To ask everyone to be grateful for their Mother's Day gifts?

[MyMumsOnMN]

Am I being unreasonable to ask everyone to be grateful for whatever gifts they do/don't get for mothers day tomorrow?

I've seen a few threads on here tonight from selfish cows people expecting their kids to have done a better job and tried harder.

Some people will be dreading tomorrow so if you're lucky enough to be able to spend it with you mum/kids then just be grateful.

I've just opened my mother's day card from my son. Lovely words and that will do for me.
Just be happy to spend time with your children.

er no. Some people have young dc and terrible dh’s who don’t make any effort. mum have every right to feel upset on Mother’s Day if their family make no effort. Other people having more difficult/sad circumstances doesn’t mean they can’t have feelings.

This sort of unthinking smug attitude is the problem, though. Yes, it is lovely that your son wrote you a thoughtful card, and that you get to spend time with him. You assume that everyone should 'just be happy' to spend time with their children. But plenty of people don't have that luxury. There are women whose entire time with their children is clouded by abusive ex's, or by fear things are going wrong. There are women who won't possibly be able to take Sunday off just because it's Mothering Sunday. There are mothers of grown children who don't get to see them, and mothers of children who are separated from them.

Saying you are happy 'just' to spend time with your children is all very well, but please try to recognise that some of the mums who may seem, to you, to be putting strange emphases on gifts or actions, may be those who know Mothering Sunday will be a rather sad day.

My husband let slip that my daughter has been crocheting me a jumper for weeks. It's the most lurid shade of purple. I will love it and treasure it and wear it until it falls to pieces.

How about, for some tomorrow will be lovely and for others it’ll be hard. Let’s just feel how we feel with no worry about others judging us?

I really am so sorry for your loss xxx

Yes, this.

"My mum passed away this week… I have to get up tomorrow and smile for my very loving children. Would much rather do or have nothing x"

I'm so sorry xx

"I’ve got 4 girls, eldest is 20 and at uni, others teenagers, I won’t get anything for Mother’s Day, not even a card, even though I do so much for everyone and have struggled so much -because I have no DH or DP to make a fuss and the girls are all ND and forget/it’s too much trouble/better things to spend their money on. So yeah it does get a bit grating when people are moaning their gifts/meals/coffee in bed isn’t good enough lol"

Lol? What the fuck? 4 kids and not one of them acknowledges Mother's Day?

Oh yes, with bells on. Happy Mothers Day to all the wonderful Mums everywhere celebrating in the morning & be happy if you can be together or share something with your kids on the day.

Its become very very commercialised - all around the world - & I think that the idea of thanking & remembering our Mums has been lost with the rush to buy bigger, better (& more expensive) gifts instead.

A handwritten card, maybe a cup of tea made for you & a cuddle are all lovely thoughtful things to receive from those who love you the most. I used to just wish my lot didnt fight (between themselves) for just one day of peace - any thing else was a bonus! 😍

God, how I feel this! I tell my kids I don’t want them spending much, am happy with a nice bar of soap or favourite sweets. My own mother, meanwhile, doesn’t want: flowers, chocolates, anything else edible, anything for the house, scented candles, anything bath and body, champagne, books she won’t like (break out the crystal ball), scarves….my sister suggested we go halves on a Gucci belt 😂😂😂
I got her some White Company cashmere bed socks. I’m betting socks will be on the forbidden list for next year

Absolutely! It's like the way wedding proposals are. All I expect is a lovely ring, a romantic kiss, and a holiday to Paris. Anything else is a bonus! I can't think why other people aren't happy with their lot.

Your post is the unthinking one.
My son is a young adult with his own son now.
You have absolutely zero idea of the life I have led and the experiences we have gone through to get to this point.
When I said it's just nice to spend time with your children it was thinking of my own experiences with my son. His childhood was very difficult then teenage years just horrendous.
We have now come to a time in our lives where we are entering a different phase in our relationship that I never thought we would have.
Apologies if I touched a nerve with you my post was not meant to come across as smug. Tbh I sent my son a text yesterday inviting him over for lunch today and I've yet to hear back, yet I know he is on his phone all the time.
I hope he does come over. All I meant was time spent with a loved one is the best gift. Mothers day seems to cause so much unrest over gifts given and gifts not given.
And yes I know mothering Sunday can be very hard for some myself included as my own lovely Mum is no longer with me.

