Son & PRU

[DrainedNFedUp]

In desperate need of help and advice, I don’t really have anyone in real life I can speak to.

I am going to be as transparent as possible with this, there will be no drip feeding. So therefore it’s going to be quiet a long one.

I’m a single parent to my son who is age 13 years of age, I spilt with his father 9 years ago, because I wasn’t happy with his criminal activity, I am going to get into it now.

My sons father was jailed 2 years ago and he will not be coming home until my son is in his 20s.

He has been in prison a many times before, but charges have always been dismissed or he has gotten not guilty at trial, so his stays haven’t been long.

The majority of the time, I liaised with him and we both agreed to tell our son that he was “away” either working abroad or his native country. Which did work, because he would still provide the expensive clothes, gifts and money for days out and holidays etc from in prison.

The last two times, I refused to lie. I had had enough covering from him, and making out that he is a saint when he isn’t. DS finding out the truth did hurt him, but his father would always assure him that everything would be alright and that he would be home soon, and throw money at my son to make him feel better.

He promised my son that he would never go back to prison again, and my son believed him and that if he did, he would never speak to him and not want him to be his dad anymore.

So since he got convicted my sons behaviour has gone down hill. He has gone from that kind, humble (despite being spoilt rotten from his dad) caring and generous, to the complete opposite.

He has been permanently excluded from 3 schools, the first was his primary school. He was permanently excluded from his secondary school on the 6th week of him attending.

Fighting, bullying, being disrespectful to teachers, the last straw was him violently attacking a teacher. I managed to find him another school that would take him, three wouldn’t.

My son has always had the ability to make new friends and fit into friendship groups very easily, but I found out that at the second school, he was using money to buy friends. I was very disappointed in him, because I didn’t understand why he felt the need to do that. Before finding out from him that he just wanted to help them because their parents don’t have a lot of money.

Good few weeks, no complaints, I was beginning to think this was the start of him settling down.

Permanently excluded again, an attack on a student, teacher and damage to window.

He now attends a PRU, I am really not happy because the school is full of children with behavioural problems, so my child is not going to change.

There have been a few incidents just to name a few

1. He went on a school trip, my child decided that he wanted to come home, I receive a phone call saying he has run away and that they’re trying to find him. I am sat at home frantic, school doesn’t allow children to bring in mobile phones, so no way off contacting him. Luckily he found his way home. Resulted in a 3 day exclusion

1. My son was rude to and used foul language towards a younger teaching assistant, reason behind this he made an appropriate comments towards me and asked my son if I was single. Which is totally unacceptable, when I raised this with the head teacher I was told that there was no one around at the time (so basically my son is a liar) my son wouldn’t lie about something like that. Resulted in a 2 day exclusion

1. Teacher wouldn’t let my son out of the classroom to use the toilet; so he climbed out of the window and urinated behind some bins in the playground (classroom was on the ground floor? I don’t agree with him doing this; but I believe he should have allowed to go. Resulted in a 3 day exclusion which I think it ridiculous and a very farfetched

My son threatened to bring a knife to school and kill a teaching assistant (he has admitted) his reason behind it, said teacher is always singling him out and saying that he will not be going on the school trip, he has complained to me about this previously, I told him to ignore the teacher and that I’ll take him.

This incident happened on Tuesday was called to collect him, but due to the school strikes, I’m yet to hear back from school.

AIBU is to just withdraw him from the PRU and home school him, because his behaviour is just going from bad to worst.

Thanks for taking the time out to read this, much appreciated.

What a mess.

He'll be under a youth offending team before long. He's a prime candidate for child criminal exploitation because he has a criminal for a Dad, no boundaries at home and is rewarded for terrible behaviour with cash that clearly comes from crime with a Mum that turns a blind eye.

Whatever you think of yourself OP, you are an antisocial family and once some adult or older teen male comes along to be a 'role model' for DS and provides male input he craves they'll be getting him to deal drugs for them so he's making his own money to keep himself in the lifestyle you and him are accustomed to.

And when he's in a youth custody environment for dealing class As or serious violence which is drugs/gang related, you'll complain that he was failed by the 'system'

You'll say I'm being harsh but I've seen this happen time and time again. Glad to see you're asking for SS services input but be prepared for them to say things you don't want to hear.

OP close your eyes and imagine the future. You're in court and your son is facing a murder charge because he finally came good on his threats. You have to look his victim's family in the eye. How does that feel? Step up as a parent now, before it's too late.

@FilthyforFirth what do you mean by over “egged” I believe you think that because I’ve been very honest.

Hopefully SS will be in touch with me soon, I have just taken a call from my sons school, they are allowing him back on Monday. I will speak to him later and give him ideas how to prevent and control his anger.

I mean I don't believe you. No ordinary, normal person is happy to live off of ill gotten gains.

Do those ideas include making excuses for him threatening to Jill someone?

*kill

And no parent who is interested in doing a good job is happy for their children to be mixed up in such criminality.

But you said you didn't know where the money came from. So how do you know it's no stolen? Or, alternatively, the proceeds of some other form of crime, such as drug dealing, blackmail, people trafficking etc?

But the op is a gangster's moll with a lifestyle funded by criminality.

@Quia I did not say that, I said I didn’t and don’t care where my sons fathers friends money is coming from, it is none of my business.

I do not care whether people here believe me or not. I should have lied and drip fed, but I thought telling the truth will be best.

@blumppump that is why I just dom't think its true. Though I suppose the Krays mum would have had a very similar outlook... **

I have enough money to look after myself and my child; but I will never stop my sons father providing for him.

So you're a gangster's moll living off the proceeds of crime and you're ok with that

Wow.

What sort of message does that send to your son?

You still haven't said where your partner fits in. I am concerned about support for you. You need someone to talk to. What kind of man is your partner and how much does he know? I think you really need someone to lean on.

Well you should care. You know damn well it’s not coming from legitimate means. That makes you a criminal too.

So you're happy living off the proceeds of crime.

But you said you have no idea how to help him and have never disciplined him?

He's been extremely aggressive and violent and oppositional since before he was excluded from primary school.

Have you not given him ideas about how to prevent or control his anger before? Or have you just thought of some since starting this thread?

@FilthyforFirth “Krays” it sounds like you watch and her obsessed with “gangster movies”

Anyway; I am going to take a break from here, I’ll update accordingly.

So, again, how do you know it's not stolen?

One reference makes me obsessed?! OK.

Good luck with visiting your son in prison in the near future.

So his father is also (indirectly) reinforcing his awful behaviour?
Ffs put some strong boundaries in your son’s life before it’s all too late.

And this is one of the reasons there’s sadly no hope for your son. You and your pos ex have already sealed his fate.

She said, she doesn't care. When her ex is in prison and not able to work, he provides her directly or indirectly with large amounts of cash and always has done.
She knows it's not money her ex is earning in prison but doesn't care where it comes from or who has suffered to make that money.
She's happy with the luxurious lifestyle provided to her and DS from that and would never consider refusing the money. That is a really shitty antisocial attitude which is contributing to her DS antisocial behaviour.
She'd rather blame the schools or systems and think she's being a good Mum spoiling her DS and blaming his extremely disturbed behaviour on him being sad that his Dad is a criminal and the schools being at fault.
She says her DS wouldn't lie but if we're going on her posts, she claims to have blindly wandered into a relationship with an extremely rich criminal that she didn't realise was lying to her either..

So did your son attend school (and get excluded) during covid lockdown then?