Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask everyone to be grateful for their Mother's Day gifts?

142 replies

MyMumsOnMN · 18/03/2023 22:04

Am I being unreasonable to ask everyone to be grateful for whatever gifts they do/don't get for mothers day tomorrow?

I've seen a few threads on here tonight from selfish cows people expecting their kids to have done a better job and tried harder.

Some people will be dreading tomorrow so if you're lucky enough to be able to spend it with you mum/kids then just be grateful.

OP posts:
Wotnowconfused · 19/03/2023 06:36

I know I can't get over some Mother's expectations.
I took DS to the shops to get something for Mamma, he insisted that he's got something for her. He's made a book mark in school that he is delighted with ànd feels this is the perfect gift made with love. I tend to agree, a gift from the heart is worth more than anything commercial.
Mamma will have a lie in, breakfast in bed and a nice bubble bath run before a trip out later in the day.
Appreciate the motive and thought please not the monetary value.

CatMattress · 19/03/2023 06:42

Dd8 and I got up at 5am for no good reason. We're cuddled up on the sofa under blankets, with the cats, watching Disney princess films, drinking tea and waiting for the boys to get up. She has completely forgotten it's mothers day but a close family member has had a baby recently and talking to her is reminding me of my first mother's day with DD, spent in hospital with her in NICU and I'm just so grateful to get to spend time with her because of that visceral sense of absence when she was in NICU and not in my arms.

Thinking of all mothers without children and children without mothers today xx

Theunamedcat · 19/03/2023 06:43

Nimbostratus100 · 19/03/2023 01:26

I've walked out of churches where people have given out flowers on Mother's day, in anger at the sheer waste and environmental damage. Somebody chased me once with a bunch of flowers as I was leaving, and were surprised when I said no thanks, I was leaving because I didn't want flowers

Show quote history

Our church grew our own flowes to give away its hardly waste and environmental damage if they make someone happy and then get composted

Fudgewomble · 19/03/2023 06:45

I’ve got / will receive nothing - DC aged 13 and 10 and I live with DH. My own DM passed away recently.

Lex345 · 19/03/2023 06:59

I'm not sure my 3 even know its mothers day, but tbh I am really not bothered at all. I have a long standing aversion to mother's day due to my own mother, who I am completely NC with.

I thought for most people, it was a card and bunch of flowers, but it sounds like a lot more effort and expense is involved! Feel a bit sorry for the poster who has a list of demands from their mum for what seems to me to be an optional gesture on a random day in the year!

LuckyDonna · 19/03/2023 07:03

I've sent flowers via interflora to be delivered, more expensive than I'd like but worth it to avoid actually having to go and see my mum. She can put it on Facebook and the pretence that she's been a decent mother can continue.

SquashPenguin · 19/03/2023 07:11

Some of the people moaning need to take a long hard look at themselves. There are plenty of people who use this forum desperate for a child and can’t have one. Just the chance to be called ‘mum’ would be enough, but to see others whinging that they didn’t get the present they asked for? Come on it’s not a birthday or Christmas.

BernadetteIsMySister · 19/03/2023 07:13

I see the moany minnie threads have started, at least three in Active already!

HarlanPepper · 19/03/2023 07:20

You're not likely to get the best response from anyone by calling them a selfish cow, even if you do score it out (why bother?) You don't know people's circumstances. Personally I'm happy with a card and a cup of tea, MD is not a big deal in our house, but for other people it is.

Mumsnet is such a competitive, toxic place - every other thread seems to be about how other women aren't doing something right. Be nice if we just gave each other a break for a day. That would be something to celebrate.

iamnottoofatiamjusttooshort · 19/03/2023 07:23

I don't think I'm a selfish cow for being disappointed
A cup of tea , a call or text would make me happy

IhearyouClemFandango · 19/03/2023 07:25

Honestly. If you're too dim to recognise that on the whole, people aren't complaining about the gift or lack of, but the lack of thought/care/consideration/appreciation (on the part of the other parent normally) then what makes you think you're in the position to share your 'thoughts'?

Sometherusername · 19/03/2023 07:29

The mother's day present from my 2.5yr old's nursery was an (actual glass!) wine glass decorated with pen which washed off at the first hint of fairy. I'm grateful but also don't think it's the nursery's finest hour tbh 😵‍💫

Haven't opened the present DD bought with her dad but she's already told me it's a cuddly mummy panda with a baby panda which is obviously really for her but very cute ❤️

Dyrne · 19/03/2023 07:29

To be honest I find the competitive race to the bottom just as irritating as the people who moan.

ohfook · 19/03/2023 07:31

We're all in different boats and I don't think calling people selfish cows because they have certain expectations or hopes is particularly fair.

In my experience people who feel appreciated and loved by their family all year round are happy with a cuppa and a lie in on Mother's Day. The people who get cross at lack of thought or effort, you often find, it's part of a bigger picture of feeling unappreciated or overlooked and this one day becomes a bit of a focus as perhaps it's easier to start by dealing with one day before you build up to the bigger problems!

I find Valentine's Day similar tbh.

Original poster
MyMumsOnMN · 19/03/2023 07:32

LolaSmiles · 19/03/2023 06:32

Yabu op; we shouldn’t judge other people being disappointed if, as per so many posts on here, their dh has yet again not bought anything or helped the small kids to sort out Mother’s Day
I don't think the OP is saying to be grateful if DH yet again doesn't bother to do anything.
I read it as more be grateful if your children have made you a card and are really proud they helped do breakfast, be grateful for the thought and the effort, instead of being annoyed that you didn't get jewellery or whatever other presents you think you should have.

