10 year old hysterical because I’m trying to date

[Florida606]

My 10 year old daughter gets really distressed at the idea of me having a boyfriend. She looks through my phone and asks who’s that whenever someone calls me. I’ve been single for 10 years and would like to meet someone but my daughter is making this impossible for me. I’m at a loss at what to do. Any advice ? AIBU not to bother dating.

Stop letting your 10 year old go through your phone and question you!

don't discuss dating with her. It's none on her business. I've dated on and off for years, one guy for 12 months. My ten year old DD didn't even know he existed. Obviously that's harder if she lives with you 100% of the time, but if not, then do your dating when she's not with you and has no clue about it.

Don’t let her go through your phone. Put a passcode on she doesn’t know.

Separate adult things and 10 year old child things, they don’t need to be combined. She shouldn’t be going through your phone. Date if you want, it’s none of her business what you do when she is safe elsewhere.

Are you her mum or her dad?

What's the sitch with her other parent?

Talk to your daughter and then listen to your daughter. Buy the book ‘how to talk so kids will listen’.
Do not tell your ten year old child your adult business.
Make your phone private.
Your child is not the boss.

Adult conversations are for adults only

She's not making it impossible, you are. I'm certainly not suggesting you dismiss her feelings but it's really not up for negotiation.
If you've not had much of a social life I'd suggest you build up to evenings out with men. I'd also fabricate a few dates too so she doesn't fixate on one man.
What's the plan with babysitting. Will she be eg staying over at grandma's or dad's?
I think you know what you need to do. You've given her 10 years of undivided attention. In a couple of years she'll be at senior school. It's your turn now.
Good luck.

Put some boundaries in place. She should not be going through your phone. Get a lock screen and pin code on it straightaway.
Similarly don't tell her who's calling, it's none of her business.
She doesn't need to know anything about you dating until it becomes serious and then it should be a year or so before she even meets the person.
When do you go on dates? When she's with her other parent? Or with grandparents? Again, she doesn't need to know what you are doing when you are not there and she is in the care of someone else.

Stop letting her look through your phone. Why does she even no you are trying to date? She’s a child, she doesn’t need to no.

I agree with PP. What are you doing discussing this matter with your 10 year old? She is not your friend. And to reiterate what others have said why is she looking at your phone? Much as I hate the term you need boundaries in your relationship. You are the adult. You make the decisions.

Time for a lot of boundaries.

Although if you haven't got them here I'd worry about how you'd handle introducing a new partner tbh.

Did you actually read the OPs post? It really wasn't very long but obviously too complicated for you. She quite clearly said she's been single for 10 years.
It's not always all about the children you know.

Wtf!! How have you come to all of the above conclusions? How do you know what the circumstances are? Completely uncalled for if you have nothing supportive to say don't bother, hope you feel better in your perfect world

Are you drunk? You sure have read a lot of stuff into the OP

Good grief. Are you ok?

Why are you discussing all of this with her?

She's 10, she should know nothing about you dating or be going through your phone.

Why are you letting your 10 year old go through your phone?

You need to sit her down and explain that you'll always love her, be there for her, but you would like adult companionship, like she will one day.

Has she ever had a father in her life?

Vile, judgemental post.

I dated again. I was widowed. People end up single for all sorts of reasons, it's not for you to judge. I even had the audacity to get remarried.

OP - you deserve to have a life of your own beyond just your child. It's unhealthy not to - whether that be dating, career, hobbies, or all three.

Don't let her go through your phone.

Practice saying 'I am an adult and I can zpend time with whoever I choose. You are 10, you are not allowed to go through my phone. If I was ever going to bring a man into your life, I would tell you, but it is very normal for Mums to go on dates and have a nice time'.
However you could also just tell her you're out with friends. Get a lock on your phone. Find out what her worry is (is it that you won't love her as much or something, has one of her friends mum's got a new boyfriend who the friend hates?)

umm, seriously can’t believe what I’ve just read! Are you just mean or have you got major projection issues?
Having a child does not mean that a person needs to give up their own identity and needs.

😂😂😂 honestly wondered the same...upheaval of adjusting to a lower income, blown up her life? Ok boomer

She is TEN. She doesn't get to tell you how to live your life, you are the parent here! Do you have child free time when you can date like an adult?

Also, put a stop to her going through your phone. Again, you are the parent, and you should expect privacy.

Are you on crack?

I'm sorry what? Did you just make all that up? Twat.

@Florida606 your DD is 10. She shouldn't be going through your phone. Your dating life is none of her business until your at the point of a serious relationship.