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AIBU?

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Original poster

Boyfriend thinks my puppy is his

172 replies

oonrug · 15/03/2023 13:41

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years. I am 24 he is 23. We both live with our parents, but he practically lives at my house and hasn't gone home in months.

A few weeks ago I bought a puppy, he is gorgeous and I love him so much! However, my boyfriend is insisting that he is "his dog as well" I don't have an issue with this statement, but he has said that if anything happens and we split up, that the dog will be half of his and we would have to share custody of him.

I just find this bizarre as I paid for the dog (he wasn't cheap) I picked him up, I look after him (although he does his fair share). Just because I was with my boyfriend when I got the puppy, surely it doesn't automatically make him his dog?

I was just looking for some opinions on this, or aibu and looking too much in to it?

OP posts:
Ghostbuster2639 · 15/03/2023 15:29

I also want to add, he hasn't said this in a malicious way. He just seems to think that if anything happened that we would share the dog, he hasn't said he's going to "take him off me" he has just said that we would have him 50/50

It is malicious op. You are thinking it is emotionally driven, and that it’s because the dog is part of the family and he’s saying it because he loves it so much.

But the fact is the dog has cost a significant amount of money and will continue to do so. He is not financially contributing to it and he has no legal rights to it. At this point it doesn’t matter whether he’s saying he will have 50/50 of the dog or 50/50 of your car or business or savings.

The dog itself is not the issue. The issue is he feels what’s yours is half his and is presuming shared ownership and entitlement. Listen very carefully to what he’s telling you, which is that he’s quite happy to lay claim to something that belongs to you. It does not matter what the something is.

Has he said why he thinks he is entitled to half of something he’s not contributed to?

Thelnebriati · 15/03/2023 15:32

The chip is irrelevant, it only shows the legal keeper of the dog. The receipt is proof of purchase and it shows you own the dog. Keep that and the bank statement that shows the payment going out of your account, and keep receipts for all the vet bills - don't let him pay half.

Doesthepopeshitinthewoods · 15/03/2023 15:32

PartnersInCrime · 15/03/2023 13:43

Of course not. Put him in his place and make sure the chip has your name only.

This. Tell him to get fucked. That dog is yours.

defi · 15/03/2023 15:32

If you split up it might be good to have free doggy care if you ever want to go away.

WinterMusings · 15/03/2023 15:36

Oh dear.

Your parents like him & are happy to have him living there? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe they just think they can look after you/keep an eye on you if you're under their roof & tolerate him to keep you 'home'.

Maybe they didn't mind another animal. Again maybe they're just doing/saying what they think will keep you 'at home'

You're 'saving up' to move out. Really buying an expensive puppy then shelling out for everything that comes with that, doesn't seem much like 'saving' to me (and probably not to your parents either).

He moved in by stealth, you admit you didn't/wouldn't have ASKED your parents...

He doesn't live with HIS parents, he lives with YOUR parents.

you might think it's all 'loves young dream' now & you're really not listening to anyone but this really isn't good for you.

he's told you that YOUR dog is 'ours' and he's told you he'd expect 50:50 if you split up.

I bet there are a lot of things he's controlling/manipulating that you you just don't see because you think it's 'sweet' 'love' 'caring' when in fact it's just controlling.

i get you didn't ask for relationship advice, but it's hard not to point things out to someone you think has got themselves into an unhealthy relationship.

I think you should send him back to live with his parents. Tell him when you've each saved £xx you can start to look at rental properties, then see how that goes.

BUT make it VERY VERY clear that whilst it's sweet he loves FIDO it's YOUR DOG, not 'the start of your family' (he's really doing a number on you!!) or 50:50. FIDO is 100% YOURS!!

Tessasanderson · 15/03/2023 15:38

Next time he mentions it cut him off. Make it very clear that the dog is yours and if he wants a dog, to get one himself.

It may even be worthwhile following it up with a message to him so you have something to reference to in future if he starts playing games.

Nellieinthebarn · 15/03/2023 15:43

If you paid for it, have registered it in your name and pay for its food, insurance, vets bills and housing it is your dog. If the time comes when you split up, he is welcome to take you to court to try and prove otherwise. But I doubt he can afford to, so it wont happen. Just tell him this, and also make sure that he undertands that this goes for all your possessions, savings and income.

