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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being lazy? Washing my child

284 replies

Daftmum47 · 14/03/2023 22:05

I take my child swimming at least once a week, often twice, and afterwards I shower him and wash his hair. But I’ve let myself slip into lazy ways of not always bathing him at home, without fail, every week. He’s probably not teaching neglected levels of unclean, but equally I’m not teaching him personal hygiene. I have ADHD and come from a slightly chaotic home environment myself. Do other mums sometimes skip bath times if their child is going swimming? Yes = YANBU

OP posts:
Saschka · 14/03/2023 22:23

Whypaymumwillsavetheday · 14/03/2023 22:20

Do the PPs who think it's neglectful if showering once a week at swimming also think it's neglectful if showering or bathing once a week at home?

If that is the only time your body is getting washed, then yes.

Though a rinse in a swimming pool shower with your costume on is not really a proper shower either, so if we are comparing the two, that would be worse.

coffeewithmilk · 14/03/2023 22:23

Whypaymumwillsavetheday · 14/03/2023 22:20

Do the PPs who think it's neglectful if showering once a week at swimming also think it's neglectful if showering or bathing once a week at home?

I wouldn't go as far as saying it's neglectful, but it's not very hygienic. Would you be happy with 1 shower a week?

I suppose many people will have different standards of cleanliness and the OP hasn't said how old the child is, if they are able to shower themselves at home

PennyRa · 14/03/2023 22:24

Showering twice a week is normal and healthy

Whypaymumwillsavetheday · 14/03/2023 22:24

I wouldn't be happy with one shower a week as an adult no but it's a bit different for a prepubescent child

Lolabear38 · 14/03/2023 22:26

@Daftmum47 just remember this is Mumsnet. If you’re not washing your child (including hair) morning and night with a flannel wash in the middle you’re disgusting, dirty and neglectful. Don’t forget a clean towel to dry each body part too.

Saschka · 14/03/2023 22:27

Whypaymumwillsavetheday · 14/03/2023 22:24

I wouldn't be happy with one shower a week as an adult no but it's a bit different for a prepubescent child

You should see that state DS comes home from school in during summer. Sweat, suncream and dusty muddy knees.

Washing him once a week would be totally grim, his legs and neck are visibly grimy.

tunamayo81 · 14/03/2023 22:27

Personally I don’t think this is frequent enough. My mum doesn’t even shower once a week a lot of the time and we had a bath twice a week as children, i grew up thinking this was normal. Then i grew up and met everyone else in the world who shower daily ,and got criticised when friends/partners realised i hadn’t showered for two days (if i was staying at their house or whatever). I couldn’t understand the disapproval as i was taught this was ok as a kid and it was awful. I was size six and didn’t smell or anything but society expects you to take a daily shower unless there’s a good reason why not. Now i shower daily and my child has a bath at least every other day, but most days daily. please, please don’t teach your child bad hygiene habits that will make it harder for him as he grows up.

Daftasabroom · 14/03/2023 22:27

Wait until they're teenagers......

TolerateIt · 14/03/2023 22:30

I nearly started almost this exact thread myself recently. I have 3 kids, 2 of whom are under 2, and the middle one (toddler) despises water and getting wet, so bath times are a real struggle. Since the youngest has come along, I've fallen into the habit of only bathing the babies once a week out of sheer exhaustion. They do get flannel washed in between, but being honest with myself, one bath a week definitely isnt enough for either of them. So sorry OP, even though I'm in a similar boat, I think YABU.

olympicsrock · 14/03/2023 22:31

Does he take off his swimwear and wash properly when he swims? If not then he needs to a bath at home a minimum of once a week.

Olivia199 · 14/03/2023 22:32

We used to have a bath every day as part of the bedtime routine but sadly my DD started really struggling with the eczema and dry skin. First thing the doctor asked us was how often we bathed/showered and told me to cut down to twice or three times a week at most with washing on the days we don't. It's definitely helped her skin which is brilliant. Slightly sad as she ADORES the water and would live in a bath or shower given half the chance.

As long as you're washing them every day in some form, it doesn't always have to be a full bath or shower and often isn't advised from a skin point of view. Obviously if they've come home from nursery/school and they're absolutely grim then there's nothing else for it...! But normal days, a wash will suffice.

Theoeopleversuswork · 14/03/2023 22:32

I think it depends a lot on the age of the child. For a child of up to about 12 I think 2-3 proper washes (whether shower or bath) a week is about the bare minimum. I'd try to do a bit more but I don't think it would be a disaster if you didn't manage every week.

For a teenager it's a different ballgame. Washing once a week for a teenager would be unhygienic and is more or less inviting the to be picked on at school.

I knew a (very affluent) family who for environmental reasons restricted their teens to one bath a week and I thought that was performance environmentalism triumphing over good parenting.

Whypaymumwillsavetheday · 14/03/2023 22:32

If you increase the frequency when they're teens (when it would be required) they won't grow up thinking 1-2 showers a week is normal.

