Am I being lazy? Washing my child

[Daftmum47]

I take my child swimming at least once a week, often twice, and afterwards I shower him and wash his hair. But I’ve let myself slip into lazy ways of not always bathing him at home, without fail, every week. He’s probably not teaching neglected levels of unclean, but equally I’m not teaching him personal hygiene. I have ADHD and come from a slightly chaotic home environment myself. Do other mums sometimes skip bath times if their child is going swimming? Yes = YANBU

Hah that reminds me of a couple of summers ago, I was swimming in the lake* and another family turned up with a bottle of shampoo and they swam and washed their hair in the lake!

*not in Britain though, our water isn't full of sewage

Except our bodies were more accepting of that. We are now giving ourselves issues with over washing. My DSIS is a dermatologist. She has very strong views on the damaged skin she sees through over washing and killing skin bacteria.

So the only shower he gets in the week is from swimming? Personally that wouldn’t be enough. I have autism and adhd too, both my children are autistic and bathtime is part of their evening routine. It helps us all a lot to stick to the same every night. They don’t necessarily need a bath or shower ever night but it’s just the routine and they enjoy it. Saying that ds is a pre teen and a shower every day is probably needed now. I also like them to be clean in their bedding to keep that fresh. I’m a bit of a hygiene freak. Does your child wipe himself properly? How old is he?

it would be different if he was skipping baths/showers at home after swimming due to showering there and showering in between swimming days but is he only showering at swimming and not at homr at all? Your water bill must be really low 😂 my 7 year old dd spends about 20 minutes in the shower at home 😂

I am in my thirties and always have a bath or shower every day as that’s what I always did growing up, it’s part of my routine and helps me function. I enjoy a shower too and always make time for one.

dp on the other hand was brought up only bathing on a Sunday. I don’t think his mum was great on the hygiene front and he finds showering or bathing a chore still now. Sometimes I have to remind him to bathe. He is clean as he washes every day and wears clean clothes but will not shower every day.

from my experience hygiene habits are set an early age.

Sunday night bath routine was our norm, additional baths and showers as needed eg swimming, muddy, messy etc or if they were bored to be honest but always a bath on a Sunday.

As a parent to a late teen now with many years experience of having other kids in the house on playmates / sleepovers etc I can say I'm really not surprised to read such lax attitudes to hygiene here.

I often had to open a window to air out the room the kids had been playing / hanging out in due to pong. Not just straight up teen b.o. but even when they were younger some of them would smell of oily, hot, unwashed hair & sour general unwashed body smell.

I saw grubby hands, filthy nails etc & blasé mums banging on about how too much washing was bad for their little darlings.

In all honesty it was often pretty grim. I've held other people's baby's that have by been washed enough & they smell like sour milk & oily doughnuts. These are the mums who don't believe in washing children. Generally middle class & into free range 'gentle ' parenting etc

We gave our dd a bath literally every night (barring illness or other v exceptional circumstsnces). We washed her long hair about 2 a week unless it needed more.

She is now 17 & showers every day & has excellent hygiene.

It's a life skill & I also disagree with those saying it's bad for their skin. We used specific products for her & she had / has perfect skin & never once had nappy rash as a baby..and I definitely think washing her properly every night was a huge factor. Along with changing her nappies far more frequently than some of my fellow mums seemed to back then.

OP I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. Life sounds hard for you & you have a lot on your plate.

I would try to up the amount of baths & build it into a bedtime routine. He's only 5 so it's early yet. It might help give some structure to the evening too.

I do get it. I’m widowed too, I work full time and I have PTSD. And it is exhausting. And hey, you’re taking your kids swimming every week which is more than I’m doing, I can tell you!

I don’t think anyone (rational!) is saying you need to bath him every day. Just that he does need to bathe at home at least once a week.

It’s really shit, this whole solo parenting thing. I do get it. And absolutely we have to pick our battles and cut ourselves some slack. But we also have to make sure our kids miss out as little as possible.

