To ask everyone to be grateful for their Mother's Day gifts?

[MyMumsOnMN]

Am I being unreasonable to ask everyone to be grateful for whatever gifts they do/don't get for mothers day tomorrow?

I've seen a few threads on here tonight from selfish cows people expecting their kids to have done a better job and tried harder.

Some people will be dreading tomorrow so if you're lucky enough to be able to spend it with you mum/kids then just be grateful.

In a word, no.

It's a funny old day Mothers day isn't it? It makes so many people feel so shit.
I am lying in bed missing the days when my two DD's (now teens) Used to run in at 6am with their home made cards and questionable attempts at breakfast, when they were littles.
They are both at their Dads this weekend as it's his weekend with them, one is going to work and other will come round to us later. My two Step sons are at their Mums and they aren't really allowed by her to ring us when they are there, but they have left me cards and such which I will open soon. My DH is in bed with horrible flu.
Overall it feels a bit sad which is so silly as it's just a day and I'm very lucky to have two healthy DD's and two lovely SDS's.

My DD rang me up to ask what I wanted as she was a bit stuck, proceeded to tell me the budget and then told me I wouldn’t get what I had suggested as she had been given an idea. She then asked me what time my alarm was set for so she could set hers earlier to get up first. I’ve told her to stay in bed until she’s ready to wake. I live the fact she’s thought about it, I don’t care what she’s got, she’s thought about it.

This comes across as a really pious post.

Look at me, I'm so wonderful, just little old crumbs are enough for little old me.

Women face enough social pressure to continually martyr themselves at the altar of men and children. They're expected to be pretty, be slim, be kind and do all of the shit work in life by many many people in society.

Maybe you should change your title to AIBU to ask mum's to remember that they deserve to be treated with a modicum of respect and decency all of the time, but on this ONE SINGLE DAY of the year that deserve to be at the very top of the priority list for a change to reflect the massive sacrifices involved in being a mother?

MIL died a few weeks ago. The funeral is this week. The whole family is still grieving, including me. I thought this week

”I must remind DH to send his DM some flowers!”

Then I remembered she’s not there any more! (She lived 3.5 hours away from us)

Catuscatish
Why do you think it's pious, martyring and settling for crumbs to encourage people to be grateful for the thought and appreciation on mother's day instead of moaning that the gifts aren't good enough?

How depressing that people enjoying time with their children, acts of kindness, handmade cards and small token gifts is considered to be little old us settling for crumbs.

If someone genuinely feels that the only way to judge how their DH and children feel about them is if they get expensive jewellery or perfume and a big bouquet of flowers on one day a year, then there's some serious issues in the relationship and/or the person needs to consider why they equate levels of appreciation to amount of money spent.

This - I find it more irritating. ‘Oh I’m so sensible and no nonsense me, happy with a squashed daffodil and a glance in my direction!’

As other posters have said, it’s all about context. I got some flowers picked from the garden and some homemade cards and I’m more than happy with that but that’s because it’s part of a bigger picture of feeling appreciated in our family. If I felt unappreciated generally and that was all I got I’m not sure I’d feel happy with it.

It's all well and good to say that husbands and children should show appreciation to their wives and mothers every day. If this is your reality, count yourself very lucky.

The reality is that motherhood is often a long thankless slog, and Mother's Day is the one day per year that some women get recognition. This happens for single women, SAHMs, working mums, grandmothers, foster mums, mums whose children have disabilities, mums whose spouses have disabilities, and so many more.

Those with perfect families who always pull their weight need to lay off the women who are asking for just a little appreciation.

God yes this with bells on!!
So many smug posters totally missing the point!

It's one of those bittersweet days that never lives up to the hype, like New Years Eve.

Agreed. It's become about comparing to other mum's, instead of being about your kids.

Complain enough and your kids will stop bothering altogether.

Both of mine are ND with HFA.
Celebrations matter to me, so I built it into their lives until it became part of their routines. So they knew that on a special day, you give/receive cards and small gifts, say something appropriate. Make an effort.
So you don’t forget, you mark it on calendars, give yourself a prompt the week before.
Social interactions had to be directly taught, NV communication confused them and still does, so wishes, expectations and the rest need to be explicit and spoken.
Now they’re adults, they remember birthdays, celebrations and days that are important to those that they care about. Not excessively, or with vast sums of money, but they know it’s important and what to do about it.
If you love someone, you should bother with stuff that’s important to them, whether it matters to you or not.

MooseBreath
I don't think the OP, or anyone actually, has said zero appreciation is acceptable. There's some really sad threads where husband's have made no effort and mocked their wives for caring. That's absolutely unacceptable and cruel.

