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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend thinks my puppy is his

172 replies

oonrug · 15/03/2023 13:41

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years. I am 24 he is 23. We both live with our parents, but he practically lives at my house and hasn't gone home in months.

A few weeks ago I bought a puppy, he is gorgeous and I love him so much! However, my boyfriend is insisting that he is "his dog as well" I don't have an issue with this statement, but he has said that if anything happens and we split up, that the dog will be half of his and we would have to share custody of him.

I just find this bizarre as I paid for the dog (he wasn't cheap) I picked him up, I look after him (although he does his fair share). Just because I was with my boyfriend when I got the puppy, surely it doesn't automatically make him his dog?

I was just looking for some opinions on this, or aibu and looking too much in to it?

OP posts:
Annonnimouse · 15/03/2023 14:17

Tell him straight , keep all the documents. Also, if you feel strongly about it, make/amend a will. Leaving specific instructions for who you would like or not like to have ownership/responsibility of your pets should something happen to you.
When she split with her ex, my sister did this who, like yourself, bought and had full responsibility of the dog

StormTreader · 15/03/2023 14:18

Hes entitled - hes decided he's living with you, and now you have a dog hes decided hes having that as well.
You need to draw some serious boundaries or you'll go to get in the car or something and find hes "borrowed it for the week because he needs it".

Genevieva · 15/03/2023 14:20

Dogs are not children. In law they are property. You bought the dog and you own the dog. In the event of you splitting up with your boyfriend he has no contact rights.

StellaAndCrow · 15/03/2023 14:24

Even if he somehow sees it as a shared dog (though it's clearly not), the fact that he's talking about keeping it if you split up is just odd and wrong. Why would he be saying that? I can't think of any good reason.

oneforthemoneytwofortheshow · 15/03/2023 14:25

Is he going to pay half to the vets bills and food?

Dibbydoos · 15/03/2023 14:29

You've got to be straight with you CF BF, he's yours. End of. If he wants a dog, he can get one and keep it at his home....

Aquamarine1029 · 15/03/2023 14:32

You should have set him straight immediately. It's quite concerning that you didn't.

saraclara · 15/03/2023 14:34

He's holding you hostage the way some men do when they say "If you break up with me, I'll take the children".

Yep. And if he's prepared to say something like this now, I wonder what kind of grasping selfish behaviour you're going to be dealing with in the future. The implications for sharing finances and taking on other commitments is huge.

BishopRock · 15/03/2023 14:36

You say him living at your parents house isn't the issue. I'd disagree. He obviously feels some sort of entitlement because he is living with your parents and long term I wonder just how this entitlement of something that's yours is also his in his mind might manifest.

So I'd say his living arrangements are pretty much part of the issue.

Bananalanacake · 15/03/2023 14:37

So your parents just let him move in, he didn't even ask, no way would I stand for that.

Duckingella · 15/03/2023 14:39

Your young,still live at home and there's plenty more fish in the sea;I'll Chuck this one back as he sounds like a right plonker.

Spambod · 15/03/2023 14:39

To prove dog ownership make sure the dog is registered in your name at the vets and you can prove you have paid for some treatment like check ups and vaccinations etc. Make sure the dog is insured in your name. Make sure the chip is in your name. Make sure you have proof of purchase of the dog, a receipt from the breeder, show communication from the breeder and KC paperwork etc in your name. Make it clear to your boyfriend that you consider the dog completely yours whether you are together or not.

smellyflowers · 15/03/2023 14:41

Why did you buy a dog if you still have to live with your parents - Is it their dog too?

It's definitely your dog. But so many people say things like you have to treat your stepkids as your own maybe he means it in that way- he'll treat the dog as his own but he knows if you leave him he'll never see it again.

EmotionalSupportWyrm · 15/03/2023 14:41

a decent man, in a loving relationship, simply would not think like this @oonrug . He is showing you who he is - pay attention, he will not change.

MorrisZapp · 15/03/2023 14:41

The doggone dog is yours

#PaulMacCartney

smellyflowers · 15/03/2023 14:43

BishopRock · 15/03/2023 14:36

You say him living at your parents house isn't the issue. I'd disagree. He obviously feels some sort of entitlement because he is living with your parents and long term I wonder just how this entitlement of something that's yours is also his in his mind might manifest.

So I'd say his living arrangements are pretty much part of the issue.

Yeah I think it's part of a wider issue too

forrestgreen · 15/03/2023 14:44

It'd be weird if his idiotic thoughts are limited to the dog.

Really listen to him, does he ride roughshod over your thoughts, are you equally represented, does he value your opinions etc

LimeCheesecake · 15/03/2023 14:47

Did your parents invite him to move in, or did he invite himself? Did you ask them if he could move in or was it a gradual thing and then he started giving some money?

you said he’s still officially living at his parents, which suggests a formal arrangement hasn’t been offered or agreed.

this is important combined with his lack of respect for property ownership and boundaries.

what would happen if you suggested he spends a few nights back at his parents? Or you both go there?

Ooompaloopa · 15/03/2023 14:48

oonrug · 15/03/2023 13:48

@PartnersInCrime thank you! the chip is in my name and will be staying that way.

@tinselandjoy I thought that too, its nice that he loves the dog but for him to say that he is his dog too just doesn't sit right with me. And my parents don't mind, he lives here with us now I obviously wouldn't have just invited him to stay here for months on end without discussing with them first, although that's irrelevant to this thread!

he lives here with us now I obviously wouldn't have just invited him to stay here for months on end without discussing with them first, although that's irrelevant to this thread!

I think it is relevant - does he have many other incidents / behaviours where he has shown entitlement?

Ooompaloopa · 15/03/2023 14:51

saraclara · 15/03/2023 14:34

He's holding you hostage the way some men do when they say "If you break up with me, I'll take the children".

Yep. And if he's prepared to say something like this now, I wonder what kind of grasping selfish behaviour you're going to be dealing with in the future. The implications for sharing finances and taking on other commitments is huge.

Good spot.

Manipulation and control with fear / threat.

It’s worked - that’s why you were anxious enough to start this thread

JudgeRudy · 15/03/2023 14:53

TheEponymousGrub · 15/03/2023 13:46

"his dog as well" I don't have an issue with this statement

You do! You know it isn't true, because you paid for the dog. So you must say so to your BF straight away, and stand your ground. Or else you will end up fighting for custody of him.

I agree. You're contradicting yourself....or maybe there's a subliminal message. When he says "it's my dog as well" you have visions of happy families. When he says "If we split up" your mind says Noooo. I'm not having that. I don't even want to consider it. He seems to have done.
Slightly off task but I'm more surprised at your age you would be buying a dog. Either you intend to get your own place soon where pets could be an issue, or you intend to carry on living with your parents...with the dog and boyfriend. You must have very tolerant parents and/or a large home and/or money. Will they get a stake in ownership too?

Crumbcatcher · 15/03/2023 14:53

Don't have children with him!

knittingaddict · 15/03/2023 14:57

JackHackettsMac · 15/03/2023 13:52

Your parents must be saints!! 😳

Indeed.

As the parent of adult children that was my first thought, never mind the dog.

JudgeRudy · 15/03/2023 14:57

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 15/03/2023 13:51

He's holding you hostage the way some men do when they say "If you break up with me, I'll take the children".

I doubt it. I'd bet it's just his clumsy way of saying how fond he is of the dog and he'd never want to lose contact....like a grandma saying "Nana's gonna put you in her handbag and sneak you home with me'

gamerchick · 15/03/2023 14:59

Yanno you could fix this by sending the scrounging fucker home. Sounds like a fair bit of growing up all round is needed here.

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