Yesterday there was already a thread by a poster who told her child in advance that she didn't like the present and the child needed to change it by mother's day. There was also claims yesterday that a card and a bunch of daffs were having a low expectations and that surely nobody would be grateful for such a rubbish gift. It's that sort of attitude I think the OP is cautioning against.

This exactly. There will be loads of kids out there who won't be able to get 'much' but will still try and spoil their mums the best they can, even if it just means a card and some flowers or a picture. And for a lot of people spending time together will be the best they get and a lot of people will be happy with that.

I don't want to upset anyone by starting this thread. I know that today will be harder for some than others.

Anyway, I hope everyone has the best day possible, whatever their circumstances this year.

Happy Mother's Day x

OP posts:
Escapetofrance · 19/03/2023 07:35

With younger dc, it’s the normally the dad who gets the gift. So, if they put in a tiny bit of effort to get something that the mother would appreciate, everyone is happy. It’s about feeling appreciated, acknowledged and cared for.

Idroppedthescrewinthetuna · 19/03/2023 07:42

I put my youngest to bed last night and she said 'mummy are you excited for mothers day'

I said of course, I love it I get extra special cuddles from my beaut.
Her reply was the meaning of mothers day for me 'aah mummy I am going to give you the bestest cuddles all day'

I know I have presents, DP is amazing at stuff like that. But my daughter didn't mention them. She knew that all I care about is the snuggles I get.

I will be spending a lot of today studying for an exam. I know my kids will be there next to me snuggling me. Its all that matters.

As a mother on mothers day I do not wake up with an aching heart, I get to hold my children. I just cannot fathom how many mothers moan about the lack of effort. You get to hold your kids...that should be enough.

I am about to send a message to somebody who can't hold her child today. Words fail me when I see women moan about no lie in!

bibbybox · 19/03/2023 07:45

I'm surprised by the amount of threads already. It's not even 8am!
Perhaps my expectations are low but i'm quite happy with flowers & a homemade card/gift. Yes I will get breakfast in bed but I do most Sundays.

Testina · 19/03/2023 07:47

@Idroppedthescrewinthetuna “Words fail me when I see women moan about no lie in!”

And yet, you’ve just smugly posted about your daughter who appears to understand the true meaning of Mother’s Day…

And if your daughter had said nothing?
And nobody remembered tomorrow?
And your husband was less wonderful and you were trying to balance study tomorrow with kids climbing over you - not to give you “extra Mother’s Day snuggles” but for regular old demanding attention - and your husband was gaming or golfing and leaving you to it…

Then, should you not complain because some women can’t hold their children?

Bullshit.

HibiscusYellow · 19/03/2023 07:56

I think it’s often how you feel on the other days. I’m happy with a cuddle, but I feel generally loved and respected. I have daily things done to make me happy, small things like being offered tea or a throng I need when I flop, and I talked to nicely.

I can appreciate some women are justifiably feeling unappreciated. Ignoring today is just another slap in the face in context of a lot of festering resentment

Idroppedthescrewinthetuna · 19/03/2023 07:56

Bullshit? Oh wow. Well I never complained i. Old relationship when my eldest only knew about mothers day due to the fact school made it a thing.

Don't worry, I know what its like to not be thought about on mothers day.

I still never complained. I had my kids. Do not call bullshit! I know what it is like to be in a horrendously abusive relationship where he didn't give a crap.

My and my eldest have been through the works! That man is no longer here. He moved his abuse to my daughter until he decided to take his own life.

Damned cheek calling me smug.

MooseBreath · 19/03/2023 07:56

Mother's Day is hard for some people due to loss, infertility, abuse, etc. I really feel for these people.

That said I'm not going to expect nothing from my family who I care for every day simply because others are having a tough time. I deserve recognition for my efforts. A homemade card and someone else making dinner is enough for me, but I'll be damned if I can't complain about this not happening on Mumsnet of all places.

As it happens, my DH has helped my children make an effort today. But loads of women haven't had effort made and it's ok to moan about that.

LolaSmiles · 19/03/2023 08:01

I can appreciate some women are justifiably feeling unappreciated. Ignoring today is just another slap in the face in context of a lot of festering resentment
I can see that too.
I must confess though I struggle with the idea that the right gift on mother's day makes up for being unappreciated for the remaining 364 days in a year.

In a situation like that I'd not be moaning about a lack of mother's day gift. I'd be moaning about the fact that my DH is an inconsiderate arse all year round.

Minieggbrownies · 19/03/2023 08:05

Well any mum should be happy with a homemade card and a bar of chocolate/bunch of daffodils.

The threads moaning that they didn't get a perfect gift are ridiculous.

But I do think it's properly shit when a dad can't even be bothered to help arrange a card and a cuppa in bed. It might be a stupid day but it's one that most people celebrate and it takes a tiny effort to arrange some flowers or chocolate.

RumandSpinach · 19/03/2023 08:07

LolaSmiles · 19/03/2023 08:01

I can appreciate some women are justifiably feeling unappreciated. Ignoring today is just another slap in the face in context of a lot of festering resentment
I can see that too.
I must confess though I struggle with the idea that the right gift on mother's day makes up for being unappreciated for the remaining 364 days in a year.

In a situation like that I'd not be moaning about a lack of mother's day gift. I'd be moaning about the fact that my DH is an inconsiderate arse all year round.

True, but feeling angry about 0 consideration is part of the process in realising your DH is a useless twat.

I've had 6 miscarriages. I am so grateful for my living DS4 and for my own mum but if I was up at 6am with no recognition I'd be pissed and it's OK to talk about that on a parenting forum.