I do wonder what is the matter with the kids of the parents on this thread as they must be filthy to need bathing daily. Genuinely. Unless you live on a farm and/or doing lots of physical stuff every day there is no need. Of course some of these kids may have sweating issues. I had 1 child who sweated a lot and it smelt like teenage sweat even when he was small, but my 4 other kids certainly didn't need bathing daily. It would have harmed their precious skin dousing them in soap and water every damn day. This is really problematic for the environment also. (yes I am aware of the irony of my statement having these kids and talking about the environment - for what it is worth they were brought up vegan, we never flew or even drove a car and I paid at least 3k a month in income tax to help society).

As far as teeth go I found one set of toothbrushes and paste in the bathroom and a second in the kitchen a game changer.

Personally we did a daily bath ( or wash for my DC with eczema ) until they were properly potty trained. Baths then became twice a week until puberty, when daily showers became the norm. I would happily skip a bath if we went swimming and showered afterward. But they were washed daily every evening regardless. One DC did bathe nearly every day because he found it so much fun.

Shower once or twice a week is fine for a 5 year old imo. He can wash more when he"s older and starts smelling more. Also, in my culture, baths are for fun only, showers are the norm and are considered better. You take your son swimming once or twice a week, you sound like a loving mum, your son will be fine whether he washes 1, 2 or 10 times a week.

One of my kids had eczema and I was still encouraged to bathe her every night by my pediatrician. Just had to use a gentle soap and we do showers rather than baths.

There is no way I would allow DH into our bed if he didn't shower daily. It's how we were brought up in hot dusty countries and it's carried on. London is pretty dusty too.

Fascinating thread, a lot of people conflating ideas about 'health' with their own anxiety and shame about being 'dirty'. No-one will suffer from bathing once a week (ask any GP) and the idea that we should have bath/shower every day is very recent and very harmful to the environment. Our skin is covered in bacteria all the time, showrering only reduces their number a little. Some of the reactions here belong in the playground.

This is why I don’t like public swimming pools

people going in the pool when they’ve not washed for days beforehand

🤢

As long as he has a decent wash in between , its fine .

At least 3 times a week minimum I think, preferably 4. Be that after a swim or at home.

If mine showered at the pool then I didn’t feel the need for them to shower at home.

Not recent in the rest of the world, trust me. Anywhere outside Europe you would be considered anxious and weird if you DIDNT shower daily! I am not ashamed. I just like the ritual of a daily shower.

Bad for the environment yes but then we don't drive or eat meat so....

You won't suffer no. But it's a matter of personal hygiene which should be model to your children. Going 48hours without a shower isn't on. You will smell and that's the issue!

My kids also don’t bathe everyday, it’s too much and damages their skin. We do an every other day rule and if they’ve been super active/gotten dirty then obviously they jump in the shower after to freshen up.

My Goddaughter had very bad ezcema as a child, fortunately much milder as an adult, but I think her mum was told to only bath her once a week, it could have been twice but I'm pretty sure it was once. So I guess if kids with ezcema are told that it must be considered hygenic by medical people.

Back when I was a kid (in the dark ages) bath night was Fridays.

can’t get my head round parents not washing babies/toddlers when they’ve been soaked in urine all day. Wipes don’t cut it
Some of us don’t use the environmental nightmare that is wipes and disposables. My babies get a proper clean with water and cloths at each nappy change. Wipes are grim full stop never mind “don’t cut it”, but so is toilet paper and wiping which most people in this country don’t seem to have an issue with.

I know people are debating about the bathing (I’d say bath/shower at least 3x per week, especially if you aren’t strip washing every night). But I think a huge concern is that you lose his toothbrushes? How do you lose a toothbrush? Teeth should be brushed twice per day no matter what, that truly is neglectful.

Imo people don't need a bath or shower every day, it's a cultural expectation.

I do use a flannel to wash face and armpits every day though. I also use damp cloth instead of toilet paper so my bottom is nice and clean.

I bath my dc most days just because it's enjoyable but in terms of cleanliness I don't think they need it.

How often people should wash their hair varies a lot - dry curly hair tends to only need washing once a week in my experience or it becomes frizzy and unmanageable. Straight greasy hair needs washing more. I think skin is the same. As pp have noted, too much washing can exacerbate dry skin and eczema.

I grew up in the 70s/80s and bathing was once a week. Every day bathing or showering is a very recent thing.

As do I , I'm still not lazy.