Redsquirrel5 · 15/03/2023 15:45

Make sure it is just in your name at the Vets too.

spelunky · 15/03/2023 15:46

No, the dog isn't his, it's yours.

If you were married, he might have a leg to stand on 😅 He's being absolutely ridiculous.

It's a weird thought to think of pets as 'possessions' but that's what they are really. If you bought a new TV with your money now and then you split up, he wouldn't be entitled to half of the TV. Same thing with the dog.

MakeMineABombay · 15/03/2023 15:47

If I were you, you need to record this in writing right now or in a way that is a permanent record of you stating clearly at the time you've got the puppy that is yours.. You don't need to make a big song and dance about it - just text him with a "by the way" don't want their to be any confusion in future/ my dog.

For when you inevitably split up and he inevitably says he wants shared dog custody.

slashlover · 15/03/2023 15:47

(although he does his fair share)

What is his fair share if it isn't partly his dog?

UdoU · 15/03/2023 15:50

I'd be telling him clearly the dog is 100% yours. His reaction will tell you a lot about him.

Jackieintheboxy · 15/03/2023 15:51

I honestly just wouldn't say anything. I'd nod along and then if we broke up obviously not give him custody of the dog.

It's a stupid thing to get hung up about.

"It's half my dog"
"okay dear"

justasking111 · 15/03/2023 15:53

Does he think half your parents house would be his if anything happens to them?

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 15/03/2023 15:53

I think people are being a bit unfair to op. She does sound alot more mature than her bf. I agree with poster who said see what his reaction is like when you tell him the dog is 100% yours. If he throws a hissy fit get rid. Major major red flag.

AffIt · 15/03/2023 15:53

In law, a dog is every bit as much of a possession as a car or a hairbrush or a pair of shoes.

Your boyfriend has no more 'right' to your dog than he does to, I dunno, your wardrobe or a pair of your knickers.

Tell him to get fucked.

EKGEMS · 15/03/2023 15:55

Rehome the boyfriend and keep your puppy

Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 15/03/2023 15:56

Why are pp so caught up in you living with your dps? I hope my dcs still feel happy to live with me in their 20s!
I'm glad you have kept all of the paperwork for your puppy. I'm also seeing red flags for the odd possessive attitude from your boyfriend towards the pup.

sueelleker · 15/03/2023 15:59

oonrug · 15/03/2023 13:51

@TheEponymousGrub yes your right, i would hate to be in that situation. But surely he could never have half custody of the dog (if we broke up) he has not contributed a penny to him!

Just make sure he doesn't pay anything-food, vet's bills. That way he's got no claim.

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 15/03/2023 15:59

Your b/f sounds quite entitled, what with practically living in your folks' home, & now the puppy appropriation.

Does he contribute living expenses to your parents, & muck in with chores & cooking?

SoonToBeQueenCamilla · 15/03/2023 15:59

oonrug · 15/03/2023 15:21

@smellyflowers I won't be renting anywhere, I'll be getting a mortgage for my own house. Yes I'm saving and bought a dog, it's possible to be able to buy things that bring you joy while also saving for other things.

So when you buy your own house, will your Bf move in with you ? If so you better get legal advice first.

Stravaig · 15/03/2023 15:59

The ultimate cocklodger!

A proper grown-up home with absolutely none of the responsibility; a girlfriend to dote on him and have carefree fun with; and now a puppy too 🤣

Run a mile, OP. He's a wastrel.

AgentJohnson · 15/03/2023 16:08

He's raising the possibility of breaking up with you... and advising you in advance that it wont be easy for you. You will lose more than just him, he's saying.

this

Buy the book ‘Why does he do that’ and read it. The fact you questioned yourself over his ridiculous statement says something about your relationship dynamic that requires further scrutiny by you.

SerafinasGoose · 15/03/2023 16:08

He can think the dog's his as much as he wants.

Still doesn't mean it is.

He has quite the sense of entitlement, doesn't he? He is showing you who he is.

JackiePlace · 15/03/2023 16:12

No need to argue about it now. But keep the receipt and get him chipped in your name for when you split up.