Obviously if a child has actual dirt or similar on them you can give them an extra wash.

I think people are getting a bit hung up here, the OP doesn't appear to be saying it's one shower a week at swimming ever, it's 1-2 showers a week sometimes plus baths at home sometimes.

NewShoes · 14/03/2023 22:33

We bath our 4 year old every night. That’s as much to do with him having a set routine as much as anything else, but any less than every other night would feel like not enough. They’re out playing, getting dirty, etc, and need to be washed!

peachgreen · 14/03/2023 22:33

I honestly don’t get how people do this. DD (5) is bathed every second day and honestly, by the time she gets in the bath she really needs it – she a bit grubby and sticky and her hair is greasy.

Anyway, bathing at home once a week isn’t great tbh, but NEVER bathing at home is sending a really weird message to your kids imo.

Yika · 14/03/2023 22:36

Whypaymumwillsavetheday · 14/03/2023 22:20

Do the PPs who think it's neglectful if showering once a week at swimming also think it's neglectful if showering or bathing once a week at home?

Yes (unless they are also having some kind of wash on the other days e.g. at the sink) - I think it's important to instil habits of hygiene otherwise it's a kind of both physical and social neglect.

KarmaStar · 14/03/2023 22:38

Depends how often h e goes swimming,if it's once a week,yes you are being lazy.
if it's three to four times and he washes on the other days then he should be ok.
he doesn't want to start to smell nor does he need to be taught not to care about his appearance,he needs to know his self worth.a
please ensure he is clean.

KeeperSweeper · 14/03/2023 22:41

I wouldn't call it lazy if this is due to ADHD, but I do think it is something you need to make a strategy to change.

I put bath days on my calendar along with meal planning and activities. I have a sequencing disorder so it is the only way I can make sure I get everything done!

Would something like that help you?

Itcouldhappenabishop · 14/03/2023 22:42

My kids have had a daily bath since birth. Hair wash twice a week. Older DC (10) has a daily shower in the morning. They get grubby otherwise! Kids aren't great at bum wiping etc, they roll around on the floor, get god knows what under their nails. Plus it's a good habit to get them into before the stinky teen years arrive.
BTW older DC had eczema as a baby, we were never told to wash them less, on the contrary dirty skin + cracked skin = infection. We had special bath lotion, moisturiser for afterwards. His skin is perfect now.

2022again · 14/03/2023 22:47

@Daftmum47 People forget that many elderly or disabled people NEVER have a Bath or shower!!! It really depends if he’s getting a good wash regularly ,for me it was easier to just chuck the kids in the shower. Interesting that you are ADHD, currently listening to an audiobook on adhd to help with my daughter…not unusual apparently for adhders to not see the point of daily ablutions!!

Ihatethenewlook · 14/03/2023 22:48

Whypaymumwillsavetheday · 14/03/2023 22:20

Do the PPs who think it's neglectful if showering once a week at swimming also think it's neglectful if showering or bathing once a week at home?

Yes. It’s pretty fucking disgusting actually depending on the age of the child. So he only gets a single wash a week, including his arse and genitalia, because the op happens to be at the baths that week as she’s too lazy to spend 5 minutes running a bath every few days? Might have been acceptable in the 80’s, it’s not now though with a lot of other thinks that aren’t.

CoffeeChocolateWine · 14/03/2023 22:49

So he is washed once, sometimes twice, a week in the swimming pool shower but not at all at home? No, that's not enough imo.

Not sure how old he is but you need to instil good hygiene habits from a young age if they are to have good hygiene habits as adults. I have a friend who showers twice a week and brushes her teeth once a day. She insists this is perfectly fine because it's what she's always done since she was a child, but I think most people would disagree. I'm sure if hygiene was prioritised more when she was a child she would think differently too.

My DC are 14,10 and 4 and they all bath/shower every day and always have done. They would have to have a pretty damn good excuse not to. It's basic stuff.

Emmamoo89 · 14/03/2023 22:50

My 11 months only gets bathed twice a week. Top and tail in between

Ihatethenewlook · 14/03/2023 22:53

Lolabear38 · 14/03/2023 22:26

@Daftmum47 just remember this is Mumsnet. If you’re not washing your child (including hair) morning and night with a flannel wash in the middle you’re disgusting, dirty and neglectful. Don’t forget a clean towel to dry each body part too.

Yeh, defo. A quick wash in the 7 second showers after his weekly swim is a perfect compromise. I know which I’d prefer. I wonder if the op’s child is the sort of one this teacher was complaining about

Am I being lazy? Washing my child
pinkpotatoez · 14/03/2023 22:58

I bathe mine everyday hair wash every other day/ three days if not necessary. Babies crawl around and children aren't the cleanest after school running around, I wouldn't want them getting into clean sheets dirty. Also it winds them down for bed. I don't think you can be thorough with cleaning in the swimming showers, you still have your chlorine soaked swimsuit on!

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