But some people seem to equate appreciation with being bought stuff and spending money, so seem to have a bizarre view that women who are happy with gestures of appreciation instead of expensive gifts are somehow downtrodden, martyrs, accepting crumbs,

If a child takes the time to make a card is that worse than them spending £5 on a moonpig one? Does a child who helps dad make breakfast for mum love or appreciate their mother less than the child with a father who calls in at a perfume store on Saturday afternoon to buy a fancy bottle of perfume? Do the families who have a nice afternoon out love each other less and appreciate mum less than the families who book a table for Sunday lunch at an expensive gastro pub? Does the a DH who helps their child gives their mum a bunch of daffs, just like he did as a child to his mum, love and appreciate the mother less than the DH who presents an expensive bouquet from a florist?
The way some posters on here carry on, they absolutely do equate the expensive option with being loved and appreciated more.

YABU. Let people feel how they want about their lives and circumstances. It's actually refreshing to see that some women have standards for how they expect to be treated, after so many depressing posts on here where posters have normalised being treated so thoughtlessly and callously.

I've been given 2 bought cards and 1 homemade card, the homemade one means so much more although I love them all and would never let on. Also a heart keyring that my youngest very earnestly told me "I didn't buy it mummy, I found it in your room" very happy with these, and a cuddle!

Thanks for this. I haven’t even got a card as my DH couldn’t be bothered and my DS is autistic. BUT I am now doing a ‘snoop dogg’ and celebrating and thanking myself for being a great mum and putting everything I have into advocating for my son and trying to make his life better. I don’t need acknowledgment or thanks from anyone else. I know I do a great job and I’m proud of myself. I really struggled to become a mum and I am grateful that I have a child as many don’t or have lost theirs. Will go online and buy myself an expensive treat.

@Testina

Totally agree.

I esp cringe when the mum's day gift is dad behind the scenes " allowing" mum to have an extra special lie in!!

My kids are too young. But they're dad could have done a lot better!

What an excellent and spot on post. Exactly this. I don’t care about Mother’s Day or my anniversary but I am privileged to have a strong marriage and a generally thoughtful, happy thirteen year old. If you feel you are not in the best place with any relationship then this day just puts the tin lid on it doesn’t it. It’s never about the lack of card or present.

I agree.

For instance some people may have very little money to spend on themselves, so gifts matter more

If I want something then (within reason) I can just buy it. So it's easy for me to appreciate the gift for the sentiment. But I can sympathize that someone who can't do that might hold more store by a gift.

Also, in some households the burden of housework and caring falls really heavily on the mother still. So again I can understand wanting some real acknowledgment of that. In more equal households it's probably easier to be cool about a bunch of daffs and a cup of still warm coffee

I'm over the moon because Son 1 (32, fly by night, wherever he lays his hat is his home) has sent me some money to spend on books. Son 2 (22, often a bit nowty and impatient with me) has given me a bunch of flowers and a card which he has written lovely words in.

These two have driven me to the point of insanity over the years, I'm more than grateful to be recongnised for everything I do for them on Mother's Day.

I always try to keep in mind, they didn't ask to be born, they owe me nothing. I brought them into the world, I owe them everything.

@IAmTheWalrus85

Indeed! 😂.

@JaffaCake70

That's very sweet of your boys and your lucky

Totally agree also they didn't ask to be here.

I Csnt bear the sense of entitlement from some.

It's just nice to be genuinely appreciated in whatever form that takes eg little token.

However when dc are younger they do need adult input and that's usually where the problems come in because it's dad who let's the side down

I've been on here for donkeys. Every year it's the same.

A few spoiled and ungrateful posts.

Dozens of women who have had yet another reminder of how little their efforts are appreciated by their families.

And a few pious posters missing the point about the second group. I hope none of them have ever moaned about one of the smaller problems in their lives - if your friend has ever annoyed you, well how dare you complain, my best friend is dead. Likewise their dad. Remember - for all bar the most horrific bereavements, there's always someone who would prefer your problems to their own. It's ok to have a moan and let off steam.

. I don’t care about Mother’s Day or my anniversary but I am privileged to have a strong marriage and a generally thoughtful, happy thirteen year old. If you feel you are not in the best place with any relationship then this day just puts the tin lid on it doesn’t it. It’s never about the lack of card or present.
Great post. Actually I was just talking to DH about some of the more bizarre posts on here today and he said something very similar.

If you're in a loving and respectful relationship where both parents do their fair share with give and take on both sides, you're probably less likely to feel like you need fancy jewellery or perfume or a lot of gifts and meal bookings and a day to be pampered in order to feel valued.
Some people in general are obsessed with gifts, buying, and equating money with love, but for some people they need to cling to the idea of the right fancy gift on mother's day because it softens the fact they're putting up with crap for the rest of the year.