How I accept that I'm not pretty

[Sophieros23]

How can I accept and love myself when I'm ugly??

Do some people watching in real life - no-one is “pretty” in my town, apart from a few fresh faced teenagers. Just regular women going about their lives.

OP I sometimes feel like this about myself, but recently I had a think about my friends and all the people I know, and I thought- how many of them do I ever think are truly ugly? And the answer was zero. In fact when I think about all my friends I see most of them as very attractive if not conventionally ‘pretty’.

It’s highly likely that nobody you know thinks you’re ugly at all. Not that it should matter this much in an ideal world.

@Sophieros23

Are you the poster who was also complaining about "perfect" mum's because you hadn't lost your baby weight at 7 weeks?

That's beautifully put. And 100% spot on. 💐

@theblackradiator I have always had comments about my looks. Negative ones.
Called Pinoccohi at school and told by children that 'You have a really long and pointy nose.'
Hairdressers always tell me I have really thin and difficult to manage hair.
Coupled with the flat chest and thin lips I really am a very ugly woman.

Genuine ugliness is extremely rare. I’d bet my house you’re not ugly.

Describe pretty, what does someone who is pretty look like to you? Can you give an example of someone who you think is pretty?

I bet if you asked people who they thought was the most beautiful woman in the world you would get a hundred different answers.

Pretty isn’t one thing, we all see beauty differently. Pretty isn’t an Instagram filter or a dress size. You don’t need to be a stereotype to be pretty.

OP, before accepting yourself I think you need to work on the problems that made you feel this way years ago. This seems to have had an affect on you which has never really gone away, then it's kind of chipped at you over the years and you've come to accept what those people have said about you was true. Confidence is the most attractive thing you can have and believe me when I say that's hard for me to say considering I was like you a while a go and still am some days. I used to look in the mirror at things I hated about myself and hated it more and more each day to the point I could no longer see anything nice about me. I found seen women online, social media etc made me worse. I felt I needed to be 'perfect'. What is perfect?
My advice is see your gp about possibly talking to someone about your past issues, maybe some cbt. Colour your hair, get a skin routine going and paint your nails. You don't need a full face of makeup or a perfect peachy bum and perky boots! Just be you, be confident and focus on something you like about yourself and stuff what anyone else thinks! Your perfect the way you are and your dh obviously thinks so else he wouldn't be with you. Everyone has faults...even the 'perfect' ones. You just don't see it. Be kind to yourself!

Perky boobs not boots 😅

I’m struggling to think of anyone I’ve ever thought “ugly” (on the outside anyway), and as a nurse for 35 years I have met a LOT of people. Don’t get me wrong, there are some FLFs around, but ugly? Not a word that ever comes to mind about other people’s faces.

I've never ever seen a truly ugly person. I've seen people who don't take care of their hair skin shape and dress badly etc, which makes them not look good. But they'd look good if they tried. Of course, they may not want to and that's their choice. Something is stopping you making the best of yourself, I think. You could try. I highly doubt you are ugly. I just hope it's not some dickhead of a man making you feel worthless about your looks.

You are not ugly. And your worth as a human is not based on how you look!

But they almost certainly didn't say straightforwardly, 'OP, you're ugly.' It will have come out in little indirect, possibly unconscious ways, like 'well-meant' advice, or comparing you to someone etc.

A friend of mine, with no malicious intent, once sent me a photo she'd come across somewhere of a woman falling out of a club, blind drunk, and said it reminded her of me. It was a terrible photo. The woman's face was distorted from drink, red and blotchy, her hair a mess, and she was extremely overweight and crammed into a dress far too small for her. I remember sitting on my bed (we were postgrad students) and thinking 'That's what I look like to X'? I did actually pick her up on it. I texted her and said 'Would you be happy if I'd sent you a similar photo saying you looked like this?' And she was horrified she'd hurt my feelings, and said she'd thought I'd find it funny, but the fact remained that this photo had made her think of me, and it was horrible to think that this image had resembled me in her eyes.

I knew perfectly well I was a plumpish, averagely plain twentysomething, but I'd thought (hoped?) that careful self-presentation, make-up, clothes etc meant I just about got by as 'average' or 'slightly below average, but wouldn't stand out'.

This is going to sound so trite, but I definitely see something beautiful or attractive in everyone. Whether it's their eye colour, sheen on their hair, the way they wear clothes, their nails, etc. As pp have said, I have never seen an ugly person. Yes, some are plainer than others but there is beauty in plainness too.

Ugly is an accident of birth. It's no handicap to success; look how many famous politicians, writers, musicians, doctors, actors are so plain or ugly they clearly didn't need good looks to succeed.

 Being well groomed,  well informed, well mannered,  socially adept,  hard working,  resilient,  honest, trustworthy,  a good listerner, a clear speaker,  are all skills that anyone can  acquire, polish   and  put to good use.