Son & PRU

[DrainedNFedUp]

In desperate need of help and advice, I don’t really have anyone in real life I can speak to.

I am going to be as transparent as possible with this, there will be no drip feeding. So therefore it’s going to be quiet a long one.

I’m a single parent to my son who is age 13 years of age, I spilt with his father 9 years ago, because I wasn’t happy with his criminal activity, I am going to get into it now.

My sons father was jailed 2 years ago and he will not be coming home until my son is in his 20s.

He has been in prison a many times before, but charges have always been dismissed or he has gotten not guilty at trial, so his stays haven’t been long.

The majority of the time, I liaised with him and we both agreed to tell our son that he was “away” either working abroad or his native country. Which did work, because he would still provide the expensive clothes, gifts and money for days out and holidays etc from in prison.

The last two times, I refused to lie. I had had enough covering from him, and making out that he is a saint when he isn’t. DS finding out the truth did hurt him, but his father would always assure him that everything would be alright and that he would be home soon, and throw money at my son to make him feel better.

He promised my son that he would never go back to prison again, and my son believed him and that if he did, he would never speak to him and not want him to be his dad anymore.

So since he got convicted my sons behaviour has gone down hill. He has gone from that kind, humble (despite being spoilt rotten from his dad) caring and generous, to the complete opposite.

He has been permanently excluded from 3 schools, the first was his primary school. He was permanently excluded from his secondary school on the 6th week of him attending.

Fighting, bullying, being disrespectful to teachers, the last straw was him violently attacking a teacher. I managed to find him another school that would take him, three wouldn’t.

My son has always had the ability to make new friends and fit into friendship groups very easily, but I found out that at the second school, he was using money to buy friends. I was very disappointed in him, because I didn’t understand why he felt the need to do that. Before finding out from him that he just wanted to help them because their parents don’t have a lot of money.

Good few weeks, no complaints, I was beginning to think this was the start of him settling down.

Permanently excluded again, an attack on a student, teacher and damage to window.

He now attends a PRU, I am really not happy because the school is full of children with behavioural problems, so my child is not going to change.

There have been a few incidents just to name a few

1. He went on a school trip, my child decided that he wanted to come home, I receive a phone call saying he has run away and that they’re trying to find him. I am sat at home frantic, school doesn’t allow children to bring in mobile phones, so no way off contacting him. Luckily he found his way home. Resulted in a 3 day exclusion

1. My son was rude to and used foul language towards a younger teaching assistant, reason behind this he made an appropriate comments towards me and asked my son if I was single. Which is totally unacceptable, when I raised this with the head teacher I was told that there was no one around at the time (so basically my son is a liar) my son wouldn’t lie about something like that. Resulted in a 2 day exclusion

1. Teacher wouldn’t let my son out of the classroom to use the toilet; so he climbed out of the window and urinated behind some bins in the playground (classroom was on the ground floor? I don’t agree with him doing this; but I believe he should have allowed to go. Resulted in a 3 day exclusion which I think it ridiculous and a very farfetched

My son threatened to bring a knife to school and kill a teaching assistant (he has admitted) his reason behind it, said teacher is always singling him out and saying that he will not be going on the school trip, he has complained to me about this previously, I told him to ignore the teacher and that I’ll take him.

This incident happened on Tuesday was called to collect him, but due to the school strikes, I’m yet to hear back from school.

AIBU is to just withdraw him from the PRU and home school him, because his behaviour is just going from bad to worst.

Thanks for taking the time out to read this, much appreciated.

Toughen up. His behaviour is appalling, and he’s being excluded for being disrespectful and violent in a place where kids have major issues and the teachers are trained to cope.
and even they feel the need to sanction.

If you want to help your son, work WITH the PRU and stop undermining them.
Get
counselling for your son.
are you honestly capable of homeschooling through 6+’subjects??

@StarmanBobby I am working with the PRU and no I’m not capable of home schooling.

@DrainedNFedUp

What type of people do you think go to prison?

@DrainedNFedUp Your son has absolutely committed several crimes. Threatening behaviour? Assault? Threats with a deadly weapon? You’re actually lucky the PRU is understanding as a mainstream school would have called the police by now.

Your little cherub has already committed assault by threatening to bring a knife to school and kill a teacher.

