Am I being lazy? Washing my child

[Daftmum47]

I take my child swimming at least once a week, often twice, and afterwards I shower him and wash his hair. But I’ve let myself slip into lazy ways of not always bathing him at home, without fail, every week. He’s probably not teaching neglected levels of unclean, but equally I’m not teaching him personal hygiene. I have ADHD and come from a slightly chaotic home environment myself. Do other mums sometimes skip bath times if their child is going swimming? Yes = YANBU

I haven't been swimming for ages but you had to shower just before getting in. Are people really going into pools having not had a wash since their last visit? I'm not inclined to get back into swimming any time soon!

Or maybe because everyone else stank no one noticed?

Kids get a shower every night and a full wash down.

tbh I think you sound neglectful.

If he’s literally having one bath or shower a week that’s grim.

I’m afraid this is the reason I don’t like swimming pools. Even with the chlorine I can just imagine all the unwashed bodies floating around in there.

Hair gets greasy from being washed too much, so might actually be better if it was washed less often!

DD has a full shower after swimming, costume off with full body and hair wash. Does this 2 x a week and sometimes that’s it other than hands, face and teeth twice a day.

She’s 8. when she gets older she’ll need to shower more as she’ll get sweaty etc. for now it works for her.

DS is a grubby little preschooler who needs a quick bath several times a week.

I think it depends on the child and the stage/age they’re at.

Mine are 7 and 8 and shower/bath properly at home around once a week, more if visibly dirty (like muddy or suncream in hair etc). They don't smell and they look clean. One of them swims weekly in addition but we don't wash her hair at the pool. Doesn't sound bad to me personally!

Is the shower after swimming a rinse off while wearing trunks, or a good soapy wash down, minus the trunks? There's a massive difference between the 2.

I have a 7 year old and a teenager.
The teenager showers every day or every other day. Very aware of hygiene.
The little one has a bath once a week and a shower after swimming once a week. I find it is enough to be clean but to not over-strip his skin. In the summer, when it's hot– both wash every day or even twice a day.
Kids don't need to wash every day–it is not good for their skin or hair.

Interesting to see how different the views are on this. Tbh, even if I were a super organised mum I wouldn’t bathe my son everyday, maybe 3 x week.

The struggle of being a peri-menopausal working and widowed single mum with ADHD is real. I’m doing my best.

Didn't change underwear every day either

Clothes weren't washed as often - men wore shirts for days at a time and just changed the collar.

Laundry was hard work then, it isn't now

I don't want to go back to those days thanks

I think it depends on the child as well as the mum! My older child only needs to shower every 3-4 days, whereas my younger one is spectacularly sweaty and needs a shower most days. At five, I would assume that so long as face, hands, feet and bum are clean, then you’re okay, but getting into the habit of showering more often would be helpful for the future.

This …
If the showers are like our pool , it’s communal and you have to wash with costumes on , there is no way bits and bums would be getting a proper clean.

I think it’s unhygienic yes and neglectful yes.

Hygiene not usually popular on mumsnet, so you won't be judged

I don't care what other people do but my DC had daily showers or baths and they continue that as young adults. So do I and DH.

Also people seem to be overlooking that at the moment he’s swimming twice a week, not once. In the past week it has been swimming on Wed and Fri, and he also came into the bath with me on Sunday.

That sounds quite dramatic.

we had a Sunday night bath when I was a kid too…. Early 1980s.

We still changed undies daily, fresh school shirt daily, had a washing machine etc. The only thing we did differently was the weekly bath routine.

What does his shower after swimming involve?

In that case pretty much everyone who grew up pre 1990’s was being neglected 🤣 myself and everyone I know my age had a Sunday bath (often shared with siblings) and that was it until teenage years or unless caked in mud / dirt. Totally normal. People wash their kids far too frequently and actually it’s really bad for the skin.

I think my 6yo would be disgusting with a weekly shower. She’s a daily bath or shower child but at that age they are generally pretty messy still with eating, the way they play etc. judging by how disheveled the rest of her class are on leaving school I doubt she’s unique in that. 5yos are also not known for the thoroughness of bottom wiping so I’d be wary about how hygienic they were if they didn’t have a proper wash every day.

@Daftmum47 you don't have to explain. Your ADHD is none of our business. You are doing fine, trust me. There are always people who obsess about things- hygiene or healthy diet or screen time. A lot of it turns out out to be BS, to be honest. Healthy eaters have junk food addicted teens, super clean mums have slobs, and strict mums have kids addicted to gaming.
Just chill. If your kid is clean and not smelly and dressed in clean uniform every day- you are good. People survived for thousands of years without daily showers. One good bath a week + gym rinse is ok.

Same here, my twins are 6 and have a bath on a Sunday and a shower after swimming midweek. My daughter has eczema and curly hair, twice a week is more then enough!

I am awful at disorganisation and habits etc. Not diagnosed with adhd but I can understand the type of disorder your talking about. I have similar battles in nearly every area of my life and just have to make systems. So not a rigid timetable because that will never work but

You don’t have to turn your life around 100%. You should aim for 1% better, and the next day 1% better again. This is small and sustainable and builds up quickly.

What is most helpful is to tie the new habit you wish to make to something you already do. You are pretty much doing this already with the swim day wash. For example I always shower when bathing my boy. Two birds one stone. I always wash up / tidy in the kitchen every time I put the kettle on to boil and that keeps on top of things/ allocates a natural time where I do it.

have a think about something you do regularly or want to do that you can tie to the bathing? Do an existing or create a skin care regime that you can do at the same time, folding washing in the hall whilst he showers/ bathes, quick tidy and or/ putting out clothes for the next day. Tidying the bathroom if he’s young etc.

I am not British and I am baffled by the notion that daily showering is bad for the skin or germphobic. It's what most of the rest of the world does, even women who have to trudge miles for 1 bucket of water in Mumbai slums:)

I don't think it is neglect mind you.. Just why would you not want to feel clean and fresh?

I literally can’t believe some people think it’s ok for a child (or anyone) to go several days without a bath or shower (or at the very least a thorough wash, not just face and hands) and then go and dunk themselves in a public swimming pool.

Without being too graphic, surely no one’s bum and bits are clean after eg 3 or 4 days unless they’ve had a bloody good scrub?