No, I thought hard. I thought about why people might not feel simply 'happy' about Mothering Sunday.

I get why you say you were just thinking about your own experiences with your son. It sounds as if you had a really rough time, and I am so sorry for that. But - you can't just think about yourself, and judge people. It's not fair. It's really important to recognise that people react really different to these sorts of 'significant' events.

I agree with you that, for some, spending time with loved ones is the best gift. But ... we are all different. It matters to remember those people for whom this is not the best gift - people who are estranged from family, or who know their families can't manage a visit; people who would love only too much to be with family, but know it will end in more hurt. I do understand you are upset and hurt and it feels as if you're missing out (and so many of us are), but I still do honestly think it's fairer and better to realise that people who don't seem to celebrate the way you do may still be doing their best.

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your mother.

I don’t care about cards or gifts the best thing for me is just to be with them. No demands, no expectations. It’s enough just to see them, spend time with them, and to share love with them. My daughters have children at university who can’t be with them so we spend the day together. I know I am lucky and that we are not all the same but it’s not Christmas, it’s not your birthday, it’s really just a day for appreciating family, just being loved for being their mum - not expecting gifts. For me just giving out love and receiving it back is enough. Please just accept the day for what it is and stop feeding into the commercial hype.

I've walked out of churches where people have given out flowers on Mother's day, in anger at the sheer waste and environmental damage. Somebody chased me once with a bunch of flowers as I was leaving, and were surprised when I said no thanks, I was leaving because I didn't want flowers

Doesn't the waste and and environmental damage of all that card sending bother you at all though?

Cards and flowers are very much last century, surely we live in more enlightened times now

Kind of agree, but most of us do so much and are the gel that keeps the family running yet so many partners forget this or don't care. Posts about not getting a £50 present are ridiculous but it's not hard to get a card and some flowers and costs less than a fiver, I understand mums feeling unappreciated if they don't even get a card. Bring a mum is hard work and most of the time thankless.

and only getting love and appreciation on one day of the year is pretty dire anyway, getting it today, but no other day out of 365 makes it worthless

Surely it's fine to recognise that Mother's Day means different things to different people?

I've 3 DC, 15,13,11, & I've asked them not to get me any gifts - but I did say, I'd love a day of no squabbling / offers of help as needed! I genuinely mean that. I've no interest, even if they could afford it, in expensive gifts or flowers. I'm a single parent & we are going through an awful time with my exH (courts etc). I'm just grateful we are surviving.

When they were smaller & saw their father a bit, I used to get sad that he wouldn't make the effort to get a present - on their behalf, as they got upset. I'd usually organise a gift for myself from them as they wanted me to have something.

But I fully get that for other mums / families, Mother's Day is much bigger - meals out, flowers, gifts. And that's fine too - I hope they all enjoy their days.

For me, it's what happens throughout the year, not one day. My kids are far from perfect, but they love me, and accept my flaws as a mother & I'm grateful for that. And I'm proud of how they've handled an awful year.

I'm thinking very much of those who have lost children or wanted children and weren't able to have them. It must be very tough on days like this.

Absolutely. Let's not invalidate people's feelings

Yabu op; we shouldn’t judge other people being disappointed if, as per so many posts on here, their dh has yet again not bought anything or helped the small kids to sort out Mother’s Day

My boys have made me cards at school, that's plenty for me ❤️

Yabu op; we shouldn’t judge other people being disappointed if, as per so many posts on here, their dh has yet again not bought anything or helped the small kids to sort out Mother’s Day
I don't think the OP is saying to be grateful if DH yet again doesn't bother to do anything.
I read it as more be grateful if your children have made you a card and are really proud they helped do breakfast, be grateful for the thought and the effort, instead of being annoyed that you didn't get jewellery or whatever other presents you think you should have.

Yesterday there was already a thread by a poster who told her child in advance that she didn't like the present and the child needed to change it by mother's day. There was also claims yesterday that a card and a bunch of daffs were having a low expectations and that surely nobody would be grateful for such a rubbish gift. It's that sort of attitude I think the OP is cautioning against.

100% agree.

This is my first Mother's Day since my mum died without her.

I'm 100's of miles from home with my own ds who won't get me anything for a whole host of reasons.

He'll spend all day thanking me for everything I do for him like he does when I do anything for him.

I'm focussing on what I do have. Life's to short to moan about a card and chocolates on one day of the year.