote nice things in cards. I'm on my way to my own mum to treat her to afternoon tea. DS2 was upset that he got me one thing while the others got me two, he is ND and these things matter to him.
It is a tough day though, my DSis died nearly 4 years ago and DBro is NC with us all.

I get nothing, as always, not even a fucking text. DH doesn’t remind them (I always badger them into remembering Father’s Day and at least getting a card). DC are away at university so no, we won’t be spending time together either. When the kids were home, if I wanted to go out for lunch or dinner on Mother’s Day I had to organise it myself.
My mother is dead. She wasn’t a nice person. I still sent cards, flowers and gifts every year if I wasn’t able to see her.

Do I still have to pretend to be grateful? Because I’m not. I’m disappointed every Mother’s Day and most birthdays. If I say so they just pull faces.

I agree that people shouldn’t whine about getting presents that they feel aren’t good enough, but telling people to be grateful presumably just because they have living children and / or a living mother isn’t fair.

@Testina I agree. We shouldn’t be telling people not to have feelings on the grounds that they at least have children or a mum.

It’s tricky. In theory I know it’s a load of baloney. However it’s hard not to feel unappreciated if no one bothers. And yes we shouldn’t compare to others. It’s hard not to though when SM shows you all the flowers everyone else gets etc.

A home made card would be fine. Especially if they are small. I got a bought card from one teen. The others didn’t bother signing it as he ‘forgot’. DH should gee them up to sort it but he’s worse than them. Never gets me a decent present unless I basically buy it myself. . I have learned to live with it. It’s pathetic of me really that I care.

A £1 bunch of daffs would have thrilled me. Just no one here gave a shit to bother. So yes, I probably am a bit ungrateful.

Couldn't agree more. My kids have made hand made cards and bought me the smallest box of chocks imaginable. Do I care? No I don't. I know my kids love me and I don't need them to go overboard for a commercialised day probably created by hallmark as a means of making money.

I do not have a relationship with my mother for a host of reasons, haven't for almost 19 years and it still fucking hurts that's she chose to abandon her children and make the abysmal life choices she did. It was even more magnified when I became a mother myself. It gets harder year on year on the special days, her birthday, Mother's Day, my kids birthdays (who have never even met her and I think about what she's missed out on), my wedding day and subsequent anniversaries, my birthday, Christmas etc etc.

I'm incredibly lucky I have a fabulous father who has gone above and beyond in terms of loving and protecting me and an amazing mother in law who I have the best relationship with but I always wonder why and what the hell I did to make my mother not love me enough to stay and for her to make the choices she did.

I don't have kids yet but have always made quite a big deal of Mothers Day with my own mum. When me and my sister were little it would have been handmade cards and breakfast in bed prompted by dad (who got her flowers or something similar), when we were older and had pocket money to spend we'd buy her something.

Now that I'm an adult and have a disposable income, I spend quite a bit on my mum throughout the year as well as on Mother's Day, her birthday etc. Not because I equate love with money or because I routinely treat her like shit and feel the need to make up for it... but because I actually quite like her and want her to have a nice life? She's had an extremely difficult life, topped off by spending 20 years as a full time carer to my older sister to the severe detriment of her own physical mental health (and, realistically, there's only so much that breakfast in bed once a year could have really mitigated that).

Now, I appreciate that that's s quite a specific situation. But I find it quite sad when such little regard is given to mothers by their adult/teenage children or by husbands who should be prompting younger children. My colleague waxed lyrical last year because her 17 year old gave her a cup of tea and remembered to say Happy Mothers Day to her and "she barely speaks to me most of the time".

That's not "not being grabby", that's being so accustomed to being treated like shit by your own children that you're over the moon at the barest hint of recognition.

Devoutspoken…..are you referring to me ?