I can’t see him getting back to mainstream school with an attitude like he has. Also if I had children in the school I would not be happy with them associating with your child.

op you are either a troll or so delusional that you are beyond help. If the latter I suggest you stop posting on a forum as it won’t get you anywhere.

At the age of 33 and as a single parent, you have enough saved to have been able to stop work indefinitely and to take your son for regular days out? That's quite an achievement. What did you do when you were working?

I don’t think your son’s bad behaviour is ever going to be a laughing matter.

Well, naturally. It's a well known fact that one can escape imprisonment for almost any crime if one mumbles some half arsed words of apology at the beak when in the dock 😂

I served on a jury where the crime was threat to kill. He was found guilty and sent to prison.

@Chocadore

Bad luck to them, people are really forgetting that my son is 13 years of age, and have already planned his life out for him.

My child will be perfectly fine, therapy and myself will fix this.

Well nothing has worked so far. Most 13 year olds haven’t been repeatedly expelled, or made threats to kill, or got themselves into a PRU. You are the one setting the tone for the rest of his life and at minimum, accepting that his bad behaviour is off the scale would be a good place to start. He’s already out of control.

I would be thoroughly ashamed not defensive.

You are not fixing this. You are consistently making things worse.

Listen everyone leave OP alone. Her son is perfectly fine. He's got lots of money and when he made threats to kill he was just doing it in a gentle, loving way. Nothing to see here.

I'm amazed there's still no comment from MNHQ on this thread, even if just the usual "We've had reports but we've looked into the background and all is well..." blah that they post on some threads.

Good Afternoon

It looks as if I’m going to have to remove my son from the PRU to protect the mental health of other students.

I was called to the school to collect him as he had been verbally abusive to one of his female class mates.

During a dispute with her he called her a FAT UGLY B**CH and told her that she’ll never anyone, and threw a cup of water in her face.

I just hope the girl is ok now.

I am so ashamed and disgusted with him, yes boys will be boys with name calling and fighting amongst other boys, but him thinking it’s fine to verbally abuse a girl (whom was very upset) is not on, I do not know what I’m going to do with him, I didn’t raise my son to verbally abuse anyone let alone women.

I feel like a complete and utter failure and I apologise to those who said my child is capable of anything, today he has shown he is.

I am going to need all the help I can get now.

He is old enough to be tried in court for crimes at 13.

Re read the thread and all the advice that has been given to you.
Contact Social Services, contact a proper therapist, start discipling him, punish him put boundaries in place, stop spoiling him with money and treats, stop accepting money from his dad's criminal buddies
It's all been said to you repeatedly.
Good luck, act now but in my opinion, it's all going to be all too little too late.

@Name99

Yes, I am going to act on it now.

He will not be returning back to the PRU, it wouldn’t be fair on the girl.

I have asked him what happened. He replied “shut up speaking to me” he has never been that rude to me before, he’ll probably apologise in a few hours time. I really don’t want to speak to him today. I’m so ashamed and embarrassed.

Has he been excluded over the latest outburst?

Can you discuss a move to a different PRU?

I agree that the girl shouldn't have to spend time with him, but your son also needs an education to improve his future chances.

@WyfOfBathe

No, he hasn’t been excluded. I will call school tomorrow, I wish I could apologise to the girl and her parents, but my son definitely will not be returning.

As you can see by previous posts, I always stick up for my child, but I refused to do it today, I believe nothing could justify him saying that to her.

I’ll start again by saying IF THIS IS REAL…

I don’t understand why this is the behaviour that had made you stand up and take notice.

peeing in the playground, physically assaulting teachers, threatening murder etc is all totally justifiable, but calling someone ugly is now too far?

I hope this really is the wake up call that your little darling is infact an obnoxious,
violent bully and you NEED help with parenting before he ends up killing someone or in prison

I hope this really is the wake up call that your little darling is infact an obnoxious,
violent bully and you NEED help with parenting before he ends up killing someone or in prison

Sadly, I agree with you!* *I really had hope that he would start behaving and we could move forward, would like to know what possessed him to think it was acceptable to do what he did today.

Today was no different to any of his previous behaviour, which has always been “ok” as he’s never had any consequences

Sadly @DrainedNFedUp what has happened today is going to be the top of the iceberg if you start trying to discipline him now. He obviously has no respect for anyone. Speak to the PRU and let them help you find an alternative placement. He can't be rewarded for his behaviour today by getting what he wants which is to stay at home where he can do